Darkness On The Edge Of Town
by Sunrise-Rose1023
Summary: What if Season 9 hadn't ended quite so happily? What if Nathan never came home? What if Haley just couldn't cope? What if, almost sixteen years later, their daughter finds herself in the same situation as her mother? Will the boy who's always loved her be able to save her? *Rated M for a reason.* Title borrowed from an episode of Season 8, set post-Season 9.
1. Intro

Hi guys! I just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to read this story. I appreciate it and hope you'll drop me a review or a PM and let me know what you think.

I have never, ever written a story like this one. I prefer happy stories with happy endings, and if that is what you're looking for, I'm sorry. This won't be it.

A few head's ups for you: This story is rated M for a reason. It's dark, and sad, but isn't life sometimes? Like I said, I welcome reviews, but come on. Be nice about it, would you? This is MY take on a story that came into my head one day. I'm just borrowing characters for it. They may not act the way they do on-screen, and again, that will just be my take on them.

WARNING: This story contains elements of depression, suicide, drug use, and self-harm.

****I own nothing from One Tree Hill. Nothing at all.****


	2. Chapter 1

_ONE_

So this is what it felt like.

Haley James Scott, like every single person in the world before her, had once or twice entertained the idea of what life would be like if she lost everything. The reality was definitely not what she had expected. She thought it might be like it was in the movies. You know, the women, falling to the ground, screaming out their broken hearts, weeping until they couldn't anymore.

Haley had screamed. She had cried. She didn't bother anymore.

Or maybe it was that shining moment, where someone stood back up and dusted themselves off. Yes, their life was forever, drastically altered, but something good would come from it. It had to.

There was nothing good about this. Not a damn thing.

Haley couldn't feel anything anymore. Yes, she had cried when they told her the news. She had fallen to her knees, crying out, screaming, begging God to let it not be true.

God must have been busy that day.

Haley had sobbed, yelling to anyone who would listen that it just couldn't be. There was no possible way this had happened to her. She was dreaming; soon, she'd wake up.

She was still waiting to do that, by the way.

It wasn't true. It couldn't be. There was no way that Nathan Scott, former NBA star, Haley's high school sweetheart, her one true love, her husband, the father of her children, could be gone.

But he was.

His life had been brutally cut short. With one single bullet, a Russian madman had taken her Nathan away, and Haley was left behind, left to pick up the pieces of her shattered life, to find some way to move on.

She couldn't even find all the pieces anymore. She'd seen them at first, but as the light had grown dim, she'd stopped looking.

Nathan had been gone for three months. Haley could barely remember what had happened in that time. Somehow, her friends had heard the news. And they'd all come to her. Brooke and Julian, with their boys. Quinn and Clay, with little Logan. Lucas and Peyton, who had been taking care of Haley's children, had flown in with their daughter Sawyer, and Jamie and Lydia.

Haley's children. The son who acted exactly like his father. The daughter with her father's intense blue eyes. Honestly, Haley couldn't remember the last time she'd seen them. They lived in the same house, down the same hallway, but Haley just couldn't bear to get out of bed anymore. The kids reminded her too much of Nathan. And the thought that he wouldn't be around to see them grow up was too much for Haley to bear.

At least, it used to be. When she was still able to feel.

She was numb now. Her sister Quinn had moved back in, bringing her fiance Clay, and Clay's son Logan with her. Her sister Taylor had even stopped by, once a long time ago, to check on her. And Haley had forced a smile, saying she was fine.

She didn't even bother anymore. What was the point?

* * *

Quinn James gave the pot of pasta one last stir, then turned to yell up the stairs.

"Jamie! Logan! Lunch is ready!"

A smile crossed her face as she heard the thunder of little footsteps coming down the stairs. The boys slid into the kitchen, big smiles on their faces. Jamie hopped up on his stool.

"Aunt Quinn, I think this is it."  
"What, Jimmy-Jam?"

Jamie's smile seemed to light up the room.

"I think Mama's going to get up today."

Oh, Quinn's heart ached at the hopefulness of her nephew. She put on a smile for him, dishing the macaroni and cheese onto his plate. She gave Logan some, too, his dark brown gaze watching her every move. She leaned over the counter to run a finger down his nose, and he smiled. They were still getting used to each other, she and Logan. But it was working. Clay came walking into the kitchen, with Lydia in his arms. Quinn smiled.

"How's my sweet baby?"  
"Oh, I'm fine, honey. Thanks for asking."

Jamie laughed from the bar, and Quinn gave Clay a quick kiss before taking the baby from him.

"I meant the girl, Evans. But I guess you, too."

He winked at the boys at the bar, snagging a bite of mac and cheese from Logan's plate. Logan giggled, and Clay ruffled his short hair. Quinn settled Lydia in her high chair, and began to feed her. She tossed her hair back over her shoulders and flashed a smile at the boys.

"So, what's on the agenda for today?"

Jamie exchanged a look with Clay.

"Rivercourt! Uncle Clay, you promised!"  
"Yeah, Daddy. You promised."

Clay nodded, letting out a sigh with a smile.

"I did promise."

Quinn smiled at him.

"Could you drop Lydia with Brooke on your way? She wanted to get Lydia and the twins together again. Something about a photo shoot?"

Clay shrugged his shoulders, then nodded to Quinn.

"We could do that. What are you going to do?"

Quinn looked back at Clay, and simply raised her eyes. He sighed and nodded, then walked over to her. He bent down to her ear.

"Today, Q."  
"That's what Jamie said. Maybe she'll get up today."  
"I hope so."

Quinn smiled as Clay kissed her cheek.

"Me, too."

They finished up their lunch, and Clay corralled the kids into the car. They waved at Quinn until they couldn't see her anymore, and she turned to go back into the house. She walked into the kitchen, stopping short with a gasp.

"Hales?"

Haley looked up from the bowl Jamie had left behind. Quinn smiled.

"You're up."

Haley didn't say anything, and Quinn tried not to let shock color her expression. Haley was so thin. Dangerously so, if she would tell the truth. Her hair was messy, from not being dealt with in so long. That wasn't the problem, though.

The problem was Haley's eyes. The once-beautiful, nearly dark chocolate-colored eyes of her little sister were now empty. They had grown dull and dim, nearly lifeless. Quinn sighed.

Once before, when their mother had died, Haley just couldn't shake off the sadness. Depression had set in, and Nathan had just barely been able to pull her out of it. Nathan wasn't around this time, and Quinn had worried for months. But this was a turnaround. A step in the right direction.

Quinn coaxed Haley to the couch, and they sat together, watching daytime television while Quinn gently brushed the tangles from Haley's hair. Quinn gently braided Haley's hair as she talked, about the kids, how Lucas and Peyton were seriously talking about going back to L.A., Brooke's brilliant new children's clothing line, and how she was in talks to get Clothes Over Bros back.

Haley never said a word.

Quinn told Haley about the day the boys had planned, playing basketball at the Rivercourt. She left out the little detail of the name change, though. The Nathan Scott Memorial Rivercourt might be just too much for Haley to hear right then. It was almost too much for Quinn. Just before 6:00, Quinn told Haley that the boys would get home soon, and Brooke would be by to drop Lydia back. The doorbell rang, and Quinn went to answer the door.

Brooke Davis Baker had a big smile on her face.

"Hey, Quinn! Sorry to drop and run, but the boys are in the car."  
"It's all right. See you, Brooke!"

Brooke waved as she hurried back to her car. Quinn smiled at Lydia.

"Baby girl, have I got a surprise for you!"

Quinn hurried inside, carrying Lydia into the living room.

"Lydia, say hi to…"

Quinn looked around, and heard the door close upstairs. She let out a long sigh, and held Lydia close, kissing her forehead.

"Maybe tomorrow, sweetheart."

* * *

Late that night, Haley stared out the window, looking into the pool for what seemed like hours. She remembered when they moved into the house, how Nathan insisted on the pool, with the basketball painted in the bottom. She remembered him teaching Jamie how to swim in it, and how he used to push Lydia around on a float just after she was born.

At least, she thought she remembered. Everything in her mind ran together now. And if her thoughts weren't running together, one thought dominated, flashing in her mind over all the others.

Nathan is gone. He'll never come back.

Haley was so tired. She slept all the time, but she was still so tired. The thought of never seeing Nathan again, never hearing him say her name, never feel him kiss her again… Haley just could not think of that.

Because if she were being literal, she could see him again. She would hear him, and kiss him, and then she would be able to breathe again. She didn't want to, but she really had no other choice.

Haley stepped away from the window and quietly made her way down the hall. She gently turned a doorknob, pushing the door open to see Jamie, sound asleep in his bed. She shut the door behind her, and walked directly across the hall. She held a hand on that doorknob, but she couldn't bring herself to open this door. She knew what would be behind it. A sleeping baby girl, in a nursery so pink Haley could barely stand it. Nathan had insisted on only the girliest things for his baby girl.

Haley laid a hand against Lydia's door, then made her way downstairs. She found what she was looking for in a cabinet in the kitchen. She decided to lay everything out, thinking maybe they would appreciate it later. She opened a bottle, shaking two pills out into her palm. Getting a cup of water, she downed the medicine. And two more after that. And then the rest of the bottle. She did the same with the other bottles she found, drinking any liquid she could find. She found some old pain pills that Nathan had stashed away, and she took those, too. When the medicine cabinet was empty, Haley walked outside. She could already feel the effect of the medicines she had taken, in the way that her heart was pounding, as she felt her breathing begin to grow shallow. She walked to the edge of the pool and smiled.

"It's okay now. I'm okay now. I'm coming, Nathan."

Haley closed her eyes as she took the final step, into the deep end of the pool. Her arms felt heavy from all the drugs in her system, but she didn't even bother with trying to lift them. As the familiar darkness surrounded her, for the final time, Haley smiled.

* * *

Quinn jerked awake, as Lydia's screams filled the house. She nudged Clay, who was already sitting up. Quinn wrapped her robe around her, as Clay followed behind her.

"She doesn't usually sound like that, Q."  
"I know. Do you think something happened?"

They hurried to the nursery, and saw Lydia standing in the crib, sobbing and screaming. Quinn picked her up, holding Lydia close to her. Clay ran a hand over Lydia's head.

"What is it, Little Scott? What's wrong?"

That was when they realized Lydia was saying "Mama". Over and over again, while she sobbed. Clay felt his stomach roll, and he turned to walk down the hall, as Quinn rocked Lydia back and forth in her arms. He looked in on Jamie, who was sound asleep. Back in his and Quinn's room, Logan slept on in the tent they'd set up on the floor. Thank God for little boys who slept like rocks. Clay walked to the bedroom at the other end of the hall, pushing open the door. Quinn had just started walking after him, whispering to Lydia to quiet her down. Clay came running out of Haley's bedroom, his eyes wide and scared.

"Quinn, she's gone."

Quinn's heart fell, and they rushed downstairs. Clay ran to the living room, the dining room, the music room, calling Haley's name while Quinn walked into the kitchen.

"Clay!"

He came running at the sound of her voice. She was frozen, pale as a sheet as she pointed to the medicine cabinet, which was empty, and the counter, where every medicine bottle from the cabinet lay, every one of them empty as well.

"No. Oh god, Hales. No."

Clay slowly turned around, looking outside. He went running as Quinn grabbed the phone, calling 9-1-1. Still holding Lydia, Quinn watched as Clay dove into the pool, finally breaking the surface with Haley in his arms. Quinn set Lydia down in her playpen, then ran outside to Clay, screaming. He had Haley up on the concrete now, and he pushed himself out of the water. Quinn sobbed hysterically, yelling Haley's name as Clay pressed on her chest. Water poured from Haley's mouth as Clay started CPR.

Later, Quinn would remember how brave Clay was. How he tried so hard to save Haley. But when someone didn't want to be saved…


	3. Chapter 2

**So just for clarification purposes, I'm taking a little liberty with this story. Sawyer, Lydia, Davis, and Jude are all the same age, which is 16. Jamie is 9 years older than them, and Logan is 6 years older. I've also created a few characters of my own in the forms of Riley, Ellie, and Meg. Other than these three, I own nothing reminiscent of OTH.**

* * *

_TWO  
Sixteen Years Later_

Lydia Scott woke to the annoying sound of her cell phone ringing. She reached over and grabbed it, letting out a sigh before answering.

"Hello."  
"Lyddie, get up. There are things we need to get done."  
"Sawyer, it's Saturday."  
"I know, but prom is like, 3 weeks away! Come on, we have to find you a dress today."

Lydia held the phone away from her and put her face into the pillow as she groaned.

"Sawyer, I really don't feel well."  
"Shut up and get your lazy ass out of bed. We'll be by in an hour."

Sawyer ended the call and Lydia groaned again.

"I hate her. Hate."

Lydia climbed out of bed, walking to the bathroom just off of her room. She pushed her light brown hair out of her face and stared into the mirror. She took in a deep breath and let it all the way out before glancing behind her. She wanted to go back to bed so badly. She just couldn't seem to shake the dark cloud that had settled over her. She let her head fall, gripping the sides of the sink, and she lifted her head in time to see her Aunt Quinn walk up.

"Oh, good! You're up. Peyton and Sawyer are on their way, and we're going prom dress shopping. Tell me you're as excited about this as I am."

Lydia put on a smile.

"Of course I am. Sawyer already called me."

Quinn smiled.

"Hurry and get a shower. I'll help you with your hair so we can go ahead and get going."

Lydia nodded, and Quinn turned on the shower before she walked out. Lydia let out the breath she'd been holding, turning back to look in the mirror. She shook her head before slipping her pajamas off and climbing in the shower.

Twenty minutes later, Lydia was sitting on the bench from her vanity as Quinn brushed and dried her hair. This was something Lydia absolutely loved. Ever since she could remember, Quinn would help her do her hair. It was something they could share, a time for just the two of them. And even now, when Lydia felt the way she did, having Quinn run the brush through her hair brought her a little sense of peace. She didn't know why. But she clung to it, savoring the ten or so minutes it took to get her almost milk-chocolate colored hair dry and shining. Quinn shut off the blow dryer and smiled.

"There. Gorgeous, as usual."

Lydia put on a smile for her, running a hand over her hair.

"Thanks, Aunt Quinn."  
"Anytime, sweetheart. Do you want me to put it up or anything?"

Lydia looked into the mirror, doing her best to block out her face and just look at her hair. She nodded, and Quinn stepped behind her.

"Okay, what do you want today?"

Lydia tilted her head.

"I don't know. Surprise me. Do what you want."

Quinn smiled, nodding. Lydia let her eyes drift close as she felt Quinn's gentle fingers in her hair. She didn't know why she wanted so badly to cry right then, but she did. She fought it, swallowing her tears until Quinn stepped back.

"There. How do you like that?"

Lydia looked into the mirror. Her hair did look beautiful. Quinn had a way of making that happen. Again, she looked everywhere except her face, smiling when she reached up to touch the braid. It was just a simple French braid, but it looked like so much more. Lydia looked up to Quinn in the mirror and nodded as she smiled.

"Thanks, Aunt Quinn."

Quinn winked at her, then walked out of the room. Lydia closed her eyes, letting out another sigh before forcing herself up and to her closet. She dressed, slipping her feet into some comfortable high heels. Lydia always wore heels, because at five feet, almost three inches, she needed all the height help she could get. She walked downstairs, and put a smile on her face for her uncle. Clay turned from the stove.

"Hey, Little Scott's here!"

Lydia kept the smile on her face as she set her purse on the counter.

"I was wondering how long you'd sleep."

Lydia looked behind Clay, where his daughter Riley stood. She smiled over at Lydia, and Lydia smiled back, a genuine smile this time, at the girl she thought of not as a cousin, but as her sister. Isabella Riley Evans had been born when Lydia was two, and the girls had grown up nearly inseparable. Riley's brother Logan was 8 years older than she was, and Lydia's brother Jamie was 9 years older than her, 11 years older than Riley, so the girls were pretty much all they had.

Take right then for example. Logan was enrolled at the local college, about a year from graduating. And he had been on the NFL radar since he before graduated high school. But, since he promised Quinn he'd graduate from college, he'd put off going to the draft or whatever that entailed. He'd be signing up in a year, though. Jamie Scott was a well-known NBA player, as a point guard for the Orlando Magic. He wore the number 23 on his jersey, which was the same number his father wore when he won the state championship for Tree Hill High School so long ago.

A knock at the door brought Lydia out of her thoughts. Riley walked and answered the door, and soon after, Peyton and Sawyer Scott walked into the kitchen. Sawyer smiled.

"Hey, Uncle Clay."  
"Hey, Blondie. Blondie's mom."

Peyton laughed.

"Hey, Clay. Ellie tagged along, and she and Riley took off upstairs."

Clay nodded. Riley and Ellie, since they were the same age, were best friends. Sawyer and Lydia, same age as well, were just as close. Or at least, they had been. Sawyer was dating Davis Baker, and spent most of her time now with him. It was okay with Lydia, who was closer to Jude, Davis' twin, than anyone else. They'd been best friends since they were little, and Jude had been the one thing Lydia had always been able to count on.

"Lydia, are you ignoring me?"

Lydia looked to Sawyer, who had her hands on her hips. Lydia pushed a smile on her face.

"Sorry. Guess I was."

Sawyer blew out her breath, pushing a blonde curl behind her ear. She'd gotten her kind of wild corkscrew curls from her mother, and her eyes from her father. The color was Peyton, but the intensity (and the tendency to brood) was pure Lucas. Sawyer Brooke Scott was the perfect combination of Tree Hill's golden couple, and her sister was nearly the same. Elizabeth Karen Scott had the golden hair of her mother, curls less intense than her sister, and the baby blue eyes of her father. Sawyer blinked at Lydia, who forced another smile.

"I'm listening now, Blondie."

Sawyer rolled her eyes, but smiled.

"I said, we're probably going to stick with Aunt Brooke and Clothes Over Bros. Ever since I said the word 'prom,' she's been going crazy with sketches and sewing and all of that. She's even roped Meg into helping her."  
"Meg's 11."  
"Yeah, but she's Brooke Davis' daughter. She could sew before she could walk."

Lydia smiled another genuine smile. She remembered the day Megan Victoria Baker had been born. Lydia was 5, the same age as Sawyer and Meg's brothers, Davis and Jude. They had all been so excited, having been too little to remember when Ellie or Riley was born. Meg had been their baby, all of them helping to take care of her, and still to this day, Meg had four people she knew she could always count on to take care of her. Lydia nodded.

"Okay, then. Let's get going."

Quinn came downstairs then, stopping to give Clay a kiss before wrapping an arm around Peyton and walking out, Sawyer trailing after them. Lydia let out a sigh, grabbing her purse from the counter.

"Hey."

She turned back, met Clay's eyes.

"You okay?"

Lydia blinked at him, then smiled. She nodded.

"I'm fine."

Clay smiled at her, walking over to press a kiss to her forehead.

"Have fun, Little Scott."

Lydia nodded, letting the smile drain from her face as she walked where her aunts and cousin had just gone.


	4. Chapter 3

**I would like to offer my apologies to LoveWritingxoxo. I didn't realize it, but our stories had basically the same title! Their story came before mine, so I decided to change the name of mine. I borrowed the new title from an episode from OTH's Season 8. That episode almost did me in, by the way. But here you go; new chapter for the same story, now with a new and improved name.**

* * *

_THREE_

"Oh my God. This is it. Mama, look!"

Sawyer stepped out of the dressing room in a beautiful pearl pink gown. Peyton covered her mouth with her hand and Quinn gasped. Brooke laid a hand over her heart, tears in her eyes. She spoke quietly.

"Oh, honey."  
"This is it."

Sawyer smiled as she stepped onto the little platform, with the three mirrors set up around it. The gown was the perfect color to set off Sawyer's skin tone, which was the golden, easily tanned skin of her father, instead of the milky white of her mother. Peyton stepped up behind Sawyer, picking the curls up off of her neck. Sawyer nodded, her smile growing.

"Mama…"  
"I know, I know. You look gorgeous, and if you're happy—"  
"I am."  
"Then that's all that matters."  
"Aunt Brooke, I'm taking this one!"

Brooke laughed, walking over to the other dressing room. She gently knocked on the door.

"Lyd? Honey, are you ready?"  
"Uh, almost."  
"Do you need some help?"  
"No. No, I've got it. Just give me a second."  
"Okay. Take your time."

Brooke stepped back over to Sawyer and Peyton and Lydia let out a shaky breath. She closed her eyes, wiping away the hot tears that she couldn't hold in any longer. She stood on shaking legs, glancing at herself in the mirror. She'd gotten so good lately at hiding things. So good at hiding when she cried that right then, you couldn't even tell she'd been crying. She let out another breath and stood up, smoothing out the turquoise dress Brooke had picked out for her. She opened the door, meeting the open mouths of her aunts and Sawyer. Lydia blinked.

"Somebody say something."

Sawyer swallowed.

"Holy cow, Lyd. You're gorgeous."

Lydia rolled her eyes, and Sawyer led her over to the platform and the mirrors. Lydia stepped up, turning to see herself in the mirrors. Peyton stepped up, shaking her head.

"You look … Wow. Just wow."

Brooke came forward, tears in her eyes again.

"Baby Lydia's all grown up, and she's absolutely breathtaking."

Quinn stepped up, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Lyd, is this it? Because you are a knockout, babe."

Lydia turned to look at them, and all three of them couldn't take their eyes from her. The blue in the dress was complemented by her hair, while making her eyes stand out more than they usually did. Not to mention the fact that Lydia was already breathtakingly beautiful on her own. The dress just enhanced it. Lydia glanced behind her, finally looking at her face.

"I like this one."

Brooke threw up her fists, making Peyton and Quinn laugh. Brooke had picked out the dresses for the girls, and they both loved them. Sawyer went to change out of her dress while Peyton, Quinn, and Brooke began talking shoes and other accessories. Lydia stayed on the platform, looking herself up and down. She closed her eyes and stepped down, glad to make her way back to the dressing room, glad to get the dress off.

Because she couldn't see what they saw. The girl she saw was not beautiful, not even a little bit. She was damaged and sad, and she didn't deserve all the love she received.

When Lydia had the dress off, she slipped it back on the hanger, then sat on the floor, curling her knees up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her knees, letting out quiet, shaky breaths as she did. She thought about standing up and getting dressed, but that was just too much to bear at the moment. She realized that tears were rolling down her cheeks again, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. God, she'd be glad to get back home and back to bed.

"Lydia? Sweetie, you okay?"

Lydia clenched her eyes shut.

"Yeah, Aunt Quinn. I just had a problem with the zipper. I'm almost done."  
"Okay, well Brooke's insisting we go to the café for lunch. Sound good?"

Lydia groaned inwardly.

"Yep, sounds great."

She listened to Quinn's heels as she walked away, then let out a sigh. She stood to her feet, ignoring the mirror behind her and slid her shirt back on. She reached for her jeans, and something in the mirror caught her eye. A thin, red line that ran from just under her butt all the way to the crease of her knee. She let her fingers go back there, tracing the line.

Lydia smiled. It had been a while since she'd given herself that cut, and it was looking like this one might stick around. She didn't want to do it, really, but feeling the razor prick her skin, seeing the drops of blood pop up, made her feel like she was still alive. She was going through the motions, feeling like she was suffocating, and that little flash of pain, no matter how fleeting, reminded her that she was alive. She slid her pants back on, slid her feet in her shoes and left the dressing room, taking the dress with her, watching at how happy it made Brooke to wrap it up for her. Lydia was starting to forget how "happy" felt.

They walked across the street to Karen's Café, something that Brooke and Lydia's mother had started long ago. Well, they didn't technically start it so much as reboot it. Karen, Sawyer's grandmother, ran the café while raising her son, who just happened to be Sawyer's dad and Lydia's uncle. And now Brooke was running it, with help from Quinn and Peyton. They had stepped in after Haley's death, and the café had flourished for so many years.

Lydia was the last to step into the café, closing her eyes, a small smile crossing her face as the smells hit her. Coffee, something baking, leftover breakfast smells. She opened her eyes, catching the crooked smile of the tall, lanky guy at the other end of the counter. Her smile grew as she walked over, setting her purse on the counter as Jude wrapped her in a hug.

"Hey, pretty girl."  
"Hey, Jude."

He smiled, hanging his head as she stepped out of his arms. Lydia addressed him the same way, ever since the first time they heard the old Beatles song, _Hey Jude. _He thought it was charming, she thought it was hilarious. Jude lifted a hand, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"How are you feeling?"

Lydia looked up, meeting warm brown eyes. She glanced down at the counter, where Jude's fingers were barely brushing her own. She shrugged her shoulders, and Jude sighed.

"Lyd, have you told anyone yet? You might need to get on some medicine or something."  
"Jude, we've talked about this. I'm fine."  
"Obviously not."  
"Today's just a bad day. Everyone has bad days."  
"Lydia—"  
"Drop it, Jude. Please."

He sighed, running a hand through his almost-shaggy brown hair. Jude's hair had hints of red in it in the sunlight, while Davis had his grandfather's bright blue eyes. Otherwise, the boys looked exactly alike. Both stood six-foot-three, about the same height as their dad, a foot taller than their mom. Megan, however, seemed to be taking after Brooke in the height area. Davis was a sports junkie, while Jude preferred less social activities, like reading and watching movies.

That was something Lydia loved about him. They could sit together for hours, and not say a word. She could bask in the quiet and the stillness, and Jude could pretend to read while he watched her. Jude Baker had been in love with Lydia Scott as far back as he could remember. He had kissed her on the playground when they were four, held her hand all through kindergarten and first grade. He'd even punched a kid who had tried to hold her hand one day. His mother had not been happy about that. His dad had just laughed and given him a high five when Brooke wasn't around. Jude was Lydia's boyfriend up until fifth grade, when they were split up into different classes. Then came the horror of middle school. While most everyone hit that ugly duckling stage, Lydia seemed to sail right past it. She had gone from being a cute little girl to a beautiful young woman seemingly overnight. Jude had really fallen for her, hard, and he knew that she knew it.

Even then, with his fingers barely brushing over hers, she didn't move. He settled his fingers down on hers and she flipped her hand over, like he knew she would, and gripped his hand, just for a second. She always did that, a quick, near-death grip on him, as though she was trying to gain a bit of strength from him. He wanted to help her, but he just couldn't figure out how. He sat and listened when she needed to talk, held her when she needed to cry. But he just couldn't figure out how to make her let herself be loved by him.

"I better go sit down before they come after me."

Her voice was like music to his ears. He smiled, letting go of her hand.

"Hey, Lyd?"

She turned back to him.

"If you need me, you know where I am."

She nodded, giving him a smile before going to take her seat at the table buzzing with prom talk. Jude sighed, then walked back to check on a table. Sawyer was smiling as she turned to Lydia.

"So I'm going with Davis, of course. What about you, Lyd? Got a hot date?"

Lydia let out a laugh at Sawyer's question, looking around at the smiling faces of her aunts. She shook her head.

"No, no date here."  
"Oh, come on. There's no one you might want to ask you?"

Lydia glanced up, seeing Jude walk out of the kitchen with a tray full of plates of food. Quinn followed her gaze, biting her lip as she pinched Brooke's leg under the table. Brooke looked over, her face lighting up when she noticed her son. She looked back to Lydia, who looked down at the table before looking up at them.

"Nope. No one on my radar."

Sawyer sighed.

"You're going to end up going with Jude, aren't you?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders and pushed out a smile.

"That wouldn't be the worst thing."  
"Going to prom with your best friend?"  
"Hey, I did it."

Sawyer glanced over at Brooke, who smiled.

"I went with Mouth."  
"Wasn't that the year that Mom wrote "WHORE" across your dress? Where it could only be seen under the blacklight?"

Peyton, Lydia, and Quinn laughed, while Brooke's face turned red. She smiled, leaning over to pinch Sawyer's arm.

"Yes, Blondie. That skinny bitch almost ruined my dress, but I fixed it where it only said "HO"."

That sent the table into another round of laughter, and Jude relaxed a bit when he saw Lydia laughing. She hadn't laughed, really and truly laughed, in a while, so hearing it put him at ease. He walked back into the kitchen, and the girls at the table regained their composure. Quinn shook her head.

"I can't believe you did that."  
"I did. And Brooke came to my rescue that night."  
"You would have done the same for me, whether we hated each other or not."

Brooke reached across the table, taking Peyton's hand. Peyton smiled, squeezing it, then leaned to kiss Sawyer's forehead. Lydia ignored the pain that shot through her heart, looking up into the kitchen and meeting Jude's eyes. He watched her seem to falter, her shoulders falling as she gripped the table, and he walked over, easily sliding into the seat beside Lydia, taking her hand under the table without anyone else seeing. She gripped his hand with all her strength and he flashed a smile.

"Hey, Mom. Aunt Peyton, Aunt Quinn, Saw-yah."

They smiled, answering with a unanimous "Hey Jude." He expected one of them to break out in song, but they refrained. This time. Lydia was still holding tight to his hand, so he laid his notepad on the table and grabbed the pen from behind his ear.

"Can I get you lovely ladies something?"

They all reached for menus, murmuring to themselves, and each other, about what to eat. Jude leaned over to Lydia's ear, and her eyes drifted shut.

"It's okay, Lyd. I'm right here."

She nodded, and he brushed a kiss to her cheek, without anyone noticing. She relaxed a bit at that. By the time everyone had told him their order, Lydia was comfortable enough to let go of his hand. They ate, and just before they left, Lydia snuck into the kitchen, where Jude was waiting.

"You good?"

She let out a shaky breath as he walked over, and she laid her hands on his forearms. She nodded.

"I think so. We're going home now, so…"

Jude nodded.

"Lyd, please. Talk to Quinn about this."

She shook her head, and he sighed.

"Come on, babe. You are not okay."  
"You don't think I know that?"  
"Lyd, I'm worried about you."  
"Well, don't be. I'm—"  
"Damn it, don't you dare say fine, because you're not."

Lydia let her head fall, and Jude moved his hands to her face, lifting it where he could look in her eyes.

"Hey. If you won't talk to Quinn, will you talk to me?"

Lydia looked up at him, saw the worry in his dark eyes. She closed her eyes, and he sighed again.

"Davis comes in at 2:00. I can swing by your house after that."

She sighed, then nodded. Jude bent down, pressing his lips to hers. Lydia squeezed his arms, and he let his hands fall. She looked up to him, then turned and left the kitchen. Jude ran his hands through his hair, cursing under his breath.


	5. Chapter 4

_FOUR_

Lydia stood in the kitchen, holding onto the counter as she let out a long, slow breath. Quinn and Riley had gone to the store, and Clay and Logan were on the road to catch Jamie's basketball game in Charlotte. Lydia was alone, something she'd been wanting all day long. She was fighting the pull she felt to go upstairs and get back in bed, to bury herself under the covers. Instead, she looked up, out the windows of the French doors in the kitchen.

It almost seemed like she walked by some unseen force pulling her. She stepped through the doors, leaving them open behind her. The day was beautiful and warm, unusual for early spring in Tree Hill, North Carolina. Lydia walked down the porch steps, slipping her heels off in the middle of the walkway. She walked past the little garden that Quinn and Riley had, over the spot where Lydia had heard a pool once was. She kept walking, almost to the back corner of the big backyard, and she smiled when she saw what she had been walking to.

A long time ago, when Lydia was four, Clay had strung a hammock between two trees in the backyard. She had been fascinated by it, and that feeling had never gone away. Many a nap had been taken in that hammock, in Clay's arms when she was little, or by herself. She climbed onto it now, feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin as a breeze slid through the trees. She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh.

That was how Jude found her half an hour later. She had unbuttoned her white shirt, and it flapped in the breeze now, gently fluttering open over her mint green tank top. She had her legs bent, the pale pink skinny jeans standing out against the white hammock. Jude stood back, just staring at her, feeling his heart pound in his chest. When he finally could no longer stand it, he walked over to the hammock, which was rocking gently in the breeze. He let his hand come gently over Lydia's forehead, and her beautiful eyes fluttered open. She smiled when she saw him, and he smiled back at her.

"Hey, beautiful."  
"Hey Jude."

He toed his shoes off and Lydia rolled over, balancing out the hammock as he climbed on. When the rocking had slowed, Lydia rolled back, coming to rest her head on Jude's chest. He pressed a kiss to her hair, wrapping an arm around her, putting his other arm behind his head. They didn't say anything for a while, until Jude spoke softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Lydia shook her head, moving her face into his chest for a second. Jude nodded, gently running his hand up and down her spine. He smiled.

"Did you find a dress?"

Lydia nodded.

"Your mom picked it out."  
"How did it look?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"They said it was beautiful."

Wow, did that hurt Jude's heart. He closed his eyes, moving his head closer to hers.

"I know it was. It would have to be, on you."

He felt his shirt growing damp, and he knew she was crying. He sighed, moving closer to her, wrapping both of his arms around her. She moved up, putting her cheek on his shoulder, and her face in his neck.

"I don't know what to do, Lyd. Tell me what I can do."  
"You're doing it. Just hold me, please."

Jude let out a breath. He moved a hand up to her hair, closing his eyes again, as she quietly cried into him. If he could, he would stay right there, holding Lydia until she felt better, or until the day he died. Whichever came first. After what seemed like the longest time, Lydia let out a sigh.

"You're too good to me, Jude."

He smiled, moving to press a kiss to her forehead. Thank God she'd stopped crying.

"I love you, Lyd."

_But you shouldn't._ She wanted to say it so badly, but she was terrified that if she did, he would come to his senses. So, selfish bitch that she was, she kept her mouth shut. Jude let out a long breath, rubbing her arm.

"Will you go to prom with me?"

Lydia sat up, looking him in the eye. A blush spread across her cheeks and she smiled, moving a hand up to touch his face.

"Yes."

Jude smiled, and ran a finger over her cheek.

"There's that smile I love."

Lydia could feel her cheeks getting warm, so she put her face in his chest. Jude relaxed back, taking in a deep breath and letting it out as he closed his eyes. Lydia looked up at his face, then laid back down, putting her face on his shoulder. She took in a deep breath, taking in the smell of outside, that just beginning to bloom smell, mixed in with a smell that was all Jude. Lydia snuggled in closer, and wrapped up together on the hammock, she and Jude drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Lyddie? Hey, we're home!"

Quinn set the grocery bags on the counter, Riley following right behind her. She turned back, and Riley shrugged her shoulders. Quinn walked into the living room, while Riley walked over to the French doors, which were still open. Jude hadn't bothered to shut them when he walked through. Riley glanced out at the hammock, smiling when she saw Lydia wrapped up in Jude's arms. Quinn came back into the kitchen.

"I have no idea where—"  
"She's outside, Mom. Asleep on the hammock with Jude."

Quinn walked up behind Riley, bending to put her chin on Riley's shoulder. Riley smiled, leaning her head over on her mother's.

"Come on. We'll start on supper."

Riley nodded, walking to shut the doors before she followed her mother. In the kitchen, Quinn was pulling pots out of the cabinets, and Riley sat on a barstool.

"Hey Mama?"

Quinn glanced back with a smile.

"Yeah?"

Riley took in a breath as she traced a finger over the tile counter. Quinn turned the stove on, putting a pot of water to boil before she walked over, leaning on the counter.

"What's on your mind, Riles?"

Riley looked up, and the bright blue eyes she got from Quinn were worried as she looked at her mother.

"Do you think Lydia's okay?"

Quinn blinked.

"What do you mean?"

Riley let out a breath.

"I don't know. I just … She's been acting kind of weird lately, you know?"  
"Weird like how?"

Riley sighed, looking back to the counter.

"I don't know. You haven't noticed anything?"

Quinn thought for a moment, then shook her head.

"No, I haven't."

Riley mumbled under her breath.

"Maybe I'm just seeing things."

Quinn smiled, reaching over to take Riley's hand.

"Hey."

Riley looked up, and Quinn smiled at her.

"If you're worried about her, talk to her. See what's going on. And I'll keep an eye out, check and see if I notice anything."

Riley nodded, and Quinn leaned over to kiss her forehead.

"My big-hearted baby. Come help me with this."

* * *

Lydia was dreaming, and it was not a pleasant dream. It didn't seem like a dream, either. It was more like a memory. She couldn't really describe what was going on, but she knew that she felt happy and safe and loved. And suddenly, that was gone, replaced by a feeling of worry and fear, and she wasn't in a familiar place anymore. Then, just as suddenly, she was back where she started, but the happiness was gone. It was dark, and Lydia felt scared, and it was like she could feel her heart breaking. She was screaming, and someone was holding her. Then that someone was screaming, calling out a name.

Her eyes flew open, and Lydia was breathing hard. She put a hand to her pounding heart, so disoriented as to where she was. As a warm breeze blew across her face, she remembered. And then she felt two big, strong arms come around her. She glanced up with sleepy eyes, seeing Jude right beside her, pulling her close to him, murmuring in his sleep. Lydia sighed, closing her eyes as she snuggled back close to him, as close as she could get without actually crawling into his skin.

Jude was dreaming, and his was one of those dreams you never want to wake up from. It was simple, just he and Lydia, cuddled together on a couch. He was holding her, and she was laughing at him. She turned her face up to his, and he was mesmerized, captivated by her navy blue eyes and her gorgeous face. He ran his hand over her long, soft chocolate brown hair and smiled. Jude had always loved Lydia's hair. When he just couldn't stand it anymore, he bent down, and Lydia leaned up, meeting him halfway as he gently pressed his lips to hers. Lydia let out a quiet sigh as Jude pulled her closer to him.

Lydia knew, in her half-asleep, fuzzy brain, that she wasn't dreaming anymore. She was kissing Jude, the way she had wanted to for a very long time, and he was kissing her back. This wasn't one of those little chaste kisses like he usually gave her. This was a real and true, "I think he's really in love with me" kiss. She gently touched her tongue to his, and Jude moaned quietly. Lydia was lying on her side, curled up next to Jude, fitting perfectly next to him, with one of his legs between both of hers. She sat up, throwing her leg over him as she moved to straddle his flat stomach.

They needed to stop. Jude was no longer asleep, and he knew this. He kept hearing the phrase in his mind, kept telling himself to stop. But God… He'd wanted this for so very long, and he just couldn't stop. Lydia moved over him, and he put his hands on her thighs, running them up her sides before settling back on those slender hips. He flexed his fingers, hearing her gasp into his mouth as he continued to kiss her. Her fingers tangled in his hair, and Jude groaned when she tugged. It felt so good, to finally be kissing her like this, the way he'd wanted to for such a long time. He took hold of her shirt, sliding it off her arms. Lydia shivered as she felt the sun on her bare shoulders, then reached down, pushing his shirt up, and Jude groaned again when he felt her cool hands on his abs. He flexed his hands on her hips again, before moving down her legs. Her hands moved up his chest, and he gripped the backs of her thighs when she raked her nails down his sides. She gasped, pulling back from him, her face twisted in pain.

"Lyd?"

Her eyes were shut, and she was taking in shaky breaths.

"L—Let go."

Jude didn't realize that he was still holding onto her. He loosened his grip on her legs and she climbed off of him. Jude sat up, pulling his shirt back down.

"Lyd, what hap—"  
"Don't worry about it."

She turned around, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath, grabbing her shirt off the ground where Jude had dropped it, and he swung his legs over the edge of the hammock.

"Lydia—"  
"Jude, please."  
"You're bleeding."

She stopped, turning back to face him.

"I know."

She slid her shirt back on as she started to walk away, and Jude hurried up behind her.

"Hey. Hey, slow down."

He took hold of her arm, turning her back to face him. She stared at the ground until Jude gently lifted her chin to look into her eyes. Eyes that had suddenly gone dim.

"Lydia, what happened?"  
"Nothing."  
"Bullshit. Don't give me that."

She pulled her chin from his grasp.

"It's none of your damn business."  
"Yeah? Well, I want to make it my business."

She stopped, eyes growing wide.

"You don't mean that."  
"I don't?"

Jude took a step closer to her.

"Weren't you just on that hammock?"  
"Jude, don't. Please."  
"Why? Lyd, you can't tell me that didn't mean anything."  
"We were asleep."  
"The hell we were!"

She was trembling, and it was taking everything she had to hold herself together. She kept taking little steps back, while Jude kept walking closer to her. He finally took hold of her hands.

"Stop walking away from me, damn it."

He could feel her shaking then, and he let out a breath.

"Lyd, are you scared of me?"

She shook her head.

"Then why are you shaking?"

She shook her head again, and Jude moved, pulling her to his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You know that I love you. And it's more than just this we've-always-been-friends kind of love. You know that, too. I am in love with you, Lydia Scott, and I'm just waiting on you to see that. Whenever you do, will you let me know?"

He let her go, keeping hold of her hand. She looked down at their hands, linked together, then up to Jude's dark eyes.

"Jude, I—"

He silenced her with a kiss. He let his hand come up, gently cupping her cheek. This kiss was different than the ones he usually gave her, and it was different than the ones they'd just shared on the hammock. It was sweet, and gentle, full of promise and love, and with just a hint of heat. He ended the kiss, stepping back as Lydia kept her eyes closed. Jude ran his hand through her hair.

"It's up to you, Lyd. We can stay the way we are, or you can trust me enough to love me back. No matter what, I'm here. Whatever you need from me, don't hesitate to ask. You know that."

She couldn't speak. She didn't know what to say. Jude leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead before he turned away from her, slipping his hands in his pockets as he left the backyard. Lydia let out a shaking breath. She walked to the house, stopping to pick up her shoes as she walked inside. She went upstairs to her room, locking the door behind her and walking into her closet. Her closet was huge, one of those walk-in deals, and she went to one of the mirrors, watching herself as she took her pants off. She sighed, then turned around.

Just as she'd suspected, the cut on the back of her leg had split open. It was still seeping blood, and Lydia let out a shaky breath. She walked into her bathroom, getting some tissues to clean herself up. She walked back into her room, and a picture on her dresser made her stop. It was one she'd seen thousands of times before. She walked by it every day. She used to sleep with it when she was little, slipping it under her pillow just before she'd fall asleep. It was a picture of baby Lydia, the day she was born, in her mother's arms. Haley was staring down at Lydia, a huge smile on her face, which seemed like it was glowing. Quinn had told her, many times, that she had snapped that picture the first time she ever met her niece. She'd also told her how Haley had been so happy to have a baby girl. Haley loved Jamie with all of her heart, and she'd always wondered what it would be like to have a daughter. Haley'd had such big plans, but none of them had the opportunity to come true.

The thing Lydia didn't understand was why.

All her life, she'd been told that her parents had loved her very much. Nathan had been killed when she was a baby, and Haley had died three months later. Nathan had been shot in the head by a Russian mobster, and Haley … Haley had died three months after. That was all she knew. She knew about her dad, what happened to him, where it happened. She didn't know about her mom. All she knew was that Haley had died. She didn't know how, where, why. She had so many questions, and she'd held them in for years.

Lydia dropped the tissues, picking up the picture. She ran her fingers over the glass, then looked up, into the mirror above her dresser. It was time, and she knew it. It would be hard, but it had to be done.

Lydia had to find out exactly what happened to her mother.


	6. Chapter 5

_FIVE_

Lydia walked downstairs after dinner, wrapped in her bathrobe over her pajamas. Quinn was sitting in the living room with Clay, sipping a mug of hot chocolate while he watched TV. Lydia slipped her hands in the pockets of her robe and walked into the room.

"Aunt Quinn?"

Quinn and Clay both looked over, smiling. Clay patted the couch beside him.

"Hey, Little Scott. Come have a seat."

Lydia gave him a smile, then turned to Quinn.

"Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to Aunt Quinn about something."

Clay glanced over at Quinn, then smiled. He stood up from the couch, stretching. He leaned to kiss his wife, then walked by Lydia, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Night, Little Scott."  
"Goodnight, Uncle Clay."

He left, and Lydia sat on the couch beside Quinn. Quinn tucked her legs under her and Lydia pulled her robe around her. Quinn smiled at her niece.

"What's on your mind, little Lydia?"

Lydia took a deep breath, then looked Quinn in the eye. She decided it would just be best to get it out, to go ahead and cut straight to the chase.

"What happened to my mom?"

Quinn froze, bobbling her mug in her hands. Her eyes went wide, and Lydia pressed on.

"I mean, I've wondered for a while. I know what happened to Daddy, but I … I've always wondered what happened to Mama. I just know that she died, and I was wondering … how."

Quinn's eyes were still wide, as she leaned over to set her mug on the table beside the couch. Lydia sighed.

"Aunt Quinn?"

Quinn swallowed, looking down at the couch. Lydia bit her lip, and Quinn looked up at her, tears filling her bright blue eyes. She reached a hand over, tucking some of Lydia's hair behind her ear. A tear slid down her cheek, and Quinn shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I—I can't."  
"Aunt Quinn."

Quinn shook her head as she stood up and left the room. Lydia let out a sigh, lying back on the couch. Quinn went up the stairs and into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her, leaning against it as she cried. Clay sat up in the bed, setting his book aside as he took his reading glasses off.

"Q? Hey, what is it? What's wrong?"

He was out of the bed, walking over to her, and Quinn shook her head as he wrapped his arms around her. She gripped him tight against her, crying into his shoulder. Clay just held her, running his hand through her hair until she could speak. She pulled back from him, enough to look in his eyes while still staying in his arms. She shook her head slowly.

"Lyd—She… She wants to know about Haley."

Clay covered his mouth with a hand as tears filled Quinn's eyes again.

"How … how am I supposed to tell her? I can't do that, Clay."  
"Q, we knew she'd ask one day."  
"But not now. She's barely 16, Clay."  
"I know."

Quinn shook her head, wiping her eyes. She put her hands on her hips, taking a deep breath.

"I was so mad at her for so long, Clay. But … she was my Hales. My baby sister, my best friend. And when she … when she died, I didn't know if I would make it. But I knew I had to, for Lydia. That little girl got us through some of the worst times, Clay."

A soft smile was on his face as he was remembering. Quinn walked over to him, putting her hands on his face. He closed his eyes, then opened them, looking into hers.

"How am I supposed to tell her, our little girl, about Haley? How can I hurt her like that?"

Clay sighed, speaking gently.

"Don't you think it might hurt her worse if we keep it from her?"

Quinn let her hands fall from his face, and she pushed her hair back. Clay turned to look out the window, slipping his hands in the pockets of his pajamas.

"Remember when we told Logan about Sara?"

Quinn looked at him, at the small smile that always crossed his face when he spoke of Sara.

"I do."  
"He was fourteen, when he needed to know all the details. Made me go through every single moment of that day."

Quinn nodded. She could do that for Lydia, if that's what she wanted. Quinn had relived that day thousands of times since it happened. She let out a long sigh, and Clay turned to her, holding out his arm. She walked up beside him, resting her head on his shoulder, looking out the window. Clay ran his hand up and down her arm.

"It's going to be really hard, Q. It's going to suck really bad, and she'll probably get pissed at us. But she has a right to know. Haley was her mother, and Lydia has a right to know about what she did."

Quinn nodded, letting out another sigh. Clay looked down at her, and she leaned back, looking at him. He bent down, pressing his lips to hers.

"I love you, Quinn James."

She smiled.

"I love you. We'll get through this."

Clay pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Of course we will. We always do."

* * *

Quinn left Clay fifteen minutes later, walking back downstairs. She looked in the living room, but it was empty. The lights were all off downstairs, so Quinn walked upstairs. She looked in Riley's room, and Riley was lying on her stomach, a notepad in front of her, colored pencils surrounding her. Quinn watched her for a second, saw the intensity in her blue eyes, the calculated strokes of her pencil. Quinn backed away as quietly as she could, unwilling to disturb her artist daughter's genius. She laid a hand to Jamie's door, but couldn't bring herself to open it. It was hard enough knowing he was gone, but opening the door and seeing it empty just hurt Quinn's heart. She looked in Logan's room, glancing at the clock beside his bed. 9:15. He wouldn't be home for a while still. She made it to the room at the end of the hall, holding her hand on the doorknob, bracing herself for the swarm of pink that would greet her. She opened the door and stopped.

The lights were off, and Lydia was in the bed. Quinn walked up, seeing Lydia sound asleep. She flipped on the lamp beside the bed, and Lydia didn't stir. Quinn laid a hand on Lydia's forehead, but she didn't feel warm. Their Lydia was not a sleeper. She used to be, when she was little, but as she'd grown up, she'd found that she needed little sleep, so she was always doing something. She was late to bed, early to rise, just like Haley had been. Quinn thought back to that afternoon, the conversation she'd had with Riley. Was there something amiss with her niece? Did she usually go to bed at this time? Had Quinn just been missing it? Quinn thought about it, realizing that she honestly had no clue.

She ran her hand through Lydia's hair, rubbing her own eyes. She let out a long sigh.

"Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry. We'll get to the bottom of this. I'll fix it, I promise. You'll be fine."

She bent and pressed a kiss to Lydia's forehead, flipping off the lamp as she walked out of the room. Quinn walked back to her bedroom, and Clay looked at her from the bed. He took his glasses off, set his book aside.

"That was quick."  
"She's asleep."

Clay looked at the clock, turning back to Quinn with worry on his face.

"It's early."  
"I know."

Quinn walked over, climbing in the bed with him. Clay turned to face her.

"Is she sick?"

Quinn shook her head.

"I don't know. I don't think so, but Riley and I were talking earlier. Ri's worried about her. She asked me if I thought Lydia was okay, because she'd had noticed how weird she's been acting. But I haven't seen anything, Clay. I didn't know how to answer her."

Clay pressed his lips together as he nodded. Quinn tilted her head to the side.

"What?"

Clay sighed.

"I've kind of noticed. Nothing big, nothing major. Lydia just … I don't know, she seems tired to me. Like she's stressing, maybe? Getting run down?"

Quinn sighed, pushing her hair out of her face. She looked over to Clay.

"She would come to us, wouldn't she? I mean, if something was wrong, she'd tell us, right?"

Clay sighed again, reaching over to link his fingers with Quinn's.

"I think she would. We've always told her she could come to us for anything, so I'm sure she would, if she needed us."

Quinn nodded.

"You're right. She would. She's just …"  
"Sixteen. You remember what that was like, right? The hell of your teenage years?"

Quinn laughed.

"Yes, I remember. We'll just have to be gentle with her."

Quinn took in a deep breath, letting it out.

"And we'll tell her everything tomorrow."

* * *

Lydia woke with a start, breathing hard. She squeezed her eyes shut, then opened them, sitting up in her bed. She flipped on the lamp beside the bed, looking at her clock, seeing that it was only 3:46 in the morning. She ran a hand through her hair, still breathing hard. That dream made her so uneasy.

It was nearly the same one she'd had earlier, as she slept with Jude on the hammock. This time, though, it was more than just feelings. She could see things this time, and people. She saw Jamie, he was always with her. She saw her parents, at first, when she felt so happy and safe. Tears filled her eyes then as she thought about it, seeing her dad smiling so widely at her, seeing her mom's gentle smile. Then, when the happy feeling had faded, replaced by the worry and fear, she saw Lucas, with a very unfortunate hairstyle, and, in an unfamiliar place, Peyton. The fear disappeared around Peyton, because Peyton danced around with her. Peyton made her laugh, and she felt safe again. Then, she was back home, but it wasn't like it was before. Her dad was gone. And where was her mom? Lydia could feel that her mom was nearby, but she just couldn't reach her. All of a sudden, it was dark, and she was so scared, just absolutely terrified. She screamed, until suddenly, Clay and Quinn were there. Quinn was holding her, telling her she would be all right. But then, Quinn was crying, screaming. And she kept screaming a name.

_Haley_.

Lydia threw back her covers. She was sweating, but she was also shivering. What did that mean? Why was Quinn screaming, and why was she screaming for Haley? Lydia ran her hands through her hair, and she looked at her nightstand. The picture from her dresser was there, and she picked it up. She ran her fingers back over the glass, over her mother's smiling face. Lydia looked up, into the mirror across from her bed, seeing the way her hair fell almost the exact same as Haley's did in the picture. People had always told her that she was like her mother, smart, beautiful, funny. Well, they had told her that when she was young. Now, though…

Lydia shook her head. She tried to lay back down, but she couldn't. Sleep was gone. She looked at her clock and saw that only ten minutes had passed. She climbed out of bed, slipping a sweatshirt on, and sliding her feet into her Uggs. She quickly wrote a note and laid it on her pillow, just in case, and left. She let out a breath when she stepped outside, feeling the chill in the air. She walked a little ways, down a road that she had walked many, many times before. Sometimes, when she couldn't sleep, she would do exactly what she was doing now.

She looked up, seeing the entrance to the Tree Hill Cemetery. She let out a long sigh, then walked inside. She stepped past stones that held no meaning for her, until she came across one that was borderline gaudy. The headstone was almost as tall as she was, and Lydia just shook her head when she saw it. She ran a hand over the picture on the front, one that had been scratched through and refinished, looking good as new.

"Hey, Grandpa."

Lydia always felt a twinge of sadness at Dan Scott's headstone. He was an awful person; she knew that from the stories the town still loved to tell about him. Her Aunt Karen had told her tons of stories about him, and Uncle Lucas had, too. But Jamie had loved him. Jamie missed him, and for all the bad that Lucas and Karen could tell her, Jamie had as many good things to say. And no matter what anyone said, Lydia thought of Dan as a kind of hero. She ran her hand over the dates etched into the stone, and she couldn't help but think they were too close together.

Lydia walked a little ways, seeing another headstone, with one of the same dates as her grandfather. She knelt down, brushing the leaves away from the stone.

"Hey, Daddy. Sorry it's been a while."

Nathan Royal Scott. Lydia traced the letters in his name, not even noticing the tears slipping down her cheeks. She missed him so, so much. She stared at the dates on his stone. He wasn't even thirty when he died. He never even reached thirty years old. Lydia shut her eyes as she let out a sigh, kissing her fingers and pressing them to his name.

"I miss you, Daddy. I love you."

She wiped her tears away, moving to her left, pushing the leaves away from the headstone right beside her father's.

"Hey, Mama. I know it's late, but … I felt like I needed to come see you."

Lydia let her fingers trace over the letters of her mother's headstone. Haley James Scott, Beloved Wife, Mother, and Friend. Again, the dates etched into the stone were much too close together. Her mom and dad had been the same age when they died, not even thirty.

"What happened to you, Mama?"

Lydia kept on tracing, tears rolling down her face.

"Why won't anyone talk about it? They told me about Daddy, but they never told me about you. I just … I need to know, Mama."

A sob caught in her chest, and Lydia let it out, because there was no one around to hear.

"I need to know if you felt this way, too. I can barely stand it, Mama. It hurts all the time, so badly, and I just … I can't—"

Lydia sobbed, moving her hands to wrap around her stomach, almost as if she were trying to hold herself together. It did no good, though. Lydia cried, sobbing out loud.

"I can't feel anything but sad. All the damn time, I am just so sad. The things I do … It's just so I can feel something, you know? Something other than sad."

The cut on the back of her leg was throbbing, but she didn't move. She stayed on her knees between the headstones, crying her heart out. After a while, Lydia sighed. She wiped her hands across her cheeks, looking back down, gently running her hands across the stone.

"I have to find out the truth, Mama. Maybe then I can get some closure, or something. I just don't think I can go on like this. It hurts too much. This'll help. I just know it will."

Lydia kissed her fingers, laying them to Haley's name. She did the same thing once again to Nathan's headstone, then stood up, brushing off her knees.

"I love you guys. I'll be back soon, I promise."

She turned away, walking back out. She stopped back by the huge stone, laying a hand to it.

"See you later, Grandpa."


	7. Chapter 6

_SIX_

Lucas Scott sat on the front porch of the house he grew up in, the house he was now raising his daughters in. He looked out at the driveway, where said daughters were bouncing around a basketball, trying (and failing) to get a good rhythm going. Lucas smiled as he shook his head, taking a sip of his coffee. His precious little girls had not inherited the Scott basketball player gene. He thought of his nephew, the one still taking the NBA by storm. Maybe it was a male thing.

"Dad, did you see that? That was definitely a three-pointer."

Nope. That was nowhere near a three-pointer. It was barely a two.

"Definitely, El. Great shot."

Ellie smiled, looking so much like her mother it hurt Lucas' heart. And just then, her mother walked out onto the porch, walking right over and sitting in Lucas' lap. He smiled, wrapping his arms around her as she turned to watch their daughters.

"What are they doing?"  
"I'm not entirely sure. I think it started off as a game of HORSE, and now they're just shooting."  
"Oh. They making any?"

Lucas nodded, then leaned over, resting his chin on Peyton's shoulder.

"They're so bad, Peyt."

She threw her head back, letting out a laugh.

"Luke, come on."  
"I'm serious. How did they not get even the tiniest shred of basketball ability from me? Seriously! I mean, look."

Peyton glanced over just in time to see Ellie pass the ball to Sawyer, where it bounced right past her. Peyton bit her lip, looking back to Lucas.

"They are pretty bad."  
"Thank you."  
"At least they got their cheerleading skills from me."

Lucas lifted a shoulder. He did have to give her that one. Both his girls were cheerleaders, Ellie for Tree Hill Junior High, and Sawyer at Tree Hill High School. Peyton looked down at her watch and stood up.

"Oh, we're supposed to be meeting Brooke and Meg for brunch. Hey, Scott girls!"

Peyton let out a whistle, and Ellie and Sawyer turned to look at her.

"We're meeting your Aunt Brooke in 15. Shake a leg."

They hurried inside, and Peyton walked over to Lucas, bending down to press a kiss to his mouth.

"Hey, how is Brooke doing?"  
"Fine. Café's going good, Clothes Over Bros is still on top."

Lucas nodded, and Peyton sighed.

"Luke, she's fine. It was almost six years ago."  
"I know, but he's all in the news now, and—"  
"And it doesn't bother her anymore."

Lucas sighed. Six years ago, when the twins were 10 and Megan was 5, Brooke's husband Julian was making a movie in New Zealand when the news broke that he was having an affair with one of the actresses on his movie. The actress? Alex Dupre, who had once upon a time been Brooke's model, and a thorn in her side when it came to Julian. At first, they denied everything, but the truth slowly started to be revealed, and Brooke filed for divorce. It ended up going more smoothly than anyone ever thought it would, and these days, Julian lived in Los Angeles, now married to Alex, and creating some serious Oscar buzz from his latest movie.

"Oh, did I tell you that Owen's back in town?"

Lucas looked over to Peyton, who was nonchalantly scrolling through her phone.

"Owen?"  
"Yeah. Oh, you remember him. The guy who played Slamball with Nathan? Ran the bar at Tric before he fell off the wagon?"  
"Owen … Oh my God, Owen Morello?"

Peyton smiled. Lucas hardly ever forgot anything.

"Yes, you freak. He, uh … He swung by the café the other day, talked to Brooke for a while. It was so cute, Luke. Her cheeks were all red and he was so nervous. They met for coffee a few days ago."  
"Wait a minute. So this guy just—"  
"Oh, don't you start."

Lucas looked over at his wife, who slid her phone in her purse and set her hands on her still-thin hips.

"Brooke is not yours to protect and shelter, all right? She is a grown woman with two thriving businesses, three adorable children, and in case you haven't learned it by now, B. Davis can handle herself. She wants to have a little something-something with Owen? We can't stop her. Plus, I think he'll be good for her."

Lucas blew out his breath and Peyton smiled, bending down to kiss him again. She whistled again, pulling her keys out of her bag.

"Scott girls, let's go!"

Peyton walked down off the porch, sliding into her car and starting it up. Lucas smiled, shaking his head. That old Comet had been through hell and back. Lucas could still remember fixing it up for Peyton while she was pregnant with Sawyer. He smiled as Sawyer came out of the house, giving him a kiss on the cheek before bouncing down the steps.

"Bye, Dad!"  
"See you later, Daddy!"

He lifted a hand as Sawyer and Ellie climbed in the car. Peyton blew him a kiss as she backed out of the driveway, and he watched his girls until he couldn't see them anymore. He turned back, gathering his things from the porch when he heard a quiet voice.

"Uncle Lucas?"

He turned around, seeing Lydia standing there, and he smiled.

"Hey, babe. You just missed Peyton and the girls."  
"I know. I wanted to see you."

Lucas' smile grew.

"Well, don't I feel special?"

Lydia smiled and he motioned for her to follow him.

"Come on in. It's getting pretty warm out here."

Lydia made her way up the porch steps and into the house. Lucas set his empty coffee mug in the sink and looked over at his niece, who took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Can I get you something to drink, Lyd?"

She shook her head.

"No, thanks. I'm fine."

Lucas studied her for a second. He had been worried about Lydia for a while. Something about her just seemed off, and he couldn't put his finger on why or what it was.

"You okay, kid?"

She looked up at him and smiled, and he noticed how it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'm fine. I just … I wanted to talk to you about something."

Lucas pursed his lips.

"Sounds serious."

Lydia smiled again, and Lucas walked over, sitting across from her.

"What's on your mind, pretty girl?"

Lydia took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"Will you tell me what happened to my mom?"

Lucas blinked. That was _not_ what he was expecting to hear. In fact, that was the last thing he ever thought Lydia would want to talk to him about. He cleared his throat.

"I, uh… Lyd, I …"

He took in a breath, letting it out in a sigh.

"Honey, I think this is a conversation you need to have with Quinn."

Lydia blew out her breath.

"I tried, Uncle Lucas. Last night. She just started crying and ran out of the room."

Lydia sighed as she ran a hand through her long brown hair.

"I just want to know what happened to her. I mean, I know what happened to my dad. Everyone knows what happened to him. He got shot in the head by a crazy Russian mobster."

Lucas closed his eyes and let out a breath, the way he always did when hearing something about his little brother. He opened his eyes as Lydia kept talking.

"All I know about Mama is that she died three months after Daddy did."

Oh, God. How was he supposed to do this?

"I mean, was she sick? Did she get shot, too? Did the Russians come back for her and kill her? Was it a car wreck? I need to know, Uncle Lucas, and no one will tell me anything."

He ran a hand over his face before looking back at her. He pulled out his phone, shooting Quinn a quick text message. He sighed, setting the phone on the table and looking at Lydia.

"Listen, sweetheart, I—"  
"Uncle Lucas, please. You were her best friend. You knew my mom better than anyone else. Please just tell me."

He sighed again, feeling so much older than his 44 years.

"I didn't."  
"What?"

Lucas smiled as he looked at Lydia again.

"I didn't know your mom better than anyone else. Your dad did."

Lydia smiled as her eyes drifted shut. Lucas continued to talk.

"Haley and I were best friends in high school. Well, way before then, actually. She came to my house one day when we were kids and we just couldn't get rid of her."

He smiled, hiding the ache in his heart that he felt whenever he thought of his best friend.

"She got together with your dad when we were juniors. They got married, had a baby on graduation day. Had you 8 years later."

Lydia smiled, and Lucas let out a sigh. Quinn hadn't texted him back.

"Sweetheart, I really think this is a conversation you should have with your aunt."  
"Uncle Lucas, come on. Aunt Quinn had to open the café this morning, and after last night, I really don't want to ask her again."

He let out a sigh, scrubbing his hands over his face. She had a right to know.

"Okay. Peyton and I were in L.A. when you were born. After we had Sawyer, we just wanted to get away for a while. Went to L.A., found we liked it, and stayed. Your mom called me to tell me that your dad was missing, we kept in touch, and she kept me updated on him. And she finally called me to tell me that she needed my help. She asked me to come see her, to help her out, and I did. I flew to Tree Hill and spent the day with her, and I took you and Jamie back to L.A. with me."

Lydia nodded. So if her dream wasn't even a dream at all, but a memory, that would explain it. Lucas had come to the airport to pick her and Jamie up, and the unfamiliar place she remembered was Lucas and Peyton's place out in California. And she could almost remember Peyton dancing around, holding Lydia in one arm and Sawyer in the other. Lucas sighed, and Lydia looked back over to him.

"We got the call early, early on a Friday morning."

Lucas closed his eyes. He could still hear Haley, sobbing hysterically into the phone, telling Lucas that Nathan had been shot, it was bad, they were at the hospital. He and Peyton booked a flight immediately, putting Jamie at the window, Peyton beside him, holding Sawyer, and Lucas on the aisle, keeping Lydia in his arms. They landed in Tree Hill, where Brooke's husband picked them up, rushing them to the hospital. When they got there, they hurried into a room, and a devastated Brooke had been the one to break the horrible news.

Lucas cleared his throat, as Lydia looked down at her hands. He didn't need to tell her any more. She knew the story from there. She looked up at him, and Lucas blinked back tears. The eyes looking back at him were his brother's, there was no question about that. Lydia had inherited Nathan's almost navy blue eyes.

"Peyton and I stayed in Tree Hill, helping your mom and your grandmother out for three months."  
"Grandma Deb?"

Lucas smiled, and Lydia slowly nodded her head.

"I haven't seen her in years."

Lucas nodded. Losing Nathan and Dan at the same time was almost too much for Deb to handle. Losing her son was bad enough. Even though she and Dan had been divorced for years, they had been married for a long time, and shared a child. Even though he was a bastard and a cold-blooded son of a bitch, Dan still held a piece of Deb's heart. And losing him hit her harder than anyone thought it would. Losing Haley, especially the way they did, had been the final straw. Deb had stuck around for a while, watching after Jamie and Lydia, and when Clay and Quinn had stepped up to be their guardians, to be the ones who would take care of them, Deb had left town. And she had never returned. Lucas shook his head. He didn't even know if Deb was still alive. The only way he would find out was when April and June rolled around again. Without fail, Deb would call her grandchildren on their birthdays, and send them presents at Christmas. She would never return to Tree Hill, though. Of that, Lucas was certain.

"Uncle Lucas?"

He looked to Lydia, smiling at her.

"Sorry. Got lost there for a minute."

She nodded, expectant and waiting for him to continue his story. He let out a long sigh, running a hand through his short blonde hair.

"Peyton and I had decided to go back to L.A. Things were slowly getting back to normal here, but we were happy out there. Plus, my book was at the publisher's. They were getting ready to print it up, and needed me for … well, boring book things."

Lydia smiled, watching him. He had to look away from her, unable to really handle seeing Nathan's eyes staring back in him in his beautiful niece's face. Lucas sighed, closing his eyes.

"I, uh… I got a call a little after three in the morning. I was awake, and it had just started to rain. I had this feeling in my gut that something was wrong. I just didn't know what."  
"Who was it? On the phone, I mean."

Lucas looked down, still hearing Quinn's sobs on the phone. She kept talking, but all he could understand was "Haley." She just kept saying "Haley." He cleared his throat again.

"Clay. He told me that I needed to wake Peyton up and get to the hospital."  
"Why?"

Lucas met her eyes then, and Lydia went pale.

"My mom."

He nodded, reaching over to grab it as his phone buzzed. Quinn had finally texted him back. He opened the message, letting out a sigh when he read it.

_Luke, please. Be gentle with her, or send her to me and let me tell her._

He watched Lydia start breathing hard, saw her twisting her hands together under the table. He reached over and laid one of his hands over both of hers.

"Lyd, sweetheart."  
"Don't say it. Please. I don't … I don't think I want to know anymore."

Lucas let out a sigh.

"Go and talk to your Aunt Quinn. She knows exactly what happened, and she can tell you all you need to know. I was just a secondhand bystander."

Lydia nodded, and Lucas kept his hand on hers.

"Lyd, are you okay?"

She let out a sigh, closing her eyes before she nodded. She opened her eyes, seeing Lucas in front of her, a gentle smile on his face.

"You can always talk to me about anything, kid. You know that, right?"

Lydia pushed out a smile and nodded. If only that were true. She stood up, sliding her phone in her pocket and walking to the door with Lucas behind her. She turned to face him, and he smiled down at her. She moved to put her face in his chest and he let out a sigh, wrapping his arms around her.

"I love you, Lydia."  
"I love you too, Uncle Lucas."  
"And you know your mom loved you, right?"

Lydia pulled back, nodding at him. A bad feeling had crept into her stomach, though. She had a sinking feeling, one she was praying was wrong, that whatever happened to her mom had not been an accident like she'd always thought. All she knew was that she had to see Quinn, and this time, she would get the whole story.


	8. Chapter 7

**I am so sorry it's been so long since I updated. This is a heavy story to write, and it's hard for me to write it the way I want. I'm trying though, so please bear with me. You've been pretty good at that so far, and for that, I thank you.**

* * *

_SEVEN_

Jude stepped out of the café, rolling his shoulders and popping his neck as he walked to his car. He hated the early shift. Hated it with a burning passion. And somehow, he always got stuck working it. He decided that a nap was most definitely in store for him, maybe after a workout? He let out a yawn. Yeah, probably before that workout. He started up the car, driving towards his house when someone walking on the sidewalk made him stop. He drove up to the edge of the road, slowing down to a crawl, and rolled down his window.

"Lyd? What are you doing?"

She stopped, looking over, and Jude smiled at her. She let out a sigh.

"Hey Jude."

Without another word, she walked over, climbing into the passenger seat. She leaned over, laying her head on Jude's shoulder and he put the car in park.

"Hey. What is it?"

She shook her head, reaching down to lace her fingers through his. He squeezed her hand, running his fingers through her hair.

"Do you want to go somewhere?"

She nodded.

"The park?"

She nodded again, and Jude drove them there. They went to the swings, out of habit. Ever since they were little, when something was bothering them, they would always end up at the park together. And when they did, the person who needed to talk would sit in the swing, while the person needing to listen would gently push them. It had happened so many times over the years, and the last really big thing Jude remembered was his parents' divorce, followed quickly by his dad's remarriage to Alex. He had been 10 years old, and he vividly remembered crying on that swing, while Lydia gently pushed him for what seemed like hours. Today, she sat down and Jude stood behind her, pushing her as the wind blew her gorgeous hair around. After a minute, Lydia sighed.

"I need to know what happened to my mom."

Jude stopped, missing a push. He caught her the next time she came back, gently pushing again. Lydia went on, looking out over the park.

"I need to know how she died."

Jude nodded, even though he knew Lydia couldn't see him. They didn't really talk much about her parents. Of course, he knew about them. He'd heard the stories all his life, had been touched by the legacy they'd left behind, the biggest part being the girl on the swing in front of him.

Now that he thought about it, Jude didn't know the details of Haley's death, either. He knew about Nathan; he'd stood in the same position he was in now, pushing Lydia on the swing on countless Father's Days, listening to her cry and tell the story of the father she never got to know. He'd pushed her on many Mother's Days, too, listening to her cry about how much she missed her mom. A mother she never got to know, either. Jude ran a hand over his neck, pushing again as Lydia swung back to him.

"Lyd, are you sure?"

She glanced over her shoulder, and his heart thumped in his chest at how beautiful she was. He loved her so much it hurt. He just wished she could see it, and that she could love herself as much. She nodded, then stopped the swing, climbing out to sit in it backwards, where she could see Jude's face. He automatically reached down and took her hand.

"Jude, I keep having these weird dreams. I had one when we were out on the hammock, and then another one last night."

Her cheeks flushed when she talked about the hammock, and Jude tried to hide his smile.

"Tell me."

She looked up at him, moving her foot around in circles in the rocks and told him. She also told him about going to see Lucas, and what he'd told her. By the time she was finished with the story, she had tears in her eyes.

"I'm just scared, Jude. By the way everyone's acting, it's like they don't want to tell me. What if the reason they don't… What if it's something bad?"  
"Listen to me."

He knelt down, where they were eye-to-eye. He held his hands on her thighs and she looked from them to his face. He smiled gently at her.

"Whatever you find out, it wasn't your fault, okay?"  
"Jude, I—"  
"Come on, Lyd. We both know the truth here."

He was right. He was always right. He knew her so well. Lydia reached over, laying her hands on his strong arms.

"I'm so scared of what she might tell me."

Jude moved a hand to her face, letting out a breath as she closed her eyes, leaning into his hand.

"It's going to be okay, Lyd."  
"I don't even know what she might say."  
"Stop worrying about it, and just go ask her."

Lydia sighed, and Jude kept his hand on her face.

"You're right."

He smiled.

"Of course I am."

She let out a laugh and Jude caught her in a hug. They stood up like that, and Lydia rested her head against his chest as he held her. He pulled back, looking down at her as she looked up at him, and he gently pressed his lips to hers. Lydia sighed as she leaned into him, and Jude tightened his grip on her. He ended the kiss, instantly regretting it like he always did, and pressed his lips against her forehead. He reached and took her hand, leading her out of the park, back to the car.

* * *

Lydia stood on the front porch, her hand on the doorknob, but she couldn't bring herself to open the door. She knew Quinn was home, because her car was in the garage. Lydia took a deep breath, trying to fight off the dread that threatened to settle right on top of her and with a shaking hand, pulled open the door.

The house was quiet. Unusually so, for a Sunday afternoon. It was March, so Lydia knew that some kind of sports something had to be on TV. She didn't grow up around Clay Evans, sports agent extraordinaire, without learning that. Still, there were no TVs on. Lydia walked into the kitchen, seeing nothing. Quinn wasn't fixing supper, no one was finishing up homework at the bar. Lydia swallowed, letting out a shaky breath as she stepped into the living room, meeting Quinn's gentle blue eyes.

"I was wondering when you'd get home."

Lydia smiled and nodded.

"I went to see Uncle Lucas."

Quinn nodded, not mentioning the texts she and Lucas had exchanged.

"And then I ran into Jude."

Quinn's smile went soft at the mention of Jude. It kind of frightened her, how deep and intense the connection between Lydia and Jude was. She was so grateful for it, though, that Lydia had someone who loved her so, who would listen to her and be there for her in a way that Quinn or the rest of her family couldn't. Quinn looked back to Lydia, saw her absently chewing on her bottom lip. She smiled, standing up and holding out a hand. Lydia walked over and took it, sitting on the couch beside her aunt. Quinn took a deep breath, then turned to face Lydia.

"First off, I want to say that I'm sorry for the way I acted last night."  
"Aunt Quinn, I—"  
"No, let me."

Quinn took another breath, then smiled at Lydia, trying to hold back the tears in her eyes.

"Honey… You have to remember, your mom was my little sister and my very best friend. Losing her was … was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through."

A tear dripped down her cheek, and Quinn had to take a breath to steady herself.

"You caught me off-guard last night, honey. I wasn't ready, but I am now. Just know that this is going to be hard for me. Talking about Haley always hurts. But I'm ready, so whatever you want to know, you can ask, and I'll tell you."

Lydia nodded, taking in a deep breath. She looked down at her hands, speaking softly.

"What happened to her, Aunt Quinn?"

Quinn took in a deep breath, closing her eyes. After a moment, she opened them, looking over to Lydia, into those dark blue eyes that reminded her so much of Nathan. Lydia had Nathan's eyes, but her beautiful face had many aspects of Haley. Lydia had Haley's lips and her nose, the same color hair. Sometimes Quinn would glance over and have to do a double-take, because she thought she had seen Haley. Lydia was so much like her mother, and she didn't even know it. And now, Quinn was about to break her heart. She took another breath, then reached to take Lydia's hand.

"What did Lucas tell you this morning?"

Lydia glanced out the window, thinking.

"He told me about when he came and got Jamie and me, took us back to LA with him while Daddy was missing. He told me about the call when Daddy died, and bringing us home, staying here for like three months. He said he and Aunt Peyton were getting ready to go back to LA when they got another call, about Mama."

Quinn had let go of Lydia's hand, and she covered her mouth with both of her hands for a second, nodding. She let her hands fall, trying to gather her thoughts.

"Aunt Quinn? It's okay, you don't—"  
"Oh, sweetie. Just give me a minute."

She got her emotions under control and stared at the fireplace. Lydia curled her legs up under her on the couch, her shoes on the floor, just watching Quinn. After a minute, Quinn spoke softly, letting herself go back, telling Lydia the story.

"When your dad went missing, we… God, it was terrible. Clay was having some issues of his own, and I was lost, trying to help him, and Haley, and help take care of you and your brother. When Lucas came and took you and Jamie back with him, we were able to throw everything we had into finding Nathan. Your grandfather was the one who tracked him down. He tried to keep it from your mom, to keep her from going there herself, but she got it out of him."

Quinn smiled, remembering Haley, how fantastic she was up against Dan Scott. Quinn's smile fell, as she remembered what happened that fateful almost-spring night.

"Dan teamed up with Chris Keller and Julian."  
"Wait, Chris Keller the singer?"

Quinn smiled. Chris Keller had skyrocketed to stardom after … well, after. He had been the one to pull Nathan and Dan out of the building before it exploded, but when neither of them survived, he left town. However, he had been the one to donate the money and rename the Rivercourt in Nathan's memory, and he'd set up a scholarship fund in Haley's. But he'd never come back to Tree Hill. Lydia spoke quietly.

"And Julian? Jude's dad?"

Quinn nodded.

"You know the story there, right?"

Lydia sighed and nodded.

"Grandpa Dan went in to try and save Dad, but they shot Daddy before Grandpa could get to him. Grandpa tried to get him out and they shot him, too."

Quinn nodded.

"Chris was able to get them both out to Julian and the car before the warehouse exploded, but—"  
"It was too late."

Quinn nodded. She reached over, taking Lydia's hand.

"Your dad held on, until they got to the hospital. Your mom and I were waiting there, and Haley … Nathan smiled when he saw her. He told your mom that he loved her, and she kissed him. They whisked him off to surgery, but—"  
"He didn't make it."

Quinn shook her head, letting out a breath. Lydia swallowed.

"And Grandpa never made it out of the car."

Quinn nodded, closing her eyes as the memory took over. She spoke softly.

"The funerals were horrible. Jamie came, but we left you with Mouth and Millie. You were so little, and … Millie said you screamed the entire time. I came and got you, and you calmed down. When everything was over, we … We brought you and Jamie home. Brooke came, and Lucas and Peyton. You went to Brooke and she held you for what seemed like a few days."

Lydia looked down at the couch, then back up to Quinn.

"Where was Mom?"

Quinn shut her eyes, then opened them and let out a sigh.

"She … She had a really hard time letting go of Nate. After the funeral, she came home and went to bed. And she stayed there for the next three months."

Lydia sat back against the couch.

"What about Jamie and me?"

Quinn smiled through the tears in her eyes.

"Clay and I were here. And Deb stayed with us. Brooke and Peyton came by every day, letting you play with Sawyer and the boys."

Lydia shook her head.

"So Mom just … What, forgot about us?"  
"No, sweetie, no. She was just sad about your dad, and she was … She was just trying to find a way to cope."  
"And taking care of her children wasn't the way to do that?"

Quinn let out a sigh, and Lydia pulled her hand away.

"Honey, everyone processes grief in a different way. And losing your dad was such a huge thing for your mom to go through-"  
"Did she get any help?"

Quinn stopped, and Lydia continued.

"She was obviously depressed, in a bad way. Did she talk to anyone or get some medicine to take or something?"

Quinn let out a shaky breath.

"We took her to a therapist. They gave her some antidepressants, but … They didn't seem to work."  
"So she just suffered for three months?"

Quinn sighed again, and Lydia closed her eyes.

"What happened after that?"

Quinn shut her eyes, tears leaking out and down her cheeks. Lydia opened her eyes.

"Aunt Quinn, what happened after that?"

Quinn opened her eyes, taking in a deep breath.

"We had to go on with our lives, for you and for Jamie. We kept thinking that Haley would snap out of it one day. She had done something like this before, when our mom died, but this … It was worse."

Quinn stopped, taking in another breath.

"Clay had promised to take Jamie and Logan to play at the Rivercourt. I sent you with him, and he dropped you off with Brooke and the boys, for some fashion shoot for Bakerman and the Clothes Over Bros line Brooke was restarting. When I came back inside, Haley was there."

Quinn smiled, and Lydia just watched her.

"I spent the whole day talking to her, trying to feed her, brushing her hair. Brooke brought you home late that afternoon, and I ran to get you, to bring you back to Haley, but … She was gone by the time I got back. I told Clay, and he said this was a big step, and that maybe tomorrow Haley would—would be better."

Tears were rolling down Quinn's cheeks, and Lydia had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She swallowed, and Quinn went on with her story.

"We went through the rest of the day, feeding you guys supper, taking baths, putting you to bed. I just knew that things were starting to look up, you know? Haley was coming back to us. I kissed Clay goodnight, and we went to sleep. And at about three that morning, you started screaming."

Lydia brought her eyes up to Quinn, who couldn't look at her. Quinn spoke, but it was almost like someone else was telling the story.

"Clay and I ran to you, thinking something had to be wrong. You would wake up and cry sometimes, of course. All babies do. But you never sounded the way you did that night. These almost blood-curdling screams, like someone was killing you. I picked you up, holding you as close as I could, trying to calm you down. And that's … That's when Clay realized what you were saying."

Quinn looked over to her, eyes overflowing with tears.

"_Mama._ You kept saying _'Mama'_ and we didn't know why. Clay went and looked in on the boys, but they were asleep. They could sleep through just about anything. He went to check on Haley, and came running back, because she wasn't in her room."

Quinn shut her eyes, holding a hand over her mouth before wiping at her eyes. She took a deep breath before continuing the story.

"We ran through the house, trying to find her. I carried you downstairs, and I walked into the kitchen and… The medicine cabinet was empty."

Quinn shook her head, looking straight in front of her.

"Every bottle was lined up on the counter, and every single one was completely empty."

Lydia put a hand over her mouth as tears came to her eyes. Quinn spoke, her speech peppered with sobs.

"Clay came running in, saying Haley wasn't anywhere in the house. I pointed to the counter, and he stopped, then looked outside. He took off running, and I put you in your playpen, then ran after him."

Quinn stopped, letting the sobs come, and Lydia cried silently beside her. Quinn took in a deep breath, speaking through her tears.

"Clay came up out of the deep end of the pool with Haley in his arms. He tried CPR while I called 9-1-1, and the ambulance came. We rode behind the ambulance, and Skills stayed with you kids. We called Lucas and Brooke, and they came to the hospital. Deb met us there, too, and Taylor. And the doctors came to tell us that they had done everything they could, but Haley was gone."

Quinn put her face in her hands and cried, while Lydia sat still, barely even breathing. Her blood ran cold, like ice through her veins. God, she was so cold. After a minute, Lydia took in a breath.

"She … she killed herself?"

Quinn lifted her head, looking over to Lydia.

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry."

Lydia shook her head.

"How could she … How could she do that?"  
"Lydia—"  
"What about us? Did she even care? Did she even think of us? She had two kids to take care of, and she just … Oh my God."  
"Honey—"

Lydia shook her head, standing up. Her whole body trembled, and Quinn stood up in front of her.

"Lydia, listen to me."  
"Did I do something wrong?"

Quinn froze.

"What?"

Lydia shook her head, tears sliding down her cheeks. Quinn felt her heart break.

"Oh, honey, no. No, this was not your fault. She … Haley just …"

Lydia shut her eyes, feeling the room start to close in on her. She couldn't stand to be there for one more second. She turned around and took off running, throwing open the front door, completely ignoring Quinn's calls. Quinn stood at the door, watching Lydia run, letting out a breath before the tears took over again.


	9. Chapter 8

_EIGHT_

Lydia ran until she couldn't anymore, until her sides were aching. Tears had been constantly running down her face, and she had been sobbing until her throat hurt. Her hair hung around her head in knots, tangled from the wind as she ran. Sometime during the run, it had started to rain, and now, Lydia was soaked to the bone. She was so cold; had been cold ever since Quinn told her … Lydia gasped now, trying not to throw up again. She'd already done it once, as soon as she'd turned the corner, unable to see her house behind her anymore.

She was still crying, and she looked up from the ground, blinking in the steady rain, to notice that she was standing in front of Brooke Davis' house. Almost mechanically, she walked to the door, ringing the doorbell. She started to turn around and go, but when she heard footsteps, she squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking out from under her eyelids as the door swung open.

"Sorry, I was down… Lydia?"

She looked up, seeing Jude in front of her, shirtless and sweaty, with a towel around his neck. A look of worry immediately crossed his face.

"Lyd, what are you doing?"  
"I don't know."

Tears fell from her eyes, and Jude looked around behind her.

"How did you get here?"  
"I ran."  
"You ran? From your house? Babe, it's pouring out here."

She nodded, and Jude looked down.

"Lydia, where are your shoes?"

She looked down, just then noticing her bare feet. She looked back up to his face and started sobbing again, and Jude reached over, taking her in his arms and pulling her inside. He shut the door behind them and took her face in his hands.

"Lydia, what? What is it? What happened?"

She shook her head, crying harder. Her knees buckled and Jude caught her, swinging her up in his arms and carrying her up the stairs. She was shaking in his arms, gripping his neck as tightly as she dared.

"I'm so cold, Jude. So very cold. I'm just so cold."  
"Hang on, Lyd."

He brought her upstairs, to his mother's room, going to the bathroom and turning on the shower. She huddled in a corner, her clothes dripping, creating a puddle around her as she held her arms around her knees. Steam began to fill the bathroom and Jude walked to her, kneeling to take her hands.

"Come on. This will warm you up."

Lydia didn't think so. She didn't think she'd ever be warm again. How could she? How could anything ever be right, when her mother had … A sob escaped her throat, and she felt Jude's lips against her forehead. His voice was gentle as he pulled her to her feet.

"Come on, baby. It's okay. I'm right here."

He was speaking to her as if she was a child or a scared animal or something. And strangely enough, it soothed her. Lydia stared up at him with watery blue eyes, and Jude ran a hand over her cheek. He took a breath and reached down, pushing the jacket off her shoulders. He stared into her eyes as he took hold of the bottom of her shirt, lifting it gently over her head. She shivered, hard, standing in front of him in her bra and jeans. He swallowed, never taking his eyes from hers.

"Go ahead. I'll be right here."

His voice was husky, and his eyes … His eyes held a look of hunger, almost desperation, and Lydia almost imperceptibly shook her head. It couldn't be for her. At least, it shouldn't be. She started to push the shower curtain back, but she stopped, turning back, seeing that look in his eyes.

"Jude, I—"

He let out a groan, moving forward, catching her in his arms and pushing her against the wall. He kept one arm around her, and used to other against the wall to brace himself. His lips found hers, hungry and aggressive, yet somehow still gentle. Lydia wrapped her arms around his bare chest, clutching him close, the heat from his skin against hers finally warming her. His lips left hers for just a second, finding her neck and she let out a whimper, threading her hands through his hair and holding him there. He kissed back to her lips, groaning when he reached down, catching her leg, feeling the cold, the wetness of her jeans.

That snapped him out of the haze he was in, and he pulled back from her, breaths heaving in and out of his chest. He looked at her through the steam that had filled the bathroom, saw her lips swollen and red, the mark he'd left against her neck. He hung his head, resting his forehead on her shoulder.

"Damn it. Oh, damn it."  
"J—Jude?"

He looked up, into her eyes. Emotions were swirling in the deep blue, and he could see every one of them. Hurt, confusion. A look that was so lost it hurt his heart. And something else, something he tried to convince himself he wasn't seeing. She was hurting, and he was taking advantage of that. She couldn't be wanting him just as much. He shook his head, moving to kiss her lips again, gentler than before.

"Get in the shower, Lyd. I'll be right back."  
"Jude, I—"  
"I'll be right back."

He kissed her forehead again, before turning and walking out of the bathroom. Lydia let out a long breath, one that seemed to come from the depths of her soul. She took off the rest of her clothes and climbed in the shower, letting out another breath as the warmth of the water began taking the chill from her bones. She went through the motions of the shower, washing her hair, conditioning it with Brooke's shampoo and conditioner, but her thoughts were totally and completely wrapped up in what had just happened. She kept lifting her hand to her lips, still feeling Jude's there.

Wanting to feel them again.

* * *

Jude berated himself from the second he left Lydia, through his shower—his icy cold shower, which did nothing to ease the heat racing through his body—and continued to do so as he dressed before walking back to her. He stopped, pushing a smile on his face when he saw her sitting on the edge of the tub, a towel wrapped around her. She looked up at him, and he walked over, kneeling in front of her.

"You okay?"

She lifted a shoulder and he smiled, running a hand down her arm.

"I'm sure Mom won't mind if you borrow some of her clothes, but—"  
"Can I have some of yours?"

He looked up to her eyes, and she held his gaze for a second, before looking down again.

"I'm still kind of cold, and your clothes are big and—and they'd be warm."

He smiled, nodding his head, since his damn tongue had decided to crawl down his throat. He stood up, holding out a hand, and she took it, going to stand up and gasping, wincing, sitting back on the edge of the tub.

"What is it?"

Lydia's face was twisted in pain, until Jude knelt back down.

"Sweetie, what is it?"

Lydia let out a breath.

"My feet."

Jude looked down, picking a foot up gently, laying it on his knee.

"Damn, Lydia."

She exhaled sharply, and Jude sighed, picking up her other foot. The soles of her feet were covered in cuts and bruises, some still bleeding. Jude looked up to her eyes, and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't feel it."

He sighed, wondering just how it was possible for him to worry about her when she was right in front of him. Jude gently set her feet back down, walking over to the medicine cabinet. Lydia watched him, and when he opened the cabinet, she squeezed her eyes shut. Jude gathered some supplies, then walked back over, kneeling in front of her.

"This might hurt."

Lydia nodded, laying her feet back on Jude's lap. He took in a deep breath, pouring peroxide over the cuts on her feet. Lydia took in a sharp breath, closing her eyes again, as Jude whispered how sorry he was under his breath.

What Lydia couldn't tell him, what she couldn't tell anyone, was that she welcomed the pain. These days, Lydia felt so damn numb all the time, and she hated it. She welcomed the sting of pain, grateful for the burn, because it proved to her that she was still alive. That even though she felt so sad and down all the time, she could still feel. There were two ways now that she could feel: She felt pain, and she felt something deep in her soul when she was with Jude.

He wrapped her foot in gauze, moving to the other one and doing the same thing to it. Lydia let out a shaky breath as the burn of the peroxide set in, reaching out and gripping Jude's shoulder. He murmured under his breath some more, until he was finished. He finished wrapping her foot and looked up at her, smiling gently.

"You okay?"

She gave him a small smile, nodding her head. He patted her legs, standing up.

"Let's go get you those clothes."

She nodded again, pulling the towel tighter around her, and Jude bent down, looking her in the eyes as he picked her up in his arms. He carried her to his room, setting her down on the bed. He stared at her for a minute, lost in how gorgeous she was, until he cleared his throat.

"Shirts in the third drawer, sweats or pajamas in the bottom. I'm going to go put your clothes in the dryer for a while."

Lydia nodded, and Jude smiled. He lifted a hand to her face, and she closed her eyes, turning her face towards his hand. He let out a shaky breath, walking out, closing the door behind him, leaning against it when he did, running his fingers through his hair. Oh, they should not be alone together. He knew that in his heart, because she was sort of (read: REALLY) messed up at the moment. He gathered her clothes and jogged down the stairs, tossing her clothes in the dryer and starting it up. He leaned against the kitchen counter on his way back upstairs, taking a few deep breaths. She needed him to be her friend right then. To listen to her, give her advice, maybe. Not try and jump her bones. God, he wanted to, but it wasn't what she needed. She was so much more important to him, and helping her was his main focus now.

Jude steeled himself with that knowledge and walked back to the stairs, ignoring the phone as it began to ring. He walked back to his room, smiling when he saw his door was open and Lydia was sitting on the edge of his bed. She had his black THHS sweatshirt on, one that was about twelve sizes too big for her, and his favorite pair of green plaid pajama bottoms. He walked over to her, kneeling in front of her again. She met his eyes.

"How do I look?"

Jude bit his lips, trying to hide his smile until he saw the way her lips were barely turning up. He let out an almost silent laugh, moving his hands to her thighs.

"You're a knockout, babe."

Lydia smiled then, actually smiled as she looked down, and Jude let out a sigh. He reached up and pushed his hand through her hair, then stood up. Lydia watched him leave, unable to stop the smile as he walked back in, Brooke's hairbrush in hand. He knelt back in front of her, put his hands back on her legs.

"If you want, I'll brush your hair, and you can talk. I know how much you like it when Quinn brushes your hair, and I promise I'll be easy."

Tears came to Lydia's eyes again. She tried to stop them, but it was so easy for her to just let it all go around Jude. She just nodded, closing her eyes, feeling Jude kiss her cheek before climbing on the bed behind her, taking her arms and pulling her back with him. She settles in and Jude begins to gently brush her hair. With a sigh, Lydia speaks quietly.

"Aunt Quinn told me about my mom."

Jude didn't stop brushing, but nodded his head. Lydia looked up, realized that she could see him in the mirror. After it was quiet for a minute, Jude looked up, meeting Lydia's eyes.

"What happened?"

Tears came back to Lydia's eyes, and she watched him run the brush through her hair a few more times. When he had brushed the tangles from her hair, when it was straight and smooth, he ran a hand over it, setting the brush down and leaning up. Lydia leaned back against him, and Jude slowly ran his hands up and down her arms. He whispered in her ear, as she settled back against him.

"What is it, babe?"

Lydia let out a sigh, opening her eyes as a tear slid down her cheek.

"My mother killed herself. She took a bunch of pills, then jumped in the deep end of the pool."

Lydia shrugged her shoulders, letting out a laugh.

"Apparently, we used to have a pool. Who knew?"

Jude sighed, at a complete loss. He had no idea what to say, any way to even begin to help her. She sobbed and closed her eyes, leaning back into him before turning around and wrapping an arm around his neck. Jude sighed, taking her in his arms, leaning back until they were lying on the bed.

"Lyd, I am so sorry."

Lydia nodded against him, moving in closer.

"I just … I can't believe this, Jude. Everything anyone has ever said about my mother has been good. Too good, you know? I mean, they made her out to be a freakin' saint, and then to find out this is how she died …"

Lydia shook her head, sitting up. Tears were in her eyes, and she looked back at him, and he moved up, propping himself on one arm. She took in a breath, clutching the blanket on Jude's bed, clenching and unclenching it in her fists. He moved closer to her.

"Lyd, what?"

She closed her eyes, shaking her head. He knew her so well. Of course he realized there was something else, something she wasn't telling him. She took in a shaky breath, looking to the wall and speaking to it instead of Jude.

"She was depressed after my dad died. Aunt Quinn said she went to bed, and she just stayed there. For three months, she stayed in bed, not taking care of her kids, or herself, and then one day, she got up. And she killed herself that night."

Jude let out a breath, moving to take Lydia in his arms again, moving right up behind her, pulling her back to his chest, moving his head to her shoulder.

"Lydia, listen to me."

She shook her head, crying again, moving her hands to where his were clasped around her chest, gripping tight. Jude sighed, doing his best to wrap himself around her, to let her know she wasn't alone.

"Lydia, hey. You're not your mom. Okay? You are strong, and—"  
"No, I'm not. Jude, you've seen me. You've been there through this. Tell me what it is. Tell me what's wrong with me."

She moved from his arms, standing up in front of the bed, wincing when her feet hit the floor. He swung his legs over, sitting where she had been just a second earlier. Tears slid down her cheeks, but her voice was clear.

"Tell me, Jude."  
"I'm not a psychiatrist, Lyd."

She shook her head, letting out a laugh.

"You don't have to be. I'm depressed. That's obvious. Just like my mom."  
"No."  
"I'm following in her footsteps, Jude. Can't you see that?!"

He stood up, taking hold of her shoulders, forcing her to look at him.

"You listen to me right now. You are not your mother. No matter what anyone says, all right? Damn it, Lydia, look at me!"

She did, taking in a shaking breath. Jude moved his hands to her face, stepping closer to her.

"Lydia Scott, I swear to you, I will not let you get to that point."  
"Jude, you … You can't …"  
"What?"

She was breathing hard, looking into his eyes, and he kept his hands on her face, just waiting. Everything in the room faded away, everything screaming through her mind stopped. All she could see was Jude. All she could feel were his hands holding her cheeks, all she could smell was him. She let her hands come up, resting on the warm skin of his bicep, just under the sleeve of his t-shirt. She locked her eyes on his.

"Kiss me."

He blinked, staring at her. Her voice had been so soft he thought he might have imagined it.

"What?"  
"Kiss me."

Well, he certainly hadn't imagined that. Jude leaned down, pressing his lips to hers, feeling her sigh and relax against him. She looped her arms around his neck and Jude let his hands slide from her face, through her wet hair, to rest against her waist. He kept the kiss as gentle and easy as he could, and Lydia let her hands roll through his hair. She sighed against his lips, and Jude pulled back, resting his forehead against hers.

"I love you."

Lydia sighed, trying to shake her head, but he stopped her.

"Stop fighting me, Lyd. Please."  
"Jude, I—"  
"Shh."

He kissed her again, dipping his tongue to touch hers, feeling her shiver in his arms, swallowing her little moan and smiling against her mouth. She pulled back this time, her voice full of emotion.

"Jude, you deserve someone so much better than me."

God, could she break his heart any more? He let out a laugh, moving his lips across her forehead, down her cheek.

"There is no one better than you, Lydia."

She tried to shake her head again, and Jude caught her lips with his. She squeezed his arms, where her hands had come to rest, and he pulled back to look at her. She had her eyes squeezed shut.

"Lydia. Hey, sweetheart, look at me."

She opened her eyes slowly, and he smiled. He ran his hand over her cheek, and her eyes drifted close at his touch. He whispered her name again, and she opened her eyes, locking on his.

"I love you. I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. I will stand beside you, no matter what comes, no matter what you go through, all right? And I will not let you follow in your mother's footsteps. I won't, Lyd, I swear."

She let out a breath, flexing her hands on his arms. He smiled, pushing her hair behind her ear. She nodded, and he took her in his arms, turning his head in to her hair, as she gripped his back as tightly as she could. After a minute, he turned and pulled the blanket back on his bed and she climbed in. He tucked her in, before walking around to his side, doing the same things, before taking her in his arms. She relaxed against him, letting out a sigh, and seconds later, she was asleep in his arms. Jude let out a breath, praying that this was the time he'd finally gotten through to her. He shut his eyes as he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

* * *

Davis Baker stopped in his tracks at Jude's door. His eyes widened when he saw Lydia, bringing his gaze back to Jude.

"Dude, don't you ever answer your damn phone?"

Davis spoke in a whisper, and Jude let out a sigh, speaking just as softly.

"I was kind of preoccupied."  
"Yeah, I can see that."  
"Davis, what the hell do you want?"

Davis sighed, leaning against the doorframe.

"Well, everyone in the damn town is going crazy looking for her."

Jude looked down at Lydia, who shifted in his arms.

"What do you mean?"  
"She took off from Quinn, wouldn't answer her phone. They found the phone in her room, and Quinn freaked. Mom's been calling you for, like, the past hour."

Jude closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. That would explain the reason the house phone kept ringing, which he just kept ignoring.

"Well, call Mom and tell her that Lydia's here, and she's fine."  
"Why don't you call her?"  
"Because I'm still kind of preoccupied, Davis!"

Davis laughed under his breath. He held his hands up.

"Fine. I'll call Mom, let her know Lyd's here. Let her know she'll probably be crashing here tonight?"

Jude nodded.

"You realize you will have to get up and talk to Mom and/or Quinn, right?"

Jude sighed, nodding again.

"Later. Could you-?"

Davis nodded.

"I will hold off the dogs while you two get your beauty sleep."

Jude rolled his eyes, blowing out his breath as Davis turned to walk away.

"Hey, Davis?"

Davis turned around, and Jude sighed.

"Can you not tell anyone about…?"

Jude wanted to punch the smirk off of his brother's face. But Davis nodded.

"My lips are sealed, little brother."

Davis turned and walked back down the stairs, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he did. Jude ran a hand through his hair, looking down at Lydia, then up at the ceiling, until Davis walked back in.

"Sorry, man. Mom's not too happy."

Jude let out a sigh, holding out a hand and taking the phone from his brother.

"Mom, I—"  
"Jude Baker, can you tell me why it is I pay for that phone if you're not going to answer it?"  
"Mom, I—"  
"Do you have any idea how worried I have been?"

Jude let out his breath, and Brooke sighed.

"She's there with you?"  
"Yes ma'am."  
"Is she all right?"  
"She's asleep right now, but Mom…"

Jude shook his head, letting out his breath. Brooke's voice was soft.

"I know, honey."

Brooke let out another sigh.

"Let me call Quinn, let her know our girl's okay. I'll be home around 9:00, and we'll talk, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"I love you, Jude."  
"Love you too, Mom."

They ended the call, and Davis took his phone back.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"  
"Davis?"  
"Yeah."  
"Go the hell away."

Davis laughed as he waved a hand, walking down the stairs. Jude settled back, letting out a sigh. Lydia moved closer to him, resting her head on his chest, and Jude kissed her forehead before laying back and closing his eyes.


	10. Chapter 9

**First of all, I would just like to apologize for how long it's been since I updated! I'm in x-ray school, and I just wrapped up my second semester. Finals were a bitch, but I passed all my classes, and I've got a whole week before I start classes again! I'm hoping to use that time to further my stories a little bit, especially this one!  
**

**This story is hard to write, because I think I'm a bit of a method writer. Kind of like method acting, you know? Not so much so that I do the things my characters do, but I try to get inside their heads a bit. That's especially hard for me to do with Lydia, but I think I may have found a spark of inspiration. ;)**

**I'd like to take this opportunity and say a big THANK YOU to crissdq, ScRuPuLoUs, gabbyd628, tilkingdomcomeCQ, and the guests/anons for your reviews! I read all of your kind words, and this chapter's for you! This one takes place a few days after Chapter 8.**

* * *

_NINE_

Jude Baker could remember only one or two times where he felt mad enough to cause physical harm to someone. When he and Davis were six, Davis broke some little action figure. Jude couldn't even remember which one now, but at the time, it must have felt like the end of the world. Which is the only explanation as to why he broke Davis' nose. When he was fourteen, some kid in a locker room was talking about Lydia, in a way that a stupid sixteen-year-old kid should not be. Yeah, the kid was older, bigger, and a massive jerk, but Jude was mad—furious, really—and this time, Davis had kept watch while Jude beat the shit out of the guy.

He could add this time to the list, even though the only person he'd hurt was himself.

Julian Baker, for some ungodly reason, had decided to enact his parental rights. Never mind the almost-seven years since he'd pretty much checked out. No, _now_ Julian decided that he needed all three of his children to spend their Spring Break with him. Meg was still little enough to believe she'd have fun with Daddy, and Davis had stars in his eyes over being in Los Angeles. Jude would be just as happy in Tree Hill, working at the damn café, something he had actually begged for. He'd blinked big brown eyes at Brooke, who'd just shaken her head, because her hands were tied. She had primary custody, but Julian was able to pick his holidays and visitation.

The bastard.

Jude had said as much, and gotten thoroughly chewed out by Brooke, and then had to explain to Meg why "bastard" was not a word a precious little girl such as herself could use. (Brooke's words, not Jude's. Although he did agree that he needed to watch his mouth around his little sister.) Jude had _just_ squeaked by getting his mouth washed out with soap, and had taken the high road and ignored Davis' cackling from just outside the door. Resigning himself to his fate, Jude had gone to see Lydia, finding her out on the hammock again. She sat up when she saw him coming, and she scrambled over to him.

"What happened to you?"

Jude sighed, holding his quickly-bruising left hand gently.

"I punched a wall."

Lydia lifted an eyebrow at him.

"You punched a wall?"

Jude nodded, wincing as Lydia laid gentle fingers to his hand.

"Was it a brick wall?"  
"That's a very good possibility."

She let out a sigh, looking up at him.

"Come on. Quinn's at the café with Riley, and Clay's taken Logan … somewhere."

Jude followed her inside, sitting at one of the stools in the kitchen while she walked to the freezer. She put a few cubes of ice in a Zip-Loc bag, wrapping it in a dishcloth, then walking over and setting it gently on Jude's hand. He hissed out a breath, then relaxed. Lydia reached up, brushing his hair back, and Jude's eyes drifted closed. Her voice was quiet when she spoke.

"So… Why exactly did you punch a wall?"

He opened his eyes, letting out another sigh. Lydia didn't push him; she never did. When he was ready, he'd tell her. He looked down at the table, then back up to her beautiful navy-blue eyes.

"My dad called."

Lydia nodded, and he bet she didn't even realize when she reached out, linking her fingers with his. He let out another sigh, looking down at their hands instead of her face.

"He's cashing in his visitation chips, so guess who gets to spend spring break in L.A.?"

He heard the sharp intake of breath, looking up. Damn it. Exactly what he'd been afraid of. Lydia's eyes were wide, her breath starting to speed up. Jude tightened his grip on her hand, and she started to shake.

"No, you—You can't leave. Jude, I—"  
"Calm down. Hey, Lyd. Come here."

She walked around the counter, immediately going to him, climbing into his lap, settling herself in his arms—well, arm—resting her head under his chin, gathering a handful of his shirt. She'd started doing that lately, every time she was near him, getting as close to him as humanly possible. Jude pressed a kiss to her forehead, then ran his hand up and down her back.

"Lyd, you've been doing good these past couple of days."

She shook her head, leaning into him even more. Jude let out a sigh, mentally cursing his father yet again. He kept on talking, kept running his fingertips up and down her spine.

"It's just a week, honey. I'll be back before you know it."  
"Jude, I don't think I can do this without you."

His heart was breaking. He was going to make damn sure this week would be the week from hell for Julian, ensuring that at least for the next time, only Davis and Meg would be invited to go. Lydia let out a ragged sigh.

"I'm being so selfish."  
"No, baby, you're not. I want to stay more than anything. God, I fucking hate him."

Lydia let out a laugh.

"What a mouth on this one."

Jude smiled, kissing her forehead again. She tilted her head up, and Jude ran a hand down her chin, bending to press his lips to hers. Lydia let her hands come up, cradling his face. Lydia pulled back, moving back to rest her head just above his heart. Jude let out a sigh, scrubbing his hand over his face.

"There's no way I can go a week without that. Screw Julian."

Lydia laughed, moving to loop an arm around his neck. Jude rubbed his hand up and down her back. After a moment, Lydia moved back, going to lift the ice from his hand.

"This looks terrible, Jude. You should probably go to the hospital, get it x-rayed, just in case."  
"Nah, nothing's broken."  
"Really, Dr. Baker? You sure about that?"

He let out a laugh, gritting his teeth when Lydia's gentle fingers hit a particularly tender spot. She nodded.

"I think there might be some damage to this third knuckle right here."

Jude shook his head, until Lydia pinched the knuckle between her thumb and forefinger.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!"

She nodded.

"Still think nothing's broken?"  
"I don't want to go to the hospital, Lyd."  
"Don't be a baby, Jude."

He bit his lip, but smiled at her anyway.

"And when they ask what happened, what do I say?"  
"I'm guessing the truth is not an option?"

Jude shook his head.

"Nah, I'll just tell them that I can't break the first rule of Fight Club."

Lydia giggled, setting the ice back on his now-aching hand. She let out a sigh, one that seemed to come all the way up from her feet. Jude reached his other hand over, and she laid hers in it. His voice was easy.

"Hey. I love you."

Lydia smiled, looking up at him as tears filled her eyes.

"What am I supposed to do without you for a week?"

Yeah, his heart was just broken. And he hated his damn dad. He let out a sigh, gently gripping her hand tighter.

"Lyd, you'll be fine."

She shook her head.

"It's getting worse, Jude. I … I feel so bad. Right now, all I want to do is go upstairs and go to bed."  
"Did you talk to Quinn about it?"

She smiled sadly as she shook her head again.

"What am I supposed to say? That I think I'm depressed? What do I have to be depressed about?"  
"Honey, this just happens to some people."  
"I don't want to go to some doctor or something. Lay on some shrink's couch and divulge all the secrets from my childhood? Yeah, no thanks. I'll pass."

Jude sighed. He'd thought at first that she was just going through a little funk. Everyone had those times, right? But as time passed, she didn't shake it off. She didn't climb out of it this time. It was weighing her down, and beginning to weigh on her. He could see it in her eyes, those once bright, sparkling blue eyes she'd gotten from her father, now losing their sparkle. They were growing dull now, something that Jude hated. He'd talked to Brooke about it a little bit, but … She'd assured him that Lydia was fine, and he couldn't bring himself to tell her that it was an act she put on.

"I'll be fine. We can get through a week apart, Jude."  
"Maybe you can come with me."

Lydia gave him a smile, one he knew was forced because it didn't reach anywhere near her eyes.

"I think it's a family thing. And you'll be back before we know it, right?"

Jude sighed, giving her a smile that was just as faked.

"Right."

* * *

A week later, when Jude stepped off the plane, he swore to God and whoever else might be listening that he would never fly out to Los Angeles again. Saying this had been the week from hell would be a gross understatement. First off, on the way there, his phone had crapped out. And instead of going to get him a new one, like a good father would, Julian had imparted the ban on electronics on his kids. Apparently, Alex was pregnant—wow, what a shocker there—and being in L.A. had messed with their minds, because they actually believed that any electronic could pose a threat to the unborn child. Jude had seriously had to talk himself out of beating his head up against the wall at the stupidity that was abounding in the house, and couldn't even sneak his laptop out of the "hiding place" Alex had placed it in. By Wednesday, even Megan was begging to go home, but her reasoning was mainly due to the fact that all Alex would eat, therefore all anyone would eat, was organic crap that couldn't even be called food. Davis had managed to charm the housekeeper, because he was gifted like that, and he, Jude, and Meg survived on fast food burgers the staff snuck in late at night. By the time the plane touched down in Tree Hill, Jude had to physically restrain himself from running out the door and kissing the sweet, not-quite-as-crazy ground of North Carolina.

Jude carried the bags off the Clothes Over Bros jet, leaving Davis to carry a sleeping Megan. Jude was fairly sure Davis got the better end of that deal, because all the bags weighed at least twice what Meg did. They met Brooke on the runway, who had tears in her eyes as she hugged her boys, kissed Meg on the head. Davis walked on to the car, sliding Meg in, and Jude set the bags down with a sigh. Brooke ran a hand over his hair, resting on the back of his neck.

"Never again, Mom. I'll go to a freakin' judge if I have to, but I am not going back there."  
"Honey, he's your dad."  
"He's lost his mind. Davis can go for me. We look the same; they'll never miss me."

Brooke let out a sigh.

"Come on. Let's just go home."  
"I want to see Lydia."  
"Jude."  
"It's not that late. I haven't seen or talked to her in a week, because of that stupid woman. Come on, Mom. Please."

Brooke sighed again.

"Call Quinn, see if it's all right."  
"It's always all right."

Jude gathered the bags, loading them into the car, and got the okay from Quinn, who said she just knew Lydia would be ecstatic to see him. She'd been sick the last week, staying in bed most of the time.

Jude's heart fell. He knew better than that. He mentally urged Brooke to floor it, to get to the Scott house as quickly as she could, but she took her time, minding the speed limit. Jude bit his tongue until he tasted blood, and when Brooke pulled up to the house, Jude barely waited until the car came to a stop. He took off running, not really hearing Brooke saying she'd be back to pick him up in an hour. Jude walked in, saying a quick, polite hello to Clay and Quinn, who were cuddled up on the couch, watching some game. Quinn smiled, winking at him when she told him Lydia was in her room, and how much better she'd probably feel once she saw him. Jude took the stairs two at a time, ignoring Riley when she poked her head out of her room to see what the noise was. Jude got to the pink room, knocking gently, then pushing the door open. The room was dark, the lump in the bed covered all the way up. He sighed, shutting the door behind him, walking over and pulling the cover back. Lydia's dark hair was in her face, and he gently moved it back.

"Lyd. Hey, sweetheart. Wake up."  
"Jude?"

He smiled at her sleepy voice and kept running his fingers through her hair.

"Yeah, baby, it's me. I'm going to turn on the light, okay?"

She nodded, and he leaned over to switch her lamp on. She turned her face into the pillow for a second, then rolled over, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. Jude got to look at her for the first time in a week, and his heart absolutely bottomed out.

There was no way it had only been a week.

Lydia's skin was almost gray. Her eyes were dull, there were tangles in her dark hair, and she looked like she must have lost ten pounds. The t-shirt she was sleeping in seemed to swallow her. Jude swallowed hard, reaching out a shaking hand.

"Honey."

She looked up at the tone of his voice, blinking at him. The expression on his face was terrible, like he was in shock at seeing her. She pushed out of his grasp, walking over to the bathroom. He stood up on shaky legs, going to follow her. Lydia crossed her arms over her stomach, letting out a breath.

"You need to go."  
"Like hell. Lydia—"  
"Damn it, Jude."

She turned to face him, and a funny look crossed his face.

"What?"  
"Your nose is bleeding."

She lifted a hand, surprised when she looked down to see the bright red blood on it. She turned to lean over the sink, reaching to grab a tissue. Jude was leaning against the door, his hands in his pockets.

"Aren't you supposed to hold your head back?"

Lydia let out a laugh.

"No. That'll make the blood run down your throat. You lean over, let it go with gravity."

She tossed the bloody tissue into the trashcan, lifting another to her nose. Jude shook his head. She should be a doctor. He'd always thought that. She was so smart, and medical stuff seemed to come natural to her. Jude let out a sigh.

"You okay?"  
"It's just a nosebleed, Jude. I'm fine."

He snorted, and Lydia gripped the sink one-handed until she looked into the mirror at him.

"You got something to say, Baker, then say it."

Jude held his hands up.

"What the hell, Lyd? I come by to see you for the first time in a week, and you chew my ass out for no reason at all? What's going on with you?"

She just blinked at him.

"You know what's going on."  
"I know you sure as hell haven't talked to anyone."  
"How would you know? You weren't here."

Jude's arms dropped down by his sides, and he stepped in the bathroom.

"Is that what this is? You're mad because I left? I told you, I had no choice in the matter."

She shook her head, tossing another tissue into the trashcan, reaching for a new one.

"Not a call, a text, an e-mail. Jesus, Jude, you couldn't even drop a postcard?"  
"Lyd, if I could have called, I would have."  
"Davis called Sawyer."

Jude let out his breath.

"I didn't even think of—"  
"Don't bother with excuses, okay? I just …"

Lydia dropped the tissue into the trash, this one free of blood. She gripped the sink again, turning to face him.

"I needed you, but I guess you don't need me as much as you thought you did."  
"Lydia, come on."  
"Just go, Jude. Please."

She walked back, climbing into the bed, pulling the covers over her head. Jude hung his head, then walked over to the bed. He knelt beside it, pushing the covers back, and Lydia let out a breath.

"Damn, you're stubborn."  
"I'm Brooke Davis' son. Talk to me, Lyd. Please."

She gave him a small, sad smile and shook her head.

"I don't want to talk to you right now."  
"Damn it, Lydia. I was miserable for a week. All I could think about was you, and—"  
"You couldn't steal your brother's phone? Steal one of Julian's?"  
"Alex made us—"

Lydia let out a laugh.

"Don't blame this on Alex. I know all about her and her crazy, because, as I said, Davis called Sawyer, and she filled me in on everything."  
"I'm kicking his ass when I see him."  
"Why don't you go find him now?"

Lydia rolled over, leaving Jude hanging his head again. He shook his head, pushing the covers aside as he climbed on the bed, wrapping his arms around her.

"God_damn it,_ Jude."  
"Just shut up."

She rolled over, pushing at him, and he covered her mouth with his. She gave him another half-hearted push, then reached up, taking hold of his face and holding it to hers. He felt the tears sliding down her cheeks, but he just held her tighter, kissed her deeper. When he had to breathe, he pulled back just a bit, resting his forehead on hers. She let out a quiet laugh.

"I hate you. Right now, I hate you so much."  
"Okay."

She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. He rolled on his back, letting a hand drift up to cup the back of her head. She had her eyes closed, snuggled into his chest.

"Jude?"

Her voice was barely even a whisper. He opened his eyes, looking down, but she wouldn't look at him.

"What is it, baby?"

Lydia turned her face further into his chest, and he felt the tears soaking through his shirt. He let out a sigh, rolling his fingers through her hair, gently undoing the tangles. She spoke just as quiet as she had before.

"I did something."  
"What was it?"

She shook her head, and Jude's heart stuttered in his chest.

"Lydia, what did you do?"

She shook her head again, speaking just as softly.

"I won't do it again. I promise."  
"Honey, what did you do?"  
"Don't leave me anymore, okay?"

Jude tightened his grip on her, worry coursing through his veins.

"I won't. Lydia, I swear to God, I will not leave you again."


	11. Chapter 10

**I'd just like to reiterate what I said in the introductory section. This story is not going to be a happy, sunshine-and-rainbows kind of thing. It's going to be dark and sad, and this chapter, at least in my opinion, is where the downward spiral starts. If you have problems reading about self-harm or drug use, I would suggest you stop reading now.**

**Also, I personally have never dealt with either of those things. Anyone who has, my heart goes out to you, and I mean no disrespect. If it comes across that way, PLEASE let me know so I can do whatever I can to change it. These are serious situations that so many people suffer from, and the last thing I'd ever want to do would be to hurt. This is my take, again. It may not be 100% realistic, but that's just my imagination.**

* * *

_TEN_

Lydia was staring at herself in the mirror. She'd just gotten out of the shower, and her hair hung in dark ropes around her face. Her skin was a weird color, but that was supposed to be taken care of today. Prom was in a couple of weeks, and she needed to be tan. At least, that's what Sawyer kept saying. So Sawyer was coming over, and she and Lydia were going to lay out all day, since it was Sunday, and if they laid out a little every day until prom, they'd look perfect.

Sawyer would look perfect. It would take a lot more than a little sun to help Lydia.

Lydia shook her head, stepping away from the mirror and shutting the light off in the bathroom. She walked to her closet, letting out a long sigh as she walked over to where her bathing suits were. She looked at the mirror in the closet, the one that stretched nearly from the floor to the ceiling, and she sighed. She walked closer to it, opening her towel. Her hipbones were sticking out, and pretty soon, her ribs would be visible. Her collarbones were alarmingly prominent. Lydia let out a ragged breath, wrapping the towel back tighter around her, sinking to the floor and pulling her knees to her chest.

She had to stop doing this. Everything was okay. Jude was home, and he'd be stopping by, either after supper or once everyone was asleep. He'd started climbing up the tree to sneak into her room at night before he left to go see his dad, and Lydia figured it was only a matter of time before he started that up again.

She started rocking back and forth, realizing tears were coursing down her cheeks. She was _fine_. She had to stop. What's done is done, and there's no going back. She wouldn't want to go back anyway. That's what she kept telling herself, as she avoided the pictures of her parents, afraid of what she'd see if she looked at them. Instead of the smiles she'd seen all her life, she was afraid she'd be able to see their disappointment.

Lydia shook her head, wiping her eyes with her hands, letting out a sigh. She stood up, avoiding the mirror at all costs, slipping on a plain turquoise blue bikini, only because Sawyer wouldn't let her wear a one-piece. The tan lines were so much cuter in a bikini. Whatever. Lydia thought of drying her hair, but she didn't really see the point. She twisted her hair up into a knot on top of her head, sliding a big pair of sunglasses onto her face. She slid her feet into flip flops, throwing a yellow cover-up over her bikini. She picked up a towel on the way out of her room, stopping by her dresser, holding on with one hand.

God, she was making herself sick. It would be so much easier to just crawl back in bed, stay there all day instead of going with Sawyer, who she'd have to talk to, carry on a conversation with, all the damn day. Lydia pulled her phone off the charger, seeing the one missed call and voicemail.

"_Hey babe, it's Jude. I just wanted to say good morning. I know you're hanging with Sawyer today, but if you need an escape hatch, just shoot me a text. If not, I'll see you tonight. Probably late. Love you."_

She couldn't be mad at him. She tried, but she realized she'd been projecting her anger onto him, instead of where it should have been. It was her fault for being so stupid, not his. She would give anything for him to be there right then, holding her, telling her everything would be all right, blocking out the world, the way she felt, everything except him.

She heard a car horn and made her way down the stairs. Sawyer sat in Lucas' car, Ellie bouncing in the backseat, waving at Lydia. Lydia bit back a groan and made her way out to the car. Sawyer smiled, lifting her sunglasses to sit on top of her curly hair.

"Change of plans, Lyd! Davis got the keys to his dad's place, and we're all heading over there."  
"All?"

Sawyer grinned.

"Well, me, you, El. Quinn's dropping Riley by in a little bit. Davis, of course, and Jude. Logan might swing by later, Quinn said."

So much for that quiet day with Sawyer. Lydia pushed a smile on her face and climbed in the car. The drive was relatively short, and all three girls were quiet as Sawyer pulled into the driveway of the sprawling house. Julian had bought the house shortly after Brooke filed for divorce, from a woman who was once one of Brooke's close friends. Once the house was sold, Julian went to pick up the keys and ended up getting them, along with a hard slap across his face. Rachel Gatina had breezed into Clothes Over Bros on her way out of town, giving Brooke a hug and smiling gently at Lydia. That was the last time Rachel had been seen, and Brooke had recently wondered aloud if Rachel was even still alive.

"Damn, that's a big ol' house."

Ellie and Lydia just nodded in agreement with Sawyer's whispered statement. Davis stepped through the front door wearing his swim trunks and a short sleeve button-up, completely unbuttoned. He held his arms up, a wide smile on his face, sunglasses on his nose. Sawyer laughed as she put the car in park, climbing out to run over and kiss Davis. Ellie made a noise in the backseat, making Lydia laugh. They gathered their things and followed Davis and Sawyer inside.

"So Jude's on his way. Had to stop by the café and grab some food, 'cause we have none here."

Lydia kept the smile on her face, meeting Davis' eyes once, then looking to her bag. She missed Davis and Sawyer exchanging a glance, and followed them inside. They walked through the house, dropping their bags in one of the bedrooms and walking through the kitchen to the backyard. Davis and Sawyer held hands as they walked away from the porch, and Ellie went running, jumping into the pool with a massive splash. Sawyer laughed, then turned back, lifting a hand to her forehead, shielding her eyes from the sun.

"Lyd, you coming?"

Lydia was staring at the pool, at the sparkling water of the deep end. She watched as Ellie dove neatly under the water, swimming all the way down to the bottom before swimming back up, lifting her head from the water with a gasp. She couldn't quite take in a deep breath, her heartbeat was pounding in her ears, and all she could think about was her mother. Lydia let out a shaky breath, gasping in another as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and closed her eyes as she let out her breath. She reached up, taking hold of Jude's arms.

"Hey, babe. You okay?"

She nodded, grateful to be looking away from the pool. She looked at him, the way he was wearing a shirt the same way Davis was, unbuttoned all the way, showing off his muscular chest. She loosened her hold on Jude's arms, letting out a long breath.

"You just scared me, is all."  
"Yeah, okay. What is it really?"

Lydia smiled, moving to wrap her arms around Jude's neck. He put his arms around her, holding her close like he always did, and she kissed his cheek. She moved back, keeping hold of his hands, making herself smile.

"It's nothing. I'm glad you're here. Want to lay out with me?"

Jude smiled, nodding as she led him over to a chair. She lifted her cover-up off, making Jude work really hard not to swallow his tongue, and laid on her back on a lounge chair. Jude slid his shirt off his shoulders, lying beside her. She moved to rest her head on his shoulder, and Jude let out a sigh. Maybe this is what she'd been needing.

* * *

Sawyer let out a sigh, shifting a little in her chair. She had her eyes closed and, even though it wasn't all that hot outside, the sun felt glorious on her skin. She felt someone walk up to her, and a smile spread across her face when that someone bent and kissed her lips. Sawyer let out a giggle, opening her eyes and pushing her shades up into her hair. Davis gave her a smile, sitting down on the edge of her chair. Sawyer relaxed back with a smile.

"Hey, you."  
"Hey back. I was just coming to see if maybe you were thirsty."

Sawyer knew exactly what he was asking, and she gave him a smile.

"Nah. Ellie's here, plus I drove, remember?"

Davis nodded.

"Yeah, I know. Figured it couldn't hurt to ask though."

Sawyer sat up, leaning over to kiss him again. She relaxed back in the chair, pulling her shades back over her eyes, watching Davis as he looked towards the house. Sawyer reached out her hand, touching his arm.

"Hey. You okay?"

Davis gave her a small smile.

"Yeah, it's … I'm fine."

Sawyer sat up again, continuing to run her fingers up and down his arm.

"What's on your mind, Baker?"

Davis let out a sigh.

"I'm worried about Lydia."  
"Lydia?"

Sawyer looked over towards the house, where Jude and Lydia had gone a few minutes earlier. She glanced over to the pool, where Ellie and Riley were doing handstands, paying absolutely no attention to the world around them. Sawyer looked back to Davis, pushing her shades up into her hair again.

"What do you mean?"

Davis sighed again, moving to lie back on the chair. Sawyer moved to lie beside him, and Davis looped an arm around her.

"Has she seemed all right to you lately?"

Sawyer moved her shades back over her eyes, looking up at the clouds as she thought about her answer.

"Well… I mean, she has seemed a little different."  
"Like how?"  
"I don't know… Distant, maybe?"

She sat up, looking towards the house again.

"Now that you mention it, she had seemed like something was a little off."

Davis nodded.

"I know. She's been, like, clinging to Jude. I know they've always been close, and they've practically been together for freakin' ever, but … something's changed. I thought maybe they were doing it, but I'm pretty sure Jude would tell me. And Lydia's not that kind of girl, so…"

Sawyer nodded, but the things Davis had said were swirling through her mind. She and Lydia had always been extremely close. They were cousins as well as best friends, but lately, now that Davis had brought it up… They had kind of drifted apart. Sawyer had noticed that, but she'd chalked it up to the fact that since she and Davis had started dating, she'd been slacking off spending time with Lydia. Now, though, she wasn't so sure.

Jude and Lydia came walking back outside, and Sawyer took her sunglasses completely off to really take a good look at her friend. Lydia had always been skinny, but now… She seemed almost too thin. Her hipbones were sticking out, as were her collarbones, and her skin was too pale. Lydia tanned easily, and kept the glow for a while, but in the winter months, the tan would fade, leaving Lydia's skin a beautiful porcelain. Right now, though, her skin was a sickly pale, nearly gray.

"Jesus."

Sawyer let out a ragged breath, pulling her knees up. Davis sat up beside her, moving closer to her.

"What is it, babe?"  
"Lydia. She … she looks awful, Davis."

Davis looked over to the pool, where Jude was waist-deep in the water, holding out his hands, helping Lydia walk down the ladder. He let out a long sigh.

"I know, babe."

Davis leaned in, pressing a kiss to Sawyer's temple.

"I know."

* * *

Lydia was floating on her back, eyes closed, ears below the water line. She was alone in the pool, and she was okay with that. Davis and Sawyer had gone inside to get some food, Ellie and Riley tagging along behind them, and Jude had followed, after his stomach growled and Lydia insisted he go get some food. Her mind was racing, the way it had been since they arrived at the house, and she had hoped that some time in the pool would help. It hadn't, though. It had actually made it worse.

All she could think about was her mother.

Ever since Quinn had told her about Haley's death, thoughts about her mother dominated Lydia's thoughts. The biggest question she held was why? Why did Haley do what she did? Why did she think everyone would be all right without her? Why didn't she love Lydia enough to stay? That question seemed burned into her brain, and it brought tears to Lydia's eyes every time she thought it.

But there was another question that Lydia couldn't help but think about.

How?

How did it feel? Haley took a ton of medication, so it must have dulled whatever pain she must have felt. If she'd felt any at all. If she had been feeling the way Lydia felt… Well, Lydia could really understand, if she would tell the truth.

She stood up, shaking her head, getting some of the water out of her ears. She smoothed her hair down, looking over at the sparkling water of the deep end. She let her hands drift down, running them back over the surface of the water. She didn't really realize that she was walking, until the bottom of the pool had run out and she was floating. She swam to the side of the pool, taking hold of it as she moved around, sitting on the ledge. She closed her eyes, letting her breath out in short pants.

She needed to know what it felt like. She needed to know how her mother felt in those last few moments of her life. Lydia looked up, letting her eyes close again as she pushed off from the ledge, letting her body drift under the water.

* * *

Jude set his drink down, rolling out his shoulders as he glanced outside. Lydia was standing up, running her fingers through the water. He was heading back out there in just a minute. He'd wanted to give Lydia a moment by herself, because she looked so grateful when he'd followed the crowd inside.

He was so worried about her. She seemed better today, smiling at him, holding his hand all on her own. She wasn't clinging to him the way she had been, not that he'd have any problems with that. Jude smiled as he shook his head, watching Ellie and Riley bound up the stairs. Sawyer and Davis had disappeared a while back, and Jude didn't really want to think about what they could be doing. He took another sip of his drink, which he had not let Davis fix. He'd driven to the house earlier, and would have to drive himself and Davis home later. He looked back to the window, glancing around before dropping his cup into the sink.

"Lydia!"

He took off at a full-out sprint, diving into the pool, down to the bottom, where he grabbed hold of Lydia, pulling her back up with him. He broke the surface with a gasp, pushing Lydia up onto the side of the pool, lifting himself out as she coughed and spit water.

"What the hell were you doing? Shit, Lydia, you scared the hell out of me! What were you thinking?!"

She kept coughing, leaning to lie down and curl up on her side. Hot tears slid down her face, and Jude was shaking beside her. He moved to grab her, pulling her back up in a sitting position. She coughed and shook her head, and Jude shook her just a bit.

"Talk to me, damn it. What were you doing?"

Lydia took in a ragged breath, leaning away from him to spit more water out of her mouth. Her voice was raw when she spoke to him, barely in a whisper.

"I wanted to know what she felt like."  
"What who felt like?"

Lydia brought her eyes, those beautiful navy blues, up to meet Jude's.

"My mom."

Jude stared at her for a moment, then let his eyes close, hanging his head as he realized. Lydia's mother had drowned in a pool, and she'd just recently found that out. This was the first time Lydia had been in a pool since Quinn told her about Haley. Jude looked over, and Lydia was staring at the deep end, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Fuck. Lyd, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize…"

Lydia shook her head, and Jude moved over, running his hand through his hair before putting an arm around her. She leaned into him, breathing hard.

"I'm sorry."  
"You scared the hell out of me, Lyd. Don't—don't do that again."

She nodded, but she couldn't take her eyes away from the pool, from the bottom of the deep end.

* * *

Late that afternoon, tired and sunburned, Sawyer and Ellie walked into their house. Ellie went straight for the shower, but Sawyer walked to the kitchen. Peyton turned back from the stove, a big smile on her face.

"Hey, beautiful."  
"Hey, Mama."

Peyton watched her oldest daughter as Sawyer took a seat on one of the barstools. Her face was red, her blonde curls crazy around her head. There was something off, though, and Peyton noticed. She cut the temperature of the oven down, moving over to stand by where Sawyer was sitting.

"Hey."

Sawyer looked up, and Peyton smiled.

"What's on your mind, kid?"

Sawyer smiled, looking back down at her hands. She took in a deep breath, then looked up.

"I'm worried about Lydia, Mom."

Peyton blinked. That was not what she was expecting Sawyer to say.

"What do you mean, honey?"

Sawyer let out her breath.

"I don't know. Davis pointed it out earlier. She doesn't look good, Mama, and she hasn't been acting the way she used to. At first I thought it was just that we haven't hung out in a while. Since I started dating Davis, you know? But … I don't know. Something's up."

Peyton walked around, taking the seat beside Sawyer.

"What do you mean by 'something's up'? Do you think she's doing something?"

Sawyer let out a breath, looking at her hands as she twisted her fingers around.

"I don't know. She seems kind of sad. Like every time she smiles, it's forced. Her eyes don't light up the way they used to."

Peyton wasn't going to say anything, but she had noticed that very thing.

"And whenever Jude's around. Mama, she clings to him. Like, I know when Davis and I are together, I want to be around him. I like holding his hand, and when he puts his arm around my shoulders. But Jude and Lydia… It's like he's trying to completely wrap her up. Like she's trying to burrow into him or something."

Sawyer sighed, and Peyton finally reached over, taking one of her hands.

"Honey, if you're this worried about her, you need to talk to her. Sit down with her and make her talk to you. Let her know how worried you are about her, that because she's your best friend, you don't want her to go through whatever it is alone."

Sawyer nodded.

"I can call Quinn, if you want."

Sawyer quickly shook her head.

"No, don't do that. I—I'll talk to Lydia."

Peyton nodded, reaching over to push a curl behind Sawyer's ear.

"You know I'm here if you ever need anything, right?"

Sawyer smiled for the first time that night.

"I know, Mama. Thank you. I love you."

Sawyer leaned over to wrap Peyton in a hug, and Peyton held a hand to the back of Sawyer's head. She thanked God every single night for both of her daughters, and for letting her experience their lives. Sawyer pulled back, smiling when Peyton kissed her cheek, then turned to go to the shower. She bumped into Lucas at the kitchen door, giggling at him, then going up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Lucas walked over to Peyton, standing behind her, kissing her cheek and wrapping his arms around her. Peyton laughed quietly.

"What are you doing?"  
"Coming to see my beautiful wife. I've stared at that damn computer screen much too long."

Peyton laughed again, turning around to wrap her arms around his neck. Lucas let his hands drift down, resting low on her waist. She moved up to press her lips to his, and Lucas had a smile on his face as she pulled away. Peyton turned back to the stove, and Lucas leaned up against the counter.

"Your daughter is worried about her cousin."

Lucas didn't say anything, and Peyton turned to look at him.

"She's got an ass-load of cousins, Peyt."

Peyton laughed.

"Lydia. Sawyer's worried about Lydia."  
"Why?"

Peyton shrugged her shoulders.

"She said Lydia hasn't been acting the way she used to. I told her that if it's bothering her this much, she needs to talk to Lyd and hash it out."

Lucas nodded, and Peyton turned to face him, leaning up against her side of the counter.

"I'm kind of worried about her, too."

Lucas blew his breath out.

"Damn it, I was hoping you wouldn't say that."  
"You too?"

He nodded.

"Luke…"  
"I know. I just …"

Peyton walked over to him, laying a hand against his cheek, and he closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch.

"She's not Haley, Luke."

He nodded, letting out his breath.

"I know she's not. But Peyt… She looks just like her, you know? She sounds like her. Sometimes she'll say something, and I have to stop, because I could swear it was Haley. What if … What if Lydia's more like Haley than we think?"  
"Stop."

Lucas sighed as Peyton lifted both her hands to his face. They just stared at each other for a minute, then Peyton wrapped her arms around her husband. She ran her hand through the hair on the back of his head, just above his neck. Lucas nodded, pulling back to kiss Peyton's forehead as Ellie came back in the room.

"Mama, I'm starving. And I'm hot."

Lucas laughed as Peyton turned to look at their youngest daughter.

"That might be due to the sunburn on your pretty face."

Ellie scrunched up her nose.

"Ow."

Lucas laughed again, and Peyton smiled up at him.

"There's some aloe vera in the fridge. Help her, Daddy."  
"Yeah, help me, Daddy."

Lucas shook his head, grabbing the gel out of the refrigerator, walking over to spread it on Ellie's face.

"Daddy, can you rub that on my shoulders, too?"

Lucas smiled, shaking his head again, motioning for Sawyer to come and sit beside her sister.

"Let's have a little talk about sunscreen, shall we, girls?"

Ellie and Sawyer shared a groan as they pillowed their heads on their arms on the counter, while Peyton laughed from her place by the stove.

* * *

Lydia let out a harsh breath, moving to grip the sides of the bathtub. She dropped the razor off the side of the tub, looking down at her calf, seeing the blood from the cut she'd just made tint the water around her leg. She was breathing kind of hard, mad at herself for how she'd gotten caught up in the moment and the feelings, cutting her legs up more than she'd intended. She leaned back in the water, fighting the urge to drift under again. Jude wouldn't be here to pull her out this time.

Lydia reached and pulled the plug on the drain, curling into a ball as the water drained from the tub. She climbed out, grabbing a towel and drying off, hissing when the towel dragged over the tender flesh of her legs. She wrapped the towel around her, walking to the mirror, bringing her eyes up after pausing for just a moment.

She shut her eyes, squeezing them closed. She hated what she saw in the mirror. There was nothing beautiful about her, nothing not even remotely pretty. There was nothing good, nothing interesting. Nothing lovable.

That was why her mother had killed herself.

Well, one of the reasons. Haley must have been able to sense all the things Lydia felt about herself. It had to be part of the reason why Jamie never came home. Lydia backed away from the mirror, shutting off the lights as she did. She let out a breath, walking over to her dresser. She slipped her pajamas on, then sat on the edge of her bed, squeezing her eyes shut.

She couldn't. She promised Jude she wouldn't do it again. No matter how bad it hurt, no matter how bad she felt, she had promised. But the last time … It had felt good. She was able to stop thinking about what a horrible person she was, how badly she felt. She was able to relax, even though she had stayed up all night long.

She shouldn't. But it was like a siren song, calling to her. She tried to ignore it, but she just couldn't. She berated herself the entire time, as she stood up, locking her bedroom door, walking over and locking her window. She walked to the dresser, pushed her panties aside and pulled the things out of her drawer. She set the mirror on top of her dresser, in the space where the picture of her mother used to sit. Lydia held the tiny bag up, letting it rest in her hand. She sighed, moving to put the powder in lines, the way she'd been showed. She took the rolled-up five dollar bill, rolling it between her fingers. She closed her eyes, shaking her hair back from her face.

* * *

When she was done, Lydia stood up straight, gently wiping a finger under her nose. She ignored meeting her eyes in the mirror, calmly moving to hide everything once again. She tried not to think about Jude and how disappointed he'd be, because she knew that in just a few minutes, she wouldn't be thinking about much of anything. She moved to lay on her bed, resting against the pillows, sighing when the good feeling finally washed over her.


	12. Chapter 11

_ELEVEN_

Davis walked into his mother's store, hands in his pockets as the bell above the door jingled behind him.

"I'll be with you in just a second!"

Davis smiled, slipping his shades off and hooking them in the front pocket of his shirt.

"What kind of a business makes their customers wait?"

He heard Brooke's intake of breath, then smiled as she stepped around the counter, hands on her hips.

"Davis Baker…"  
"Hey, Mom."

She laughed, then walked over, wrapping him in a hug.

"You were gone before we got up this morning."  
"Crisis at the café. I didn't want to wake you guys before the sun was up, and I knew you and Jude would take care of Meg."

He nodded, following her as she walked back behind the counter. Brooke was studying sketches, and Davis peered over her shoulder.

"Mom, that's crap. But that one… That one looks cool."

Brooke shook her head with a smile.

"I was thinking that, too."

Davis nodded, then let out a sigh. Brooke set the sketches aside, leaning up against the counter and crossing her arms.

"What's on your mind, baby?"

Davis let out a quiet laugh.

"That obvious, huh?"  
"Well, for someone who knows you as well as I do… Yeah."

He sighed again, turning to look out the window.

"I'm worried about Lydia, Mom. I think something's seriously wrong."

Brooke stood up straight, dropping her arms by her side. This was different. Jude was the one who worried about Lydia. Davis and Lydia were friends, of course, but their relationship was nothing like the one between Jude and Lydia.

"What do you mean, honey?"

Davis sighed, putting his hands back in his pockets, continuing to look out the window.

"She's not acting the way she used to. She's … I don't know, she seems sad. Kind of like she might be depressed. I know Jude's been taking care of her, but … Mom, I'm afraid Lydia might need some serious help."  
"Okay, okay. Hey."

Brooke laid a hand on his shoulder, turning Davis to face her.

"Come sit down and tell me everything."

* * *

Jude shut his notebook and rubbed his eyes. God, he hated chemistry. Who needed to know this crap? He tilted his head, feeling his neck pop and letting out a breath when it did. He heard the front door open and close, and he opened his eyes in time to see his mother walk in, set her purse on the counter, and hold onto it while she took a deep breath.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

Brooke looked over to him, letting out her breath.

"We need to talk. Right now."  
"I was actually going to go see Lydia. I just finished my homework—"  
"Jude, sit down."

He did, and Brooke let out another breath.

"Honey, what's going on?"

Jude just looked at her, and Brooke sighed.

"With Lydia. Is she okay?"  
"She's fine, Mom. What are … Why?"

Brooke looked down, then pulled out the chair across from Jude, sitting down.

"Shoot straight with me. What's going on with Lydia?"

Jude looked down at the table, speaking softly.

"Davis talked to you, didn't he?"

Brooke pursed her lips, but didn't answer his question. Jude blew his breath out anyway.

"Damn it, I told him not to."  
"Jude, watch your mouth."  
"She's fine, okay? Well… Okay, she's not exactly 100%, but she's okay. I'm … I've got her, and she'll be fine."  
"Honey, slow down. Talk to me."

Brooke reached across the table, taking one of Jude's hands in hers. He hung his head, letting out a breath. Tears came to Brooke's eyes. How could she not have seen this sooner, before her little boy had taken the weight of this on his shoulders?

"Sweetheart. Jude, please."

He looked up at her, his dark eyes filled with tears.

"I can't, Mom. I promised her that whatever she told me would stay between us. I can't … I can't lose her trust. Not when she needs me this much."  
"Jude."

He'd looked away, and Brooke squeezed his hand until he looked at her.

"Honey, you are sixteen years old. Lydia is sixteen years old. You don't have to take care of her."  
"I do, Mom. You don't … You don't understand."  
"Jude."  
"No, you …"

He stood up, moving to pace behind his chair. Brooke watched him, until he finally grabbed the back of the chair and looked at her, a smile on his face, completely devoid of humor.

"When I was four years old, I knew that Lydia Scott was the one for me. I knew I would grow up and marry her, and I told you as much. You laughed at me, patted me on the head. But I meant it, Mom. And now, twelve years later, I am in love with her. Not the stupid little puppy love teenagers have. I am seriously, head over heels in love with her."

Brooke tried to keep her face calm, and in her heart, she already knew everything he was saying. He started pacing again, and Brooke watched him.

"I love her so much and she's … She's …"

Jude stopped, gripping the back of the chair he'd been sitting in.

"She needs help and I can't help her."

Brooke stood up, walking around to Jude, who bent over, still holding onto the chair.

"Honey, honey. Hey."

Brooke helped him sit down, and she ran her hands over his face until he'd calmed down. His breathing went from near-hyperventilating to much more calm, and Brooke pressed her lips to his forehead.

"Let's go."

* * *

Quinn walked into the kitchen, running her fingers through her hair. Jesus, she hated high school math. Unfortunately, her daughter was following in her mother's steps in that aspect. Riley was finishing up her algebra homework, and Quinn just couldn't stand to look at the book for one more minute. She stood in front of the refrigerator, debating on whether she felt like cooking or not, when a knock sounded at the door.

Quinn shot a confused look at the clock, then met Riley in the hallway.

"Hey, homework!"  
"Someone's at the door!"

Quinn just sighed, shaking her head as Riley used any excuse she could to get out of doing the rest of the homework. Quinn started to go back to the kitchen, then changed her mind, standing there as Riley opened the door.

"Aunt Brooke!"

Quinn smiled as Brooke hugged Riley, while Jude ruffled her hair. Brooke walked over to Quinn, and Jude hung back, his hands in his pockets. Usually, he ran right up to Lydia's room. Or he climbed in her window when they thought everyone was asleep, but that was a different story. Brooke caught Quinn's look, and she sighed.

"Hey, Riles. Why don't you—"  
"Get lost so you can talk to my mom?"

Brooke smiled.

"Clear out, kid. Grown-up stuff."

Riley rolled her eyes, but gathered her books and tromped up the stairs. When she was gone, Quinn turned to Brooke.

"Okay. What's going on?"

Brooke let out a sigh, glancing back at Jude, who was staring at the floor. She put a smile on her face.

"Honey."

Jude turned to look at her.

"Go on upstairs."

He nodded, and walked away. Brooke turned to Quinn.

"Brooke, what's going on? You're freaking me out."  
"I know, and I'm sorry. But we, uh … We need to talk."

* * *

Julian slowly made his way up the stairs, laying a hand on Lydia's closed door. He let out a sigh, then quietly knocked. He didn't hear an answer, so he gently pushed open the door.

"Lydia?"

Still no answer. Jude stepped inside, seeing Lydia huddled under the covers on her bed, a peaceful look on her face as she slept. Jude knelt next to the bed, running a hand over his face before standing up. He walked to the door, stopping as Lydia let out a sigh, rolling onto her side.

Jude sighed again, stepping out of his shoes, walking to the bed, pulling back the covers and climbing in behind Lydia. He put his arm around her, moving in close to her, and she murmured as she blinked her eyes open.

"Jude?"  
"Hey, sweetheart."  
"Jude."

She rolled over, moving closer to him as he wrapped his arms around her, running his fingers through her hair as she put her face in his neck.

"You're warm."

Jude smiled, running his fingers through Lydia's hair.

"And you're soft."

Lydia smiled, burrowing closer to him. She moved up, and Jude closed his eyes as her mouth latched onto his. Jude kissed her, moving his hands up to clench in her hair as she moved over him, and he rolled onto his back. Lydia felt it the moment it happened, when the kisses changed. She could almost taste the desperation, felt it in the way Jude's hands tightened almost painfully in her hair, holding her close to him.

"Jude. Jude, stop."

He let go of her immediately, before the word was even fully out of her mouth. Lydia sat up, still straddling him, pushing her hair out of her eyes. She looked down at him, saw him clenching his eyes shut. She reached a hand and touched his cheek.

"What is it? Honey, what?"

He smiled at the endearment, opening sad eyes to look at her.

"I'm sorry."  
"Sorry for what?"  
"I'm just so … so sorry."  
"Jude, what are you talking about?"

He sighed, moving to run his hands through his hair. Lydia moved off of him, and he hated the feeling that shot through him at the loss. He opened his eyes to see her head on the pillow beside him, watching him, and she moved to lay a hand on his chest. He let out a sigh, speaking softly.

"Davis talked to Mom."

Lydia nodded, silently telling him to go on, and Jude sighed.

"About you."  
"Me?"

Jude nodded, and Lydia felt her heart speed up a bit.

"What … what did they talk about?"

Jude sighed again, moving on his side to lay a hand on her hip.

"He's worried about you."

Lydia closed her eyes, and Jude went on.

"Mom came home and confronted me about it, and—"  
"You didn't tell her anything, did you?"

Jude shut his eyes and Lydia let out a ragged breath.

"Jude, you promised!"  
"I didn't tell her everything. Just that … That I was worried about you, too. That I thought you might need some help or something."  
"Damn it, Jude."

Lydia rolled onto her back, unable to stop the hot tears from leaking from her eyes. Jude rolled over, taken aback when he saw the tears, and the way Lydia seemed completely unaffected by them.

"I told you things that no one else was supposed to know."  
"And I didn't tell those things. God, Lydia, don't you trust me? Have a little faith in me. Jesus."

She sighed, pushing her hands through her hair.

"I told you I don't want to go to some shrink."  
"Honey, I think you might need to."  
"Well, what do you know?"

Jude hung his head at that, letting out a breath.

"I know you. And I know you're not the same girl you used to be."  
"You got that right."

Lydia pushed the covers off, climbing out of bed, wincing at the sting of the cuts on her legs.

"Lydia, what the hell?!"

Jude was out of the bed in a flash, walking over and grabbing her, holding her still, kneeling down to gently touch a cut on the back of her leg. She sucked in a breath as his fingers trailed ever-so-lightly over one.

"Lydia, what is this?"  
"I cut myself shaving."  
"Don't give me that bullshit."

He stood up, laying his hands on her shoulders and turning her around to face him.

"Did … did you do that to yourself? Did you cut your legs like that?"

She started to say no, to feed some lie to pacify him, but in that moment, she felt so tired. She looked up into his eyes, speaking so softly he almost didn't hear her.

"You don't know what it's like. You don't know how it feels, how I feel."  
"Honey, why—"  
"I told you, you don't understand."  
"I would if you would just talk to me."

She shook her head, moving close to him, laying her forehead against his chest. Jude wrapped his arms around her, biting his lip, trying to keep from crying. He tightened his hold on her as her arms came around him, her fingers digging into his back. They heard Quinn calling up the stairs, asking Lydia to come down. Jude let out a sigh.

"Mom here, and she's been talking to Quinn."

Lydia seemed to deflate in his arms, but Jude kept holding her.

"Listen to me."

She moved back and he took her face in his hands.

"No matter what happens, what they say or what anyone says, I love you. I love you more than you will ever know, and I'm here for you. You are not alone. Nothing you could ever do would make those feelings change."

Lydia smiled a sad smile as she took her eyes from his, looking down to the floor.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that, if I were you."

Jude let his hands fall from her face, confusion and anger swirling in his chest, and Lydia walked to her dresser. Her fingers lingered on the top drawer, before moving down to the third. She took out a pair of sweatpants, pulling them on over her sleep shorts, hiding the cuts on her legs. Jude sighed, but Lydia reached out a hand. He took it, and together, they walked down the stairs.


	13. Chapter 12

**I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated. As I said, this story is kind of hard to write, so... Especially this chapter. Things are starting to roll downhill, folks. And it's a long way down.**

* * *

_TWELVE_

Lydia stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

"I don't want to do this. Jude, please."

She turned and put her face in his chest, and Jude sighed as he wrapped his arms around her.

"It's going to be okay, babe."

She shook her head, was trembling in his arms, and Jude squeezed his eyes shut.

"They just want to help, Lyd. Everyone loves you and just wants to help you."  
"Don't make me do this, Jude, please."

Jude sighed again, looking up and seeing Riley standing in front of them. Riley looked down at the floor, sliding her foot back and forth as she spoke.

"Mom's wondering where you are. They're waiting in the living room."

Lydia pulled back from Jude, glancing over to Riley, who made her way up the stairs. Lydia looked back at Jude, and he reached out to take her hand. He moved his other hand to the back of her head, pulling her in gently and kissing her forehead.

"I'm right here, Lyd. Not going anywhere, okay?"

She nodded, letting out a deep breath, and they walked into the living room. Lydia stopped, making Jude bump into her, and he spoke quietly, where only Lydia could hear.

"Damn it."

Brooke and Quinn stood up from their spots on the couch, while Lucas got to his feet from his place on the chair. Lydia turned to Jude, hurt flashing in her eyes. Jude shook his head.

"I didn't know he was here. I thought … I thought it was just my mom and Quinn."  
"Honey, why don't you come sit down?"

Lydia looked back at Brooke and shook her head.

"I don't want to."  
"Lydia, please."

She looked over to Lucas and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. Lucas took a deep breath, smiling at her.

"We just want to talk, sweetheart."

Lydia let out a ragged breath, looking down, until Jude came up behind her. He laced his fingers with hers and she looked up at him, navy blue eyes locking on his. He gave her a smile and nodded, and they walked over to sit on the loveseat beside Quinn and Brooke, across from Lucas. Jude sat first, and Lydia sat as close to him as she could. He set his arm on the back of the couch, and Brooke and Quinn exchanged a glance. Lydia focused on a book underneath the coffee table, her parents' old wedding album. The book held pictures from both of their weddings, because they'd had two. Her mother had been pregnant with Jamie at the second one. Brooke and Peyton had told her all about the weddings when she was little, and Quinn had filled in details they'd missed, about her own parents, the Lydia she'd been named after.

"Lydia?"

She looked up at Lucas' gentle tone, saw his smile.

"How are you?"

She smiled, fighting to keep from laughing out loud.

"I'm fine."

Lucas nodded, and Brooke spoke.

"Are you sure, sweetie?"

Lydia looked over, nodding.

"Why wouldn't I be?"  
"We just … we're worried about you, honey."  
"Well, you're wasting your time. I'm fine."  
"Lydia."

She looked back down, back at the book, hating it all of a sudden. She felt Jude's hand on her shoulder, closing her eyes as Quinn sighed. Quinn spoke quietly, leaning up to rest her arms on her knees.

"You're not fine. I think the fact that all three of us are here proves that. And we're here because our kids have been the ones to bring to our attention that you're not okay."

Lydia felt her breathing speed up. All of a sudden, she felt so angry, and she couldn't even say why. She shrugged Jude's arm off, curling more in on herself. Brooke noticed, leaning over.

"Honey, we—"  
"Just stop. I—I'm fine, okay? You don't need to worry about me. There are more important things to worry about."

Lydia stood up, and Lucas did the same.

"Lyd, just calm down, okay? We just want to talk."  
"No, you don't! If you did, we'd be talking instead of you guys pushing me to say what's wrong when I've told you that I'm fine. You've got in it your heads that something's wrong with me, and that's it."  
"Lydia, we just want to help you."

Lydia looked over to Brooke, not even noticing the tears welling up in her own eyes. But Brooke noticed, and it broke her heart.

"You know what would help me? Just … just leave me alone."

Lydia walked out of the room, past Lucas, who reached out for her, and Brooke sighed.

"Let her go. We … we shouldn't have bombarded her like this."

Brooke looked over to Jude and sighed.

"Go make sure she's okay."

He nodded, standing up and walking out to the kitchen, where he gripped the counter. He listened to his mother, while she let out another sigh.

"Well, if that wasn't proof, I don't know what else could be."  
"I just … I never expected our sweet little Lydia to act like that."

Lucas sounded shocked, and Jude could almost see him shaking his head. Quinn's voice was quiet and watery, and Jude was sure she was crying.

"She's lashing out at us. I just …"  
"Quinn, hey. She is not Haley."

Jude let out a choked breath, going to the stairs and walking to Lydia's room. He twisted the knob, surprised to find it locked.

"Lyd. Hey, it's me. Open up."

He could hear her moving around, and he let out a sigh as he put both hands on the door frame.

"Lydia, I can hear you in there. Open the door."  
"Can you give me just a second? God."

Jude let out another breath, shaking his head.

"You don't have to be mad at me, you know. I didn't do anything."

The door opened, and Jude was faced with five feet, almost three inches of furious Lydia.

"Of course. You didn't do anything. You never do anything; that's the problem."  
"Whoa, what?"

Jude stepped inside the room, closing the door behind him. Lydia shook her head, pacing the room while Jude crossed his arms over his chest.

"I never do anything?"  
"You could have brushed Brooke off. You didn't have to tell her anything. Instead, you spill your freaking guts, and the next thing I know, there's a damn intervention in my living room."  
"And didn't it go well?"

She stopped, looking over at him.

"Fuck you."  
"Hey!"

Her cheeks went red, and she turned away from him as he walked closer to her.

"You don't ever speak to me like that. What the hell's going on?"  
"Nothing. Just drop it."  
"Lydia—"  
"For God's sake, Jude!"

She turned to face him, a smile on her face, gripping at his heart.

"Can't you just let it be? How hard is that? I ask you to do something and you do it. You always have. Why now do you decide to fight me on it?"  
"Because I'm scared to death that something's wrong with you that I can't fix."

She stopped, letting her hands fall by her sides as he ran his hands through his hair. He hadn't wanted to say that. He'd never wanted to tell her that. He just couldn't keep it in anymore. He looked up, meeting her eyes.

"I shouldn't have said that. But it's true, okay? I am so in love with you, and I need you, and to have you act the way you're acting… I'm scared, Lyd. And I'm not afraid to tell you anymore. You can put on a show for everyone, all right? Act the way you did to my mom and Quinn and Lucas and every other person in Tree fucking Hill, but you can't fool me. I know you, and I love you, and I am right here. I have been right here, and I'm not planning on going anywhere."

He'd been walking to her, and he reached out, taking her cool hands in his.

"I've told you before, you don't have to put on a show for me. You don't have to act. I can see you, the real you, and that's the girl I fell in love with."  
"You can't fall in love with someone you've just always known."  
"Is that why you've never said it back to me?"

She stopped, looking down at his chest instead of his eyes. He smiled, bringing her hands up.

"Did you think I hadn't noticed?"

She closed her eyes, and Jude let go of one of her hands to run his fingers through her gorgeous hair.

"It's okay, Lyd. I know you'll say it back when you can. I'm not afraid to wait."

She shook her head, speaking so softly.

"You shouldn't have to wait."

She looked up at him, tears swimming in her navy blue eyes.

"You deserve so much better than me, Jude. You deserve someone who will say it back, someone who's not damaged and ugly and—"  
"Stop."

He bent to press his lips to hers, shutting her up the best way he knew. He pulled back, resting his forehead on hers.

"There is no one better than you. You are beautiful and kind. You're smart and sexy. I love you, all of you, even what you think are the ugly parts. Everyone's damaged, Lyd. Some just hide it better than others."

She sighed, taking her hand from him and looping it around his neck. He wrapped his hands around her waist and she let out a breath against his cheek.

"I need you to promise me a few things."

She nodded against him.

"Stop hurting yourself. I don't know why your legs look the way they do, but I need you to not do that anymore."

She let out another breath, then nodded.

"You've got to start eating. You're too skinny, and this?"

He ran his fingers over her hipbones and shook his head.

"This isn't okay, Lyd."  
"Okay."

She sighed against him, and he pulled her closer.

"I just … I don't know if I can stop pretending to everyone."  
"Then don't. If it gets to be too much, stop. Otherwise, be the Lydia everyone loves and take the rest out on me. I'm tough. I can take it."

She glanced at her dresser over his shoulder, sniffing when she did. It was on the tip of her tongue, to tell him what was in her top drawer and get it all out in the open. But she could feel it start to kick in, and she shut her eyes, leaning into him more. He ran his hands up and down her back, smiling.

"So we have a deal?"

She smiled as he pulled away from her, keeping her hands in his. She looked up into his eyes and smiled.

"Yeah."

He leaned to kiss her again, and she raised her hands to his face. The kiss deepened after a second, and Lydia let out a quiet moan. Jude pulled back after a second, breathing hard.

"Easy, babe. Take it easy."  
"I don't want to."

She pushed him gently, until he sat down on her bed. She sat in his lap, facing him, taking his face in her hands as she kissed him again. He set his hands on her hips, meaning to stop her, but her tongue touched his, and he couldn't help the moan that left his lips. He moved his hands up into her hair, and she reached down, pushing his shirt up.

"Lyd, we—"  
"Shh."

She cut him off by kissing him again as she pulled the shirt off, dropping it to the floor behind her. She moved to kiss his neck and he groaned again, especially when she rolled her hips against his. He grabbed her face, bringing her lips back to his, letting his hands drift back down to her hips. He moved from her mouth, down to her neck, and she bit her lip as she groaned. She gasped when she felt his warm hands under her shirt, pressing against her bare back.

"Oh God, Jude."

He smiled, moving his hands up to where they rested against the bottom of her ribcage. He moved back, looking in her eyes, and she was breathing hard as she nodded. He moved his hands up some more, until they both let out a moan as he cupped her breasts in his warm hands. Lydia laced her hands through his hair, tugging as she bit her lip again. Jude moved his hands to grip her hips again, picking her up and moving them both until she was lying on the bed, and he was leaning down to kiss her. He was gently pushing her shirt up, lips locked on hers, when they both froze.

"Jude? Honey, we need to get going."

They were both breathing hard, and Lydia reached up to push a hand through her hair. Jude bent to rest his head against her shoulder before he moved to kiss her cheek, and she let out a sigh. He stood up and walked to Lydia's bathroom, where he splashed cold water on his face. He looked over at the tub as he dried his face off, his shoulders falling when he saw the bloody razor blade on the floor beside the tub. He looked back to the bed, where Lydia was sitting up, pulling her shirt down, fixing it to the way it had been before he's gotten his hands on it. He wrapped the blade in toilet paper, setting it in the bottom of the trashcan before he stood up, walking back to the bed and taking hold of her hands, pulling her to her feet, then to his chest. He kissed her forehead, then her lips.

"I love you. Don't ever forget that."

He walked away, leaving her there, and Lydia stood in the middle of her floor for the longest time. She looked from the door, where Jude had gone, to her dresser, where the pictures of her parents sat. And from an old picture she'd once found with Sawyer, one that Peyton had drawn years and years ago, a phrase rang out in her mind.

People always leave.

It was true. Jude had just left, to go home for the night with Brooke. Probably at that moment, Lucas was leaving to go home to Peyton and their girls. But it wasn't just people leaving after visiting for a while. Jamie had left to join the NBA, and soon, Logan would be leaving, too.

Lydia sat on her bed, letting her mind wander further back. Six years ago, Jude's father had left. For the first part of her life, Uncle Julian had played a fairly big role. And then, he was gone. Mouth and Millie left when she was seven, to host some travel show. Aunt Karen, Andy, and Lily had moved off when she was four. Her aunt Taylor was damn near famous for leaving, and for screwing up everything in her path before she did. Her grandmother, Deb, had left long before Lydia could even remember her, and she only heard from her on Christmas and on Lydia's birthday in April.

Lydia looked back to the dresser. There were two instances of people leaving that hurt more than anything else. She looked at the picture of her dad holding her, smiling wide at the camera. He hadn't had a choice in the matter, but he'd left her, too. On the other hand, there was her mother, who had been in complete control of her actions, and she'd chosen to leave. Lydia fell back on her pillows, staring up at the ceiling.

There was something she was feeling, something she'd been feeling for a while now, something that she was terrified of. Something she could never tell Jude, because knowing him, he'd never leave her side for a damn second if he knew.

The truth was, Lydia had often entertained thoughts of leaving. Packing up her things and leaving Tree Hill without a look back. Lately though, her thoughts had taken on a different turn. Leaving didn't involve packing anymore. The leaving she thought of doing now was the kind of leaving her mother had actually done. This kind of leaving …

It was permanent.

Lydia pushed her hands through her hair as she let out a sigh. She wasn't supposed to be feeling like this. She was supposed to be feeling good by now. She stretched out her neck, laying out across the bed, facing away from her dresser and the frozen smiles of her parents. She pulled the covers over her head, taking comfort in the darkness.


	14. Chapter 13

_THIRTEEN_

Lydia felt like she was on fire. She was shaking, her entire body trembling uncontrollably. She was sitting on the edge of her bathtub, and she whimpered before she was sick yet again. She'd been throwing up nearly all night long, sweating profusely, huddled in the bathroom. She'd gotten sick after she'd woken up from an extremely vivid dream, and she'd been having hallucinations that terrified her ever since.

She'd watched as the bright pink walls of her bedroom morphed into millions of bright pink spiders that scurried around before popping like bubblegum bubbles.

She saw her mother's dead body floating in the bathtub, surrounded by weirdly vibrant purple daffodils that morphed into clownfish.

She'd seen her Grandpa Dan standing over her, holding a gun that was aimed at her chest. When he pulled the trigger, big Mylar balloons shot out instead of bullets. However, the balloons sounded like gunshots when they popped.

And after she'd watched Jude with full-on clown makeup take a flying leap out of her bedroom window, she swore that if she ever got through this, she'd never mess with drugs ever, ever again.

* * *

Around sunrise, there was a knock on her bedroom door. Clay stuck his head in, the way he always did, the way he had every morning as far back as Lydia could remember. And he always said the same thing.

"Little Scott, time to wake up."

She imagined him stepping in, seeing the empty bed. And sure enough, his voice was worried when she heard it again.

"Lydia?"

She gave out a weak moan from the bathroom, and Clay walked in, letting out a sigh when he saw her on her knees in front of the toilet.

"Oh, man. How long have you been in here?"

She shrugged her shoulders, starting to breathe hard again. Clay stepped over, laying a hand on her forehead.

"Christ, kid. You're soaked."

Lydia clenched her lips together as she clutched the toilet again, and Clay backed out of the room. Minutes later, as Lydia was breathing deep through her nose, desperately trying not to vomit, Quinn came rushing in. She knelt beside Lydia, letting out a long sigh.

"Have you been in here long?"

Lydia nodded, leaning back and over to rest her forehead on the cool bathtub. Quinn smiled up as Clay handed her a wet washcloth, and she set it across the back of Lydia's neck. Clay left the room, and Quinn gently rubbed Lydia's back.

"You are burning up, but you're sweating. I don't know if that's because you have fever and it's trying to break, or what. I'll call the doctor and see if we can't get you in to see him."  
"No, Aunt Quinn, please."

Lydia turned to throw up again, and Quinn sighed.

"Honey, you're sick."  
"It's just a virus. Let it run its course."

She moaned as she put her elbow up, resting her head on her hand. She couldn't go to the doctor. If she did, they'd do bloodwork on her and they'd find out what was truly making her sick, and she just couldn't let that happen. Quinn blew out her breath.

"I hate it when you guys get viruses."

She ran a hand over Lydia's hair, which she had pulled back in a ponytail and sighed.

"All right, fine. We'll let this run its course, but you have to stay hydrated. Drink something, anything, because I just can't deal with anyone in the hospital right now, okay?"

Lydia nodded, moving to rest her head on her arm. Quinn sighed again, rubbing Lydia's shoulders.

"I'm sorry you're sick, bud."

Lydia nodded again, and Quinn left the room, presumably to get Riley up and ready for school. Lydia opened her eyes as she leaned back against the tub, letting out a breath of relief when everything seemed normal. Please, God, don't let there be any more hallucinations. That last one had almost done her in, because she hated clowns, and to see Jude like that … She shook her head, reaching back to take hold of the washcloth and bring it to her lips. She wiped her mouth, standing gingerly on shaky legs to look in the mirror.

Death personified, that was Lydia Scott at the moment. Her hair was matted against her head, soaked with sweat. Her skin was that weird pale, almost gray. She set the washcloth aside and slowly, slowly brushed her teeth. She thought about taking a shower, but she was just so damn tired. She was still hot as hell, but she was starting to feel cold at the same time. She just decided she'd change her sheets later, slipping off her sleep shorts and her shirt, climbing into bed in just her underwear. She shivered, teeth chattering as she pulled the covers up to her chin, and her last thought as she closed her eyes was a silent prayer for no nightmares, no hallucinations, please God, no dreams at all.

* * *

Outside at lunch, Davis watched his brother instead of paying attention to Sawyer's latest story. He took a bite of his burger, chewing, swallowing, all without taking his eyes off of Jude. The guy was antsy, nervous almost, but baring his teeth like an animal to anyone who looked at him twice.

"Davis, are you even listening to me?"

Davis glanced over, seeing Sawyer's pursed lips, her blue eyes narrowing. He sighed, thankful he had his sunglasses on.

"No, babe. I'm sorry."

Sawyer blew her breath out in a huff as she sat back in her seat, crossing her arms.

"What the hell is so important you can't pay attention to me?"

Davis bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling, then motioned at his brother. Sawyer turned and looked at him, then turned back to Davis.

"Why's he so pissy today?"

Davis shrugged his shoulders.

"I think it's 'cause Lydia's not here."  
"She's sick."  
"Yeah, I know. But they've got that weird co-dependent thing going on, and since she's not here to even him out, I'm fully expecting him to go all Norman Bates on someone with that plastic knife."

Sawyer laughed.

"Yeah, I started to sit by him in biology, but … I don't know, it felt like I was sitting beside a coiled-up rattlesnake, who was just waiting on his moment to pounce."  
"Saw, rattlesnakes don't pounce."  
"You know what I mean."

She leaned over and punched him in the arm, and Davis just smiled. He let out a sigh as he looked back at Jude, who was looking down at his phone, texting Lydia, Davis presumed.

"Maybe we should work on getting them some friends other than … you know, each other."  
"They've got us, babe."

Sawyer leaned over, kissing Davis on the mouth, and he smiled.

"Yeah, and what more do you really need?"

They both laughed, finishing off their lunches, both trying to shake off the uneasy feelings as they stared at Jude.

* * *

After the longest fu—freaking day ever, Jude nearly ran out of school and to his car. He'd thought he'd heard Davis mumble something about finding his own ride home, but he'd pushed past him so quick he couldn't say. Meg had ballet after school today, so Brooke would be getting her. Jude called Quinn, who was working the day shift at the café, asking how Lydia was. Quinn said she hadn't heard from her for a while, and she was hoping she'd taken a nap. Jude offered to go and sit with her until Quinn got home, which of course, Quinn accepted. Jude raced to the Scott house, thanking whoever was listening for keeping the cops out of his hair this time. He let himself in, using the key on top of the lantern light that hung beside the door. He walked inside, taking the stairs three at a time, and gently knocked on the door at the end of the hall.

"Lyd?"

He pushed it open when he didn't hear anything, looking over at the bed and seeing the blankets down around Lydia's hips. She was hugging a pillow, and sunlight was dancing across her bare back. He swallowed, walking around to gently lay a hand on Lydia's forehead.

"Shit. Lyd, wake up. Hey."

She blinked her eyes open, looking up.

"Jude?"  
"Hey, baby."  
"Jude. What—what are you doing here?"

She hugged the pillow tighter to her chest and he smiled at her.

"I had the worst day ever, without you. I wanted to see you, make sure you were okay. How are you feeling?"  
"Like crap."

She groaned, putting her face in the pillow. Jude sighed.

"Where's the thermometer?"

Lydia motioned with her head towards her bathroom, and Jude grabbed it, walking back and sticking it under Lydia's tongue. After a few minutes, it beeped, and he read it, blowing out a breath.

"Jesus, Lyd. 102."

She nodded. She was fairly sure that this wasn't solely due to the cocaine anymore. Naturally, she would actually contract a virus. At least she hadn't thrown up again. Jude ran a hand over his face.

"How about a bath? Like a cool bath, try to bring your temp down?"

She nodded, and he went to turn the water on. When he came back, she was sitting on the side of her bed, the pillow still in her arms.

"I … I'm not—"  
"I know. I won't look. Promise."

She let out a sigh and Jude offered his hands. She took them, setting the pillow aside, and he smiled, staring into her eyes, not once looking away. She gave him a smile, and he helped her to the bathroom, turning his back while she sank into the water. She let out a long breath, and Jude leaned against the doorframe, his back to her.

"Is the water okay?"  
"It's perfect. It feels so good."

He smiled, nodding.

"Lyd, I'm right here, okay? If you need anything, just yell."  
"Okay."

Jude walked over to her bed, stripping the sheets and blankets off, tossing them out into the hall. He found some more sheets in the bottom drawer of her dresser, and put those on her bed. She had another blanket in her closet, and he draped that over the bed. He was putting the pillowcases on her pillows when he heard her call for him.

"Jude?"

He walked to the bathroom, poking his head in the door. She had her chin on the edge of the tub, her body under the water, and they smiled at each other.

"I'm ready to get out."  
"Okay. Hang on just a sec."

He tossed the pillow on the bed, walking back to the bathroom and grabbing a towel. He unfolded it, holding it open for her, and she stood up. He looked up at the ceiling until she touched his shoulder, and he wrapped the towel around her. He lifted her up in his arms, and she put her forehead on his.

"You'll be all wet."  
"I'll be all right."

Water dripped from her hair onto his shoulder, and he set her down in front of her dresser.

"I'm going to step to the hall while you get dressed. I'm right there, so just call me if you need me."

She nodded, and Jude kissed her forehead before he stepped into the hall. She pulled on her favorite long t-shirt, then went back to sit on her bed. Her head was spinning, her stomach rolling again.

"J—Jude?"

He was by her side in a flash, kneeling down in front of her.

"Hey. You okay?"

She shook her head, and he lifted a hand to touch her cheek.

"Well, you're not quite as hot as you were. Why don't you lay down and I'll go grab you something to drink?"

She nodded, and Jude moved to pull the covers back. She looked up at him, her blue eyes wide and glazed, due to the fever.

"You changed my sheets?"

He gave her a smile as he helped her lay down.

"You're too good for me, Jude."  
"Nah. I just love you. I'll be right back."

Jude walked downstairs, looking around and finding some Tylenol, and a big glass of ice water. He came back upstairs to find Lydia sound asleep, the covers up around her shoulders. He let out a sigh, laying the pills and the water on the table beside her bed. He sat on the edge of the bed, running a hand through his hair, down over his face. He left her, going down to his car and getting his bag, and coming back up to sit on the floor beside her bed as he did his homework.

* * *

Meg came dancing into the kitchen, and Davis smiled at her as he set his pencil down. She looked at him, a grin crossing her face.

"Davis, watch."

She gracefully bent down, all the way to the floor, coming back up directly on her toes, spinning around before facing him again.

"Nice one, kid."

Meg smiled, turning to get a bottle of water out of the fridge. Davis looked towards the door, then back to his little sister.

"Hey, where's Mom?"

Meg walked over, hopping up on the stool beside him.

"Owen called her."

Davis made a face, and Meg sighed.

"Come on, Davis. He's not that bad."

He looked over at her, leaning back in his chair.

"What do you mean?"

Meg shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. He … He's nice. He doesn't treat me like I'm just a little kid. I know Mama and Daddy aren't going to get back together, so I thought the least we could do was give Owen a chance. And he makes Mama smile, so…"

Davis smiled, shaking his head. When did his eleven-year-old sister get to be smarter than him? He moved to squeeze the back of her neck, making her draw up and giggle.

"When did you get to be so smart?"  
"I've always been smart."

He laughed, and Brooke walked inside.

"What's so funny?"

Davis squeezed Meg's neck again, and she let out a laugh.

"Mama, make him stop!"

Brooke smiled, as Meg swatted at Davis, still laughing.

"Davis, stop torturing your sister."

He held both of his hands up, in a show of surrender, as Meg let out a breath. She reached out and dug her fingers into his sides, and Davis yelped as he jumped up, as Meg fell out laughing.

"Not cool! Come here, you little—"

Meg took off running, slamming her bedroom door behind her. Brooke just laughed under her breath, as Davis rubbed his side.

"She's sneaky."  
"And where in the world could she possibly have learned that from?"

Brooke raised an eyebrow at her son, who just smiled. There was no one, _no one, _who could be stealthier than Davis Baker. He could be downright lethal, scaring anyone who wasn't expecting it. Brooke used to shake her head at it when he was younger, how he could just appear out of nowhere, not making a sound at all. Brooke walked over, setting her purse on the counter.

"Okay, I have got a ton of … well, crap to do at the store. I haven't heard from Quinn, so I suppose all is well at the café?"

Davis shrugged his shoulders.

"I haven't heard either."  
"We'll take that as a good sign. However, if she calls, would you do your mom a favor and run in for a little while?"

Davis gave a longsuffering sigh, but it was just for show.

"Yeah, I'll do it."  
"In the meantime, can you keep an eye on your sister for me while I finish up at the store?"

Davis nodded.

"But what do I do with her if Quinn calls?"  
"Bring her to me."

Davis nodded, but Brooke turned around, hands on her hips.

"Wait, where's your brother?"

Davis sighed.

"He took off as soon as the final bell rang. Sawyer gave me a lift home before she went to work at the café."

Brooke walked closer to him, placing her hands on the counter.

"Where did he go?"  
"Give you three guesses, and the first two don't count."

Brooke sighed.

"He's with Lydia, isn't he?"

Davis nodded.

"She's got some kind of virus, Sawyer said."  
"Which I'm sure he will catch and bring home to you and the kid with no immune system."

Davis nodded again, and Brooke sighed. Ever since Meg was a baby, if there was any hint of an illness around, she'd catch it. She'd had strep throat so many times the year she turned five that she was eventually hospitalized with an interesting case of strep throat and tonsillitis that nothing could cure until they took her tonsils out. She'd had chicken pox three different times. Colds, flus, pneumonia, viruses, Megan Baker had had them all. Brooke shook her head, turning to Davis.

"Call your brother and tell him I want to talk to him. Not in person, because Lord knows Megan would sense the germs and spike a fever. He's quarantined from this house until Lydia's better."

Davis nodded. Brooke gathered her purse and slid it on her arm, then walked to her son, kissing the top of his head.

"Take care of your sister."

Davis nodded, and Brooke was gone. Davis grabbed his cell phone, dialing his brother. Jude answered on the third ring, whispering into the phone.

"_Davis, what do you want?"  
_"You're in deep shit, my friend. Ma's furious."  
_"Why? What did I do?"  
_"How sick is Lydia?"  
_"She's thrown up twice in the past hour."  
_"And how's your little sister doing?"  
_"I don't know. I haven't seen Meg toda … Oh, shit."  
_"Yeah. Make yourself comfy at the Scott house, because Mom has forbidden you to come here."  
_"God, you're such a drama queen."  
_"Eat me."

Davis heard the click signaling the end of the call and sighed. He walked up to Jude's bedroom, packing him a bag, muttering over and over again how Jude didn't deserve such an awesome brother.

* * *

Jude ran a hand over his face as he walked back to Lydia's bedroom. His mother had tried to make it seem like she was upset with him, but it was useless. She was glad he was taking care of Lydia, but until all was clear, he could not come home. He understood, of course, kind of felt bad about it. Then again, this was extra time he could spend with Lydia, so…

He walked back into her bedroom to find her sitting up, leaning back against the pillows.

"Hey, you're awake."

She gave him a smile, nodded.

"How are you feeling?"  
"Not too bad."

Her voice was scratchy and hoarse. Jude nodded as he walked over to her, leaning to lay a hand against her forehead.

"Well, you're not so hot anymore. Still a bit warm, though."

She nodded.

"Yeah, I've still got the chills a little bit, too."

He nodded as she pulled the covers around her.

"Who was on the phone?"

Jude smiled.

"Davis. And then I had to call my mom."  
"Everything okay?"

Jude smiled again as he reached up, brushing her hair back from her face.

"Well, yes and no. She hopes you feel better, says she loves you."

Lydia nodded, and Jude went on.

"And it looks like I'll be chilling here for a bit."

Her eyebrows drew together, and he smiled again.

"I … sort of came over here without thinking it through. You're sick, and even if I don't get it, Meg probably will."  
"Oh, man. I completely forgot about that."

Lydia coughed, and Jude let out a sigh.

"Here. Let me check your temp again."

He went and got the thermometer, stuck it under her tongue while she sat huddled beneath the blankets. When the thermometer beeped, Jude checked it and sighed.

"Well, we're down to 100. If we could at least get you out of the triple digits, that would be good."

Lydia nodded, and Jude pointed to her water glass.

"Drink."  
"I don't want it."  
"I don't care. You've got to stay hydrated."  
"I don't want to throw up anymore."  
"You want to go to a hospital?"

Lydia made a face, and Jude smiled.

"That's what I thought. Drink."

Jude crossed his arms as she reached out and took hold of the glass.

"Little sips. Go slow."

Lydia nodded, doing what he asked. After a minute, she set the glass back down. Jude watched her.

"How you feeling?"  
"Waterlogged."

He laughed, sitting beside her on the bed and running his hand through her hair.

"Feel sick?"  
"Not yet."  
"Maybe we'll make it through this time."

Lydia nodded and lay down, pulling the covers tight around her. Jude continued to stroke her hair. Lydia looked up at him.

"How do you feel about clowns?"

He smiled.

"They're all right. Why?"  
"They creep me out. Big time."  
"Because of _IT_?"  
"Because of what?"

Jude laughed under his breath.

"_IT_. The Stephen King book and subsequent movie."  
"I've never seen it."  
"Don't watch it. I snuck it in when Davis and I were six, and we couldn't handle storm drains for years afterwards."

Lydia smiled.

"So you wouldn't, like, want to be a clown when you grow up?"  
"Uh, no, honey. I've got bigger dreams than clown college."  
"Like what?"  
"Like actual college."

Lydia laughed again, trailing off into a cough. Jude sighed, continued to stroke her hair.

"Where's all the clown talk coming from?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"No reason. Weird fever dream."

Jude nodded, and Lydia closed her eyes. Okay, so it hadn't been a fever dream so much as a bad coke-trip hallucination, but hey. She yawned, hearing the front door open and close. She looked up to Jude, snuggling in closer to her pillow.

"What time is it?"  
"Quarter after six."  
"Logan must be home. Which means Riley's home, so—"  
"I'll cut her off at the pass."

Lydia turned further into her pillow, and Jude smiled when he heard her mutter that he was too good for her. She slept through the rest of the evening, waking up at midnight when Quinn checked on her again. Jude was asleep on the futon near her closet, and Lydia was still running fever, which had crawled up to 101. She took the pills Quinn gave her, drifting back into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

The virus tore through the Scott/Evans household, with everyone becoming sick except for Jude and Logan. They tag-teamed, Logan doing the cooking while Jude passed out medicines and cleaned up. Riley was pitiful, almost as pitiful as Clay, while Quinn toughed it out. Lydia's fever finally broke on the third day, with Riley perking up right behind her. Quinn recovered soon after, but Clay, as always, was a terrible patient and almost had to go to the hospital for dehydration. Riley was the one who forced his recovery, using the charm of being Daddy's little girl to get her way. Peyton stopped by to bring various soups, setting them outside the door and ringing the bell, running back to her car before the door could open and any rogue germs escape.

* * *

A week later, everyone was much better, nearly back to fighting form. Clay was still milking his illness, but everyone was used to him and paid him no attention. Jude was spending his last day at the house, Brooke and Quinn deciding that a week with no fever at all in the house should be fine for Jude to come home. If Meg got sick anyway, then it was obviously just meant to be. Lydia had gotten used to having him around all the time, especially since once she was fever-free and on the road to recovery, he'd come crawling into her bed after everyone was asleep. Spending all night wrapped up in Jude's arms made Lydia feel better, like maybe the world wasn't as dark as she thought it was.

When he was gone, though, her tune changed.

It was harder and harder to get out of bed every day. She was so tired of putting on a brave face, going to school and pretending everything was fine. She stopped using, but kept the cocaine stuff buried in her top dresser drawer, kind of as a reminder of how bad it had gotten. Jude was worried about her, she knew, because whenever they were together, if they weren't making out, she was curled as close to him as she could be, just letting him hold her.

* * *

"Hey, Quinn?"

Quinn put down her mug of tea and turned to her husband. She gave him a smile, and he rubbed the back of his head as he walked over to her.

"Something's up with our girl."  
"I know."

She sighed, looking down at the kitchen countertop, then back to Clay.

"What do we do?"  
"I think we need to take her to talk to someone."  
"A shrink?"  
"Maybe."

Quinn let her shoulders drop, and Clay moved behind her to massage them.

"I don't know exactly what's going on, but she seems so down. She tries to pretend like nothing's wrong around us, but come on. We've been around her since she was born. Since before she was born. If anyone knows her, it's you and I."  
"You're right. You're right. We need … We need to help her."

Clay pressed a kiss to Quinn's neck.

"I'll call around, see if there's someone who can take us on."

Quinn nodded, and Clay jogged off to his office. Quinn took another sip of her tea, then turned and walked out of the kitchen. She walked over to the piano in the music room, gently running her hand over the lid and the keys. She looked up at the bookshelf next to the piano, seeing her sister smiling down from the safety of her husband's arms. Haley and Nathan's wedding photo, from their second wedding, had been next to the piano for as far back as Quinn could remember. She walked over to it, letting her fingers drift across the glass.

"We need your help, Hales. Your little girl needs help. And I need help to know that I'm doing the right thing to help her."

Quinn looked behind her, out the French doors to see a beautiful butterfly fluttering through the garden. She smiled, looking back to the picture.

"Thanks, Hales."

She nodded once more, closing the piano as she left the room, heading to the office to help Clay find some way to help Lydia.


	15. Chapter 14

**First of all, my apologies for not updating sooner. Thanks for the reviews, especially the latest one that prompted me to get this chapter out! **

**As has happened before, as I've warned you about, I kind of hit a wall with this story. I've said it before, it is hard to write this. It's hard for me to get in Lydia's mindset, and when the mood strikes, I try and pounce on it. I'm going to try and crank out a few more chapters before this muse leaves me, so keep your fingers crossed!**

**I've gotten a new idea, and I'm starting it in this chapter. Lydia's seeing a therapist, and for you diehard OTH fans, she's someone familiar! (And points to whoever recognizes the other familiar face I threw in this chapter.) In the therapy sessions, I'm going to try to give you a little more insight into Lydia Scott, and why she feels the way she does. We will get to the root of everything soon, and I hate to say it, but it's going to get dark.**

**In the meantime, enjoy.**

* * *

_FOURTEEN_

Lydia sat on a comfortable couch, staring out the window at the rose bushes. She took in another breath, letting it out slowly, the same way she'd been doing for the past twenty minutes. This time, though, she spoke.

"Just as a refresher course, anything I say stays here, right? You can't go back and tell Quinn or Clay what I said?"

She turned her head, meeting the warm, dark eyes of the young woman sitting across from her. She refused to refer to her as a therapist, even though that's what she was. She was someone Aunt Peyton had known a long time ago, kind of new in town, but that was a complicated story. The woman smiled.

"Right. Anything you say stays between you and me."

Lydia nodded, turning to look back out the window. After a few minutes, she brought her eyes back to the diplomas hanging on the wall. There was one from high school, two from college, and one for a Ph.D.

"So do I call you Doctor, or …?"  
"You can if you want. Most people have a difficult time saying 'Jagielski,' so if you want to just call me Jenny, that would be fine."

Lydia nodded again.

"Well then, Jenny, I'd just like to say this is bullshit."

Jenny nodded, pursing her lips together to keep from smiling.

"What makes you think that?"

Lydia let out a laugh.

"No. I do not want to sit on this couch and divulge all my secrets, tell you about my childhood and 'how does that make me feel?' No, this is stupid."

Jenny nodded.

"Well, I'm here, if you do want to talk."  
"I don't."  
"Just in case. Your aunt's pretty worried about you, you know."

Lydia let out a sigh.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm fine. I've tried to tell her, I'm fine."

Lydia crossed her arms, trying to swallow the bad taste the lie left in her mouth. Jenny closed her notebook, setting it on her desk.

"And Quinn's not the only one. Peyton's pretty worried about you, too."  
"Right, and how do you know Aunt Peyton again?"

Jenny smiled.

"This hour is to talk about you, Lydia."  
"Tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."

Jenny let out a laugh.

"Fair enough. I have known Peyton Sawyer longer than I can remember. She and my dad dated for a while when I was a baby. Dad told me that Peyton was his 'one that got away.' She always loved Lucas, though."

Lydia nodded.

"Yeah, Aunt Peyton told me that she always held a soft spot in her heart for Jake and Jenny."

Jenny smiled, and Lydia leaned forward.

"What are you doing back in Tree Hill? Aunt Peyton told me your dad left a long time ago, when you were still little."

Jenny nodded.

"Yeah, we did move off. I grew up in Savannah, Georgia. I graduated from Georgia Tech. Got my master's from the University of Texas. Got my Ph.D. from UC-Berkeley."  
"Impressive."  
"Thank you. I worked hard for it, so I feel like I can show it off a bit."

Lydia smiled at that, and Jenny leaned back in her chair.

"Well, there you go. Your turn."

Lydia smiled, shrugged her shoulders.

"Not much to tell. I was born here, grew up here. If you can call it that, since I'm only sixteen. I go to Tree Hill High, where I'm a sophomore. My cousin Sawyer wants me to try out for cheerleading with her, but I don't know if it's really my thing."

Lydia leaned back against the couch.

"I was raised by my Aunt Quinn and Uncle Clay. I've got an older brother named Jamie, who plays for the Orlando Magic in the NBA. Aunt Quinn and Uncle Clay's kids, Logan and Riley, are practically my big brother and little sister."

Lydia glanced out the window, seeing a bumblebee in the rose bush and she smiled, before continuing on.

"I'm pretty close to my Uncle Lucas and Aunt Peyton. Their daughter Sawyer, my cousin, is my best friend. And her little sister Ellie is cool. Then there's Aunt Brooke, who I'm pretty close to, as well. Her kids Davis and Meg. And Jude."

Lydia smiled as she looked down at her hands, the way she always did when she thought about or spoke of Jude. Jenny's face lit up at that, but she didn't say anything, just let Lydia go on.

"I don't have any pets. No real job, but I do help out at the café and Aunt Brooke's store, if need be. I don't really know what I want to be when I grow up, and frankly, that's a little too much for me to think about right now. Prom's coming up soon, so that's what I guess I'm worried about."  
"You guess?"

Lydia nodded.

"Sawyer's got high hopes for us. She's going with her boyfriend, Davis, and I'm going with Jude."  
"And Jude is your boyfriend?"

Lydia looked up at Jenny, then back down at her hands. She shook her head.

"No, not … not officially."

She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something else, then closed it, shaking her head. Jenny smiled gently.

"What?"

Lydia looked up at the soft question, and Jenny's smile softened.

"You can say whatever you want, you know."

Lydia nodded, and let out a breath. She smiled, and the sadness of it touched Jenny's heart.

"He deserves someone a lot better than me, but he won't leave me alone."

Jenny nodded slowly, not letting her feelings show on her face, and Lydia went on.

"I mean, he … He's so good, and I …"

She sighed.

"He just deserves someone better."  
"And why isn't that you?"

Lydia looked up, glancing at the clock behind Jenny's head.

"Isn't our hour up?"

Jenny glanced at the watch on her wrist, then smiled.

"It doesn't have to be."  
"Yes, it does. I have homework."

Lydia went to stand up, brushing her hands on her pants, and Jenny stood to her feet.

"Lydia, I'd really like for you to come back next week."

Lydia let out a sigh.

"Come on. I'm fine. We barely spent this hour talking at all. And when we did talk, it was about … Nothing."  
"No, it was about you."  
"Like I said."

Lydia's statement was barely audible, but Jenny heard it anyway. She slid her backpack on her shoulders and looked to Jenny.

"Aunt Quinn already scheduled me, didn't she?"

Jenny smiled.

"Through the end of the month."

Lydia nodded and let out a laugh.

"I guess I'll be here, then."  
"You don't have to, you know."  
"Oh, I think I do. But I don't have to talk."  
"No, you don't."

Lydia smiled at that, taking hold of the doorknob.

"Then be prepared for a quiet few weeks, doc."

She walked out of the room, letting the door shut behind her. Jenny let out a long breath, walking to her desk and pulling her notebook back out. She made some notes, and Shelley Simon, the other therapist she worked with, walked into the room.

"How'd it go?"

Jenny let out a long sigh, leaning back in her chair.

"Not at all like I expected."  
"Really?"

Jenny nodded.

"I think she's got more issues than anyone thinks."  
"You think we need to do something?"

Jenny sighed, then shook her head.

"Not yet. I want to see if I can get her to open up a little bit more."  
"What's your diagnosis?"

Jenny smiled, clasping her hands together and resting them over her stomach.

"Depression, definitely. If nothing else than from what Quinn and Peyton described. Lydia was putting on a front the entire time she was here, of that I am sure. And from the little bit she said, I'd venture to say that she has a serious self-esteem issue."  
"Really?"

Jenny nodded. Shelley pursed her lips together.

"Did you prescribe her anything?"

Jenny shook her head.

"No, but I would almost bet you money that's she's already on something."  
"Are you serious?"

Jenny nodded.

"I believe so, because the girl that was in my office this afternoon is nothing like what Peyton described to me."  
"I don't understand."  
"Neither do I."

Jenny let out a laugh as she shook her head.

"I hope I can get her to open up some more next week. Cross your fingers."  
"Will do."

* * *

Lydia sat in a chair on the balcony outside her room, looking out over the backyard. She kind of wished they lived at the beach, so she could watch the waves roll in. She looked down at her hand, debating with herself, but that was mainly for show. Showing herself, she guessed? She knew she'd take the little pill, and she knew she should feel bad about it.

But she didn't.

She opened her mouth and popped the pill in, letting it sit on her tongue, making a face at the bitter taste before washing it down with a swig from her water bottle. She let out a sigh and closed her eyes, leaning back in the chair.

What the hell was Quinn thinking, making her go to a therapist? And she chooses one that Peyton picks out because Peyton used to change her diapers? Please. Lydia was mad at them both, refusing to talk to Quinn the whole ride to and from the therapist's. When they got home, she went right up to her room and locked the door, dropping her backpack on the floor and throwing open the window, before unlocking the French door and walking onto the balcony. She'd pulled the pill out of a little bag she'd stuffed down in the bottom of her purse.

She'd met up with Nate Smith during her lunch period Monday. He was a year or so younger than Jamie, and his parents had been friends with hers while they were in high school. Nate was the assistant basketball coach (more like assistant to the assistant), and dealt drugs on the side. She'd told him that she was done, because the last batch of coke he'd given her had sent her on a horrible trip down the rabbit hole. He'd tried to talk her into some other drugs, but Lydia had stood her ground. Until he'd pulled out the little pills. He promised they'd be easier than the cocaine. These wouldn't induce any hallucinations, nothing but a good high. Lydia wanted to refuse, the memory of those horrifying hallucinations rolling through her brain, but Nate had given her that smile, and she just couldn't refuse. So she stuffed the little baggie into her purse and tried to forget about it.

And then Quinn had dragged her to a freaking therapist.

And now? Well, Lydia kind of felt like she was floating. Nate was right. These things were good. Not quite as good as the coke, but it'd do. She'd always felt kind of dirty doing the cocaine, anyway. A pill, she could take no problem. She was her mother's daughter, after all.

Lydia let out a laugh at how incredibly unfunny that statement was. She was a horrible person. But, she'd known that for years, so…

"Lydia?"

Lydia opened her eyes, sitting up in the chair, looking behind her. Riley was standing in the door. Lydia let out a sigh and turned back, relaxing back in the chair.

"If you've come to take up for Quinn, I don't want to hear it."  
"She's just trying to help, Lyd."  
"I just said I don't want to hear it."

Riley let out a sigh.

"Mama just wanted me to tell you that Jamie's game will be on in a couple of hours."

Lydia nodded, not turning around. Riley sighed again, and turned away. Lydia heard her bedroom door open and shut, and she let out a sigh. She missed her brother. Jamie had always been there, taking care of her, telling her stories about their parents. And even though she missed him, Lydia was kind of glad he wasn't around. She just knew how disappointed he'd be in her, and she hated to think of that. She was to the point of debating whether or not she wanted another pill when her phone vibrated. She picked it up, saw the message from Sawyer.

_Prom's next week! Are you as excited as I am?!_

Four punctuation marks. Really, Saw? Lydia sighed, closing her eyes before tapping out her reply.

_Uh, definitely!_

Ha ha, lie. But Lydia just couldn't bring herself to care at that moment. Her phone buzzed again, and she looked down at Sawyer's message.

_We've got to go to C-over-B and make sure our dresses are perf. Plans tomorrow?_

Lydia closed her eyes and thought, then opened the calendar app on her phone. Nothing planned for the next day. Damn it.

_Nope. Meet you there after school?_

Less than a minute later, Sawyer replied.

_Yay! We can just drive there once school lets out. El will just have to deal. LOL._

"LOL" indeed, Lydia thought. Damn, these pills were awesome. She couldn't bring herself to care about a damn thing. She let out a long breath, and her phone buzzed again. She rolled her eyes before looking to Sawyer's message, but her face changed when she realized it wasn't Sawyer who texted her. It was Jude.

_Busy?_

Lydia smiled.

_Nope._

A few seconds later, her phone rang. She smiled when she saw the picture on her screen, a sweet photo from a long time ago of Jude holding her and making her laugh. She ran her finger down the screen, then answered the call, leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes.

"Hey, Jude."

She almost hear the smile on his face.

"Hey, babe. How you doing?"

Lydia let out a sigh.

"I'm okay."  
"Good."

She could picture him nodding, and she took the phone away from her ear, opening an eye to look at the time.

"You at the café?"  
"Yep. Shutting it down tonight."

She nodded, smiling again.

"Will you come and see me after?"  
"Is the Pope a Catholic?"

Lydia giggled, and Jude smiled.

"You sound like you're in a good mood."  
"Must be the fresh air."

_Or the pills in the bottom of my purse, _Lydia thought. Yeah, probably that. She took in a breath, then spoke quietly.

"I miss you, Jude. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."  
"We spent all day together at school, babe. Remember? We even skipped history."  
"Eh, it's a bullshit class anyway."

Jude laughed at that.

"Yeah, I'm definitely coming over later. Pop your window for me."  
"Well, duh."

He laughed again.

"Hey, is Jamie's game on TV tonight?"  
"Yep. Don't ask me what channel, though."  
"Damn it."

She giggled at that, and the smile stayed on Jude's face.

"Guess I'll just have to search for it."  
"Guess so."

She heard him sigh.

"I miss you too, Lyd. I'll see you soon, okay?"  
"I'll hold you to it."  
"I love you."

She gave him a little hum, and he smiled, ending the call. Lydia pulled the phone back to make sure the call was over, then tossed the phone on the table. She sat outside until the sun went down, and she walked back in her room. She laid on her bed, dozing off until she heard a knock at her door.

"Little Scott, tip off's in fifteen!"

Lydia groaned as she sat up, noticing how thirsty she was. She still felt pretty good, and she made her way down to the kitchen, where she pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Logan smiled at her as he walked by, ruffling her hair before he sat at the couch. Lydia smoothed her hair back as she took a sip of the water.

"Hey, there she is! Come and sit. They're warming up."

Lydia stepped up behind the couch, a smile crossing her face as the camera zoomed in on Jamie. Riley and Quinn squealed, and Lydia held her breath, until Jamie looked at the camera and smiled as he ran his finger down his nose. Riley squealed again, turning to Lydia.

"There it was! Did you see it?!"

Lydia nodded. Long ago, she and Jamie had decided that was their signal to each other. If he was on the court, he'd glance her way and run his finger down his nose, and she'd grin and yell for him. Once his games were televised, he'd make sure and do it to the camera, and once the game was over, win or lose—more often than not, win—Jamie would call the family and make sure Lydia had seen the signal, so she'd know he was thinking about her.

Lydia smiled and put the bottle of water to her lips, scrunching her nose when she realized the bottle was empty. Guess she was thirstier than she thought. She grabbed a glass from the cabinet, filling it with ice and water, then walked to the recliner off to the side. Quinn and Riley were on the loveseat, and Clay and Logan were spread out on the couch. Lydia had learned a long time ago, the Evans men needed their space when they were watching sports. The girls were easier, though Riley had enough of her dad in her that if the game got intense enough, she'd be as bad as the boys. Lydia took a sip from her glass, leaning back in the chair and watching as the Magic prepared to take on the Celtics.

By halftime, Lydia, Quinn, and Riley were smiling and laughing quietly as Clay and Logan screamed at the television, coaching the team from their couch, groaning when the players didn't do what they wanted. The game was tied up, again, and when the final buzzer sounded, sending the players to the locker rooms, Clay and Logan both let out a sigh.

"They better get it together before the second half."  
"Dad, this game is bull—"  
"Watch it, kid."

Logan sighed, looking sheepish as he glanced at Quinn. She smiled at him before standing up to go and order their traditional pizza. Lydia relaxed back in the recliner, and when Quinn was out of earshot, Logan leaned closer to his dad.

"Bullshit, Dad. These refs are a joke."  
"I know, son. The whole thing's just a crock of shit, and there's nothing we can do about it. Damn it."

Lydia and Riley burst out laughing at their whispered statements, and from the kitchen, Quinn spoke.

"I hope you both are happy. This is not a locker room!"

Clay reached over and smacked the back of Logan's head, which only sent Lydia and Riley deeper into their giggles. The pizza arrived before the halftime show was over, and thankfully, the Magic got their "stuff," Logan said as he eyed Quinn, together and ended up winning the game. An hour after the game was over, the phone rang. Lydia answered it.

"Hello?"  
"Yeah, is this the Scott residence?"

At the first sound of the familiar, deep voice, Lydia grinned.

"Sure is."  
"This is where Jamie Scott lives?"  
"Last I checked."  
"The world-famous NBA star Jamie Scott?"  
"Oh, no. You've got the wrong number. Our Jamie Scott's head is not quite that big."  
"Ouch, baby sister."

Lydia laughed.

"You did so good, James! We watched the whole thing."  
"Did you see the signal before we started?"

Lydia smiled, and she just knew Jamie was smiling, too.

"I did. Thanks for thinking of me."  
"Hey, you're my good luck charm."

Lydia shut her eyes at that. She let out a quiet cough, and Jamie's protective big brother instincts kicked in.

"You okay?"  
"Yeah, James. I'm fine."  
"You sure? You over that virus?"  
"Yes, you stalker."

Jamie laughed.

"Logan told me when I called last week. Sounded gnarly."  
"You should have been here."

Lydia shuddered at the memory, and Jamie let out a laugh.

"I miss you, Lyd."  
"I miss you, too."  
"Oh hey, is everyone around?"  
"Yeah, they're all here."

Lydia glanced around the living room as everyone turned to her. Jamie smiled.

"Put me on speaker."

Lydia did.

"Am I on?"

Everyone yelled their hellos, and Jamie laughed.

"Hi, guys. Did you see me kick butt?"

Everyone spoke at one time, and Jamie laughed.

"All right, all right. Listen. We're playing the Bobcats in Charlotte in, like, a month. And I may have managed to snag my favorite people some tickets. And I got one for Clay, too."

Everyone fell out laughing, including Clay.

"I'm just kidding, man. But I've seriously got y'all tickets, and you've got to be here. I miss you guys something awful."  
"We miss you too, Jimmy Jam."

Lydia could almost see Jamie's smile at Quinn's nickname.

"Well look, I've got to go. I think ESPN was begging for me a minute ago."  
"Yeah, right!"

Jamie laughed at Clay.

"Talk to you guys later. Love you!"

Everyone said their goodbyes, and Quinn hung up the phone. She sat back on the couch, seeing Clay's smile and letting out a laugh. Clay nodded.

"So road trip to Charlotte? See a little Magic kick some Bobcat butt?"

Quinn shook her head.

"You're horrible. And so are you."

Quinn nodded to Logan, who held out his hands, an innocent look on his face. Quinn laughed, walking over and kissing the top of his head. She held a hand out to Riley, who took it as she stood up.

"It's a school night, girlies."

Riley and Lydia nodded, telling Clay and Logan goodnight as they walked upstairs. Lydia changed into her pajamas, sitting on her bed with her hairbrush, gently running it through her hair until she heard a knock at the door. Quinn poked her head in.

"Can we talk?"

Lydia nodded, setting the brush on her bedside table as Quinn walked in and sat on the bed facing Lydia. She took in a deep breath.

"I know you're mad at me."

Lydia looked down at the comforter, and Quinn sighed.

"Honey, I'm just trying to help you."  
"I don't need help! Aunt Quinn, I'm fine."  
"Lydia."

Lydia shook her head, looking at the wall. Quinn sighed again.

"I'm worried about you, honey. And so are Peyton and Brooke."  
"Well, you're all worrying for nothing."  
"Honey, I can see it!"

Lydia's breath caught in her chest. Quinn looked down at the bed, then up to Lydia again.

"Sweetheart, it's okay for you to ask for help. You know that right?"

Lydia nodded.

"We won't think any less of you for it. No one will."  
"Well, if I need it, I'll ask for it. But I'm fine. I promise."

Quinn sighed again, then stood up.

"I'm not going to ask about what you and Jenny talked about today."

Lydia closed her eyes, and Quinn spoke again.

"I think it'll be good, if you have someone like that to talk to."

Lydia nodded. _Maybe if I was actually talking to her, _she thought. _But I'm not. And I won't._ Lydia stared at the bed, and Quinn sighed.

"Okay. Well, good night."  
"Night."

Quinn closed the door behind her, and Lydia let out a long breath as she sprawled out on the bed. She thought about the pills in her bag, thought about taking another one. She actually got up, was kneeling beside her purse when she heard the tap on her window. She looked over, hearing it again, and once more before she smiled. She walked over and opened the window, sticking her head out. Jude was standing under the tree, and Lydia walked over, opening the door to the balcony. Jude shimmied up the tree and onto the balcony, walking into Lydia's room, and she was suddenly in his arms. Her lips were pressed to his, and Jude laced his fingers through her hair, holding her mouth on his.

"I've missed you."

He smiled, kissing her again.

"I missed you. God, you're beautiful."

Lydia blushed at his words, leaning her head to the side as his mouth gently worked on her neck. Her hand carded through his hair, holding him at a spot just under her ear. She let out a moan, and Jude smiled against her neck. He pulled back, reaching and tugging his t-shirt over his head. He'd realized just how much Lydia enjoyed his bare chest, and now whenever they had a moment together, he did his best to go shirtless. Just as he'd wanted, she snuggled up close to him, and he held a hand on the back of her head, his fingers tangled in her beautiful hair. He walked her over to the bed, and she crawled in, with him right behind her. She moved to lay her head on his chest, and Jude ran his hand up and down her arm.

"So today was the day, huh?"

Lydia groaned, turning her face into his chest for a moment.

"Yeah. Her name is Jenny Jagielski. She used to live here a long time ago. Local scandal, if I got my sources right."  
"Really?"  
"Really. She was born when our parents were like sophomores or juniors. Her dad and Aunt Peyton had a thing going on once upon a time, but her heart always belonged to Uncle Lucas."  
"Oh, how precious."

Lydia giggled as Jude pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"So local girl makes good?"  
"Yep. She's got all these important-looking diplomas on her wall. Guess she knows her shit."

Jude let out a quiet laugh at that.

"Okay, I'll bet you five bucks that you didn't say a word to her."  
"Well, cough it up, because I did. Nothing of any import, but I did talk a bit."

Jude laughed.

"Remind me, I'll pay up tomorrow."

Lydia smiled, snuggling closer to him.

"Quinn scheduled me appointments for the rest of the month, so I've got to go back. Jude, I don't want to."  
"Why not?"

Lydia let out a sigh, feeling exhausted all of a sudden.

"I just …"

She closed her eyes, feeling the breath coming faster and harder from her lungs, and she felt Jude's lips against her forehead.

"Easy, baby. Everything's okay."

She nodded, wrapping her arms around him.

"It's so hard, Jude. It's … It's so hard to pretend."

He let out a long sigh.

"Maybe you could talk about that with-"  
"With the shrink? Yeah, I'll pass, thanks."  
"Is it really that bad, Lyd?"

She sighed, shifting in his arms.

"I just … I feel like if I go and I talk to her, then I … I'm crazy or something."  
"Hey."

Jude put a finger under her chin, lifting her face to look her in the eye.

"You are not crazy."  
"Borderline depressed."  
"But not crazy."

He leaned to press a kiss to her lips.

"Just because you're talking to someone doesn't mean they're going to throw you in a psych ward or something. It's just talking, babe."  
"I just talk to you. It's different with her."  
"Doesn't have to be bad different."

Lydia let out a breath.

"Maybe you're right."  
"Damn straight."

She giggled then, and Jude moved his hand to the back of her neck. He'd learned, in the few weeks he'd been sneaking into her bedroom at night, that a surefire way to get Lydia to sleep was to massage her neck. He began to move his fingers, closing his eyes at the little sounds she began making. He felt her arms around him begin to go limp, and he kissed her one more time before she slipped into sleep. He held her for a while, until the numbers on her clock were much later than he wanted them to be. He slid out from under her, sighing at the moan she made when she wasn't in his arms anymore. He ran his fingers through her hair.

"It's okay, babe. I've just got to get home. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you."

She sighed, settling back to the bed. Once she was asleep, he walked over, latching her window, pressing the lock on the balcony door before he walked out. He crawled down the tree, trying to slip to his car without anyone seeing.

And he missed Clay, standing at the window, shaking his head.

"You know, one day we should let him know that he could just use the door."

Clay caught the pillow Quinn threw at him, smiling as he walked back to the bed.


	16. Chapter 15

_FIFTEEN_

Lydia was quiet in the car while Sawyer drove to Clothes Over Bros. Ellie whined at first, because she wanted to go home and start on her art project, but she perked up once she realized that Quinn and Riley were meeting them there. Lydia was trying her hardest, but she just couldn't shake off the dark cloud that was hanging over her head. She'd been quiet all day, sticking close to Jude, making him worry enough to try to get someone to cover his shift at the café, so he could stay with Lydia that afternoon. She talked him out of it, saying that Sawyer would kill him if he saw the dress before the prom, and Jude relented. He did promise to get off in time to take Lydia to dinner, making her smile just the slightest bit.

"All right, here we go! I am so excited!"

Lydia glanced over at Sawyer and smiled, nodding her head. Sawyer and Ellie scrambled from the car, and Lydia let out a long breath before climbing out of the car. She walked inside, and Meg hurried over to her, wrapping herself around Lydia's waist, making Lydia smile as she laid a hand on Meg's dark hair.

"Hey, kid."  
"Hi, Lyddie. I can't wait to see you in your dress. Mama said you were gorgeous."

Lydia let out a laugh, fighting hard to keep the tears from falling. Meg flipped the OPEN sign on the door to CLOSED, taking Lydia's hand and leading her over to where Brooke, Peyton, and Quinn were waiting with Sawyer. Ellie and Riley had gone to the back as soon as they could, swiping Brooke's colored pencils and paper to discuss their art projects. Brooke smiled when she saw Lydia.

"Hello, beautiful."  
"Hi, Aunt Brooke."

Lydia walked into Brooke's arms, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath as Brooke held her. For some reason, and Lydia had never been able to say why, but to her, Brooke always smelled like a mom. She wore perfume of course, and had changed perfumes over the years, but there was something about her that was comforting to Lydia. Brooke ran a hand through Lydia's chocolate-colored hair, shooting Quinn a look. Quinn let out a sigh, shaking her head, and Peyton and Sawyer exchanged a glance. Peyton reached out and pulled Sawyer to her, pressing a kiss to her temple as Sawyer closed her eyes and laid her head on her mother's shoulder. Brooke leaned to kiss the top of Lydia's head, and Lydia moved back, giving Brooke a sad smile. Brooke took her hand, smiling gently.

"You okay?"

Lydia nodded.

"Yeah, I just … It's been a long day."

Brooke nodded, nodding to Sawyer, wrapping an arm around Lydia's shoulder and leading them to the back. Their dresses hung up on either side of a mirror, and Sawyer gasped, a wide smile on her face.

"Oh, I'm so excited!"

The women laughed, and Lydia forced herself to smile. Brooke ushered her and Sawyer to their dresses, sending them each into a dressing room. Once inside, Lydia leaned against the wall, letting deep breaths out. God, she didn't want to be here. She wanted to be home, in her bed. Her hands were shaking as she undressed, pulling the dress on. It was a lot looser than it had been the first time she tried it on, and she closed her eyes, leaning her head against the wall.

She heard the other dressing room door open and the gasps. She could only imagine how beautiful Sawyer must look, with her gorgeous blonde curls, those intense blue eyes. She'd never be as beautiful as her cousin, no matter what she did. A gentle knock at the door startled her, and she wiped her face, clearing away the tears she hadn't realized she was crying, as she heard Brooke's voice.

"Honey? Is everything okay? Do you need help?"  
"No, I, uh… I've got it, but it … It's ..."  
"It's okay, sweetie. We can fix it, whatever it needs."

Lydia swallowed, then opened the door, stepping out in the dress, using one hand to hold it up. Quinn, Peyton, and Sawyer had the same expression on their faces, while Brooke had a soft smile on hers. Meg walked over, reaching a hand out to smooth down Lydia's dress.

"You look beautiful, Lyddie."

Lydia looked down at Meg, giving her a smile.

"Thank you."  
"Well, come on. Let's get you up here."

Lydia let Brooke lead her to the pedestal, stepping up onto it and looking at herself in the mirror. She had lost a lot of weight. She'd kind of stopped eating a while back, then there was the virus she'd had, and once that was over, she never really got back into the habit. Lydia closed her eyes, until she felt someone take her hands and squeeze them. She looked into Brooke's eyes, seeing the gentle smile on her face.

"We can take the dress up so it fits. Have you gotten any shoes yet?"

Lydia shook her head, and a tear slid down her cheek. Brooke reached up, simply wiping it away.

"That's all right. We can go look today, or maybe this weekend. I could order some, put a rush on it."

Lydia nodded, glancing behind her to realize that everyone else had left, and only she and Brooke were in the room. Brooke walked around, pinning up the dress to fit Lydia's even more slender frame. Lydia looked in the mirror as tears slid down her cheeks, watching as Brooke made her way around to the other side of the dress. She stepped back, pursing her lips together as she looked at the front of the dress.

"Hmm. Maybe that's too much. We want it to fit, but we don't want it to suffocate the girls here."

Lydia let out a laugh, and Brooke's smile grew as she looked up at her. She loosened one of the pins, sliding her hand down the bodice of the dress.

"There. Now you look like a beautiful girl going to prom, and not a Hooters waitress stuffed into an evening gown."

Lydia laughed again, and Brooke did the same. She reached up, taking Lydia's face in her hands, using her thumbs to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"Will you talk to me about it?"

Lydia sighed, looking back to the mirror as tears filled her eyes again.

"It, uh … It didn't really hit me until I went in—in the dressing room."

Brooke's face went confused, and Lydia let out a shaking breath, speaking in barely a whisper.

"I wish my mom was here."

Brooke's mouth opened, and she closed it as tears filled her own eyes. Lydia sniffled, blinking her eyes, but the tears fell anyway. Brooke reached up a hand, and Lydia took it, stepping off of the platform and into Brooke's arms. After a minute, Brooke took a breath, speaking just as quietly.

"I wish she was here too, honey."

Brooke held her for the longest time, smoothing a hand down her hair as Lydia rested her head on Brooke's shoulder. When she could speak again, Brooke smiled.

"I used to hold you like this when you were a baby."

Lydia sniffled.

"Really?"  
"Yep. You'd rest your head on my shoulder like this, and I'd rub your little bald head."

Lydia let out a laugh at that, and Brooke smiled.

"I'd sing to you, horribly, and usually Haley would come and take you away from me, talking about how you needed your ears while you grew up."

Lydia laughed again.

"And then, most of the time, Haley would sing to you. She had such a beautiful voice."  
"She did?"

Brooke leaned back, and Lydia looked up at her.

"Oh, yeah. Did we never tell you about that?"

Lydia shook her head, raised an eyebrow at her, and Brooke smiled.

"Go take the dress off and put your clothes back on, then come see me. I'll see what I can find."  
"Okay."

Lydia turned to go back to the dressing room.

"Be careful of the pins!"

Lydia lifted her hand in the "OK" sign, and Brooke rushed to the front of the store. She walked to the counter and began opening drawers, muttering under her breath.

"Aunt Brooke?"

Brooke glanced up, seeing Sawyer, Peyton, Quinn, and Megan's expectant faces. She smiled.

"She's getting dressed, and I'm trying to find—How did we never tell her?"  
"Tell her what?"

Brooke looked back up, pointing to Peyton.

"Especially you. This is your fault. You're the music girl."  
"Brooke, what the hell are you talking about?"

Brooke turned around, opening another drawer, pushing the contents around, then sighing as she laid her hands on the counter. She looked up, clapping her hands together, and rushed towards the back of the store. She came back with a poster in her hand, shaking it before holding it out. Peyton and Quinn looked at it, and Sawyer sat up in her seat.

"Haley James? Hey, isn't that … that's Aunt Haley. That's Lydia's mom and Chris freakin' Keller!"

Peyton and Quinn exchanged a glance, then looked to Brooke, who nodded. Peyton sat beside Sawyer, running her hand along the edge of the poster.

"We never told you about this?"

Sawyer looked at her mother and shook her head.

"No, not … Not ever. Did they put out any songs?"

Quinn nodded as she smiled, and Brooke took in a breath, going back to her office. A little while later, she came out, holding a CD in her hands.

"Ha! I knew I had one somewhere!"

Quinn smiled.

"Is that…?"

Brooke nodded.

"Yep. She made it for me when we were juniors. Back when we shared that apartment, after … Well, you know."

Peyton and Quinn nodded, and Quinn took the CD from Brooke's hand. She swallowed, a sad smile crossing her face.

"This is Haley's handwriting. 'To B. Davis, Rock on. –Tutor Girl.'"  
"Tutor Girl?"

Brooke smiled at Sawyer.

"I had a thing with nicknames back then."

Peyton snorted, and Brooke leaned over to slap her shoulder, making Peyton laugh. Sawyer smiled at them, then looked down at her phone.

"Lyd's been back there for a while. I think I'm going to go check on her."

Quinn nodded, and when Sawyer was out of earshot, she looked to Brooke.

"Did you talk to her?"  
"A little."  
"She didn't even realize she was crying, did she?"

Brooke sighed.

"Not for a few minutes."

Quinn closed her eyes as she crossed her arms. Peyton let out a sigh.

"Did she say anything was wrong?"

Brooke looked down at the poster, back to the CD in her hand.

"She wishes Haley could be here."

Peyton shut her eyes, leaning back on the chair.

"Oh my god. We didn't even …"

Quinn let out a laugh, looking up as tears filled her eyes.

"I don't know what to do anymore."  
"Honey, you're doing everything you can."

Quinn looked over to Brooke, then back to Peyton.

"Yeah, you're taking her to a therapist. You've made it known that she could always come to you, or any of us. You can't force her to talk, Q."  
"I know. I just … I'm so worried about her."  
"We all are."

Quinn sighed, reaching to take one of Peyton's hands, and one of Brooke's. They sat like that for a second, until Lydia and Sawyer walked back in the room. Sawyer smiled.

"Guess who decided to take a little catnap in the dressing room?"

Lydia smiled as her cheeks grew red, and the women laughed. Peyton leaned back on the couch.

"You should have come in here, because this couch is super comfy."

Lydia laughed, walking over to sit by her aunt. Peyton handed her the poster.

"Check this out. Brooke had one stashed away back in her office."

Lydia looked down at the paper, reading the headline.

"'On Tour: Chris Keller, featuring Haley—Haley James?'"

Lydia looked up to Quinn, then to Brooke, then to Peyton.

"That's my mom!"  
"Yep."  
"She went on tour?"

Brooke nodded, and Lydia stared at the poster, in awe of how young her mother looked, how right she looked with the guitar in her hand.

"How old was she?"

Peyton looked to Quinn, who smiled.

"She was a junior when she went on tour."  
"That's when she and Daddy got married."

Lydia let her hand come up, fingers ghosting across the poster, tracing the letters of her mother's name. Brooke looked down at the CD in her hands, then cleared her throat. Lydia looked up at her, then down at her hand. Brooke smiled.

"This, uh … This is a CD that your mom made me. There's some on there that she wrote, and some that I just liked to hear her sing, and I think she put the song she and Chris Keller put out, too."

Lydia reached a shaking hand out and took the CD Brooke handed her. Lydia sat back, holding the CD and the poster, not listening while the rest of the crowd chattered on about what they needed to do to get ready for prom. After a minute, Peyton, Quinn, and Sawyer got up to follow Brooke to the back, leaving Lydia alone on the couch. Well, she thought she was alone.

"Lyddie?"

Lydia looked up, and Meg was in front of her, her dark eyes full of worry. Lydia put a smile on her face.

"Hey, kiddo."  
"Are you okay?"

Lydia let out a sigh.

"Yeah. I just …"

She let her sentence trail off in another sigh, and Meg climbed up on the couch beside her. She leaned over, and like she always did, Lydia wrapped an arm around her, pressing a kiss to the top of Meg's head.

"You're sad, Lyddie. Why?"

Lydia looked at the poster and the CD again, then had to look up as tears filled her eyes. She shook her head, feeling Meg wrap her arms around her. Lydia let out a laugh as a tear slid down her cheek, and she rubbed a hand up and down Meg's back.

* * *

"So we're definitely going with silver for you both?"  
"I think so. We can ask, though. Hey, Lyd—"

Sawyer stopped, her mother, Brooke, and Quinn right behind her, when they walked back into the front room of the store. Lydia was lying on the couch, asleep, with her head in Meg's lap as Meg braided, ran her fingers through, or played with her hair. Riley and Ellie were sitting across from them, alternating between drawing and coloring and looking over at Meg and Lydia. Sawyer's shoulders fell, and Peyton stepped up behind her, gently rubbing her back. Brooke stepped over, and Meg looked up at her, giving her a smile, and Brooke laid a hand on her head, then sat beside her.

"She was real tired, Mama."

Brooke nodded, and reached over to run her fingers through Lydia's dark hair. Lydia blinked her eyes open, seeing Brooke and Meg's smiling faces.

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty."

Lydia smiled at Meg's statement.

"Jude calls me that when he catches me sleeping."

Brooke laughed quietly, standing up and giving Lydia her hands to help her sit up. Lydia sighed and stretched her arms, until her phone's text tone sounded. Meg handed the phone to her, and Lydia smiled when she saw the text.

_So how beautiful do you look in the dress?_

Meg was reading the text over Lydia's shoulder, and her mouth fell open as she looked over at her mother.

"Ew. Mama, Jude wants to know how beautiful Lydia looks in her dress."

Brooke, Peyton, Quinn, and Sawyer let out laughs.

"Megan Victoria, what have I told you about snooping?"  
"Oh, come on, Aunt Brooke. It's not like it's a surprise or something."

All eyes turned to Ellie, who shrugged her shoulders.

"Everybody knows that Jude loves Lydia."

Lydia felt her cheeks start to burn, and Riley nodded as she spoke up.

"I don't know why they don't just date."  
"Yeah, they're practically boyfriend and girlfriend, anyway."

Ellie and Riley shared a look and a nod, and Lydia let out a breath. Sawyer caught her eyes and smiled.

"I think Lydia likes him, too."

Lydia closed her eyes, but a smile stayed on her face. Sawyer's mouth opened.

"She does!"

Lydia let out a laugh, bringing her hands up to cover her face.

"Stop it!"

Laughter sounded all around her, and for the first time that day, Lydia didn't feel quite so bad. She let her hands fall back to her sides, and she looked at Sawyer, truly smiling for the first time in a while.

"Jude asked me to go to prom with him."  
"Oh, of course he did."

Sawyer rolled her pretty blue eyes, still smiling, and Lydia went on.

"We're going together, and … not just as best friends."

Sawyer looked back at Lydia, her mouth open. Quinn exchanged a glance with Peyton, and they both looked to Brooke. Sawyer stepped forward.

"Are you … Are you dating Jude?"

Lydia looked down at the ground, then back up to her cousin.

"I think so."

Sawyer squealed, moving to wrap Lydia in her arms.

"It's not like, official or anything. But…"  
"Oh, I am so happy!"

Lydia smiled as she wrapped her arms around Sawyer.

"Lyddie, he wants to know where you want to go for dinner."  
"Okay, seriously, kid? Give me that."

Brooke stood up and took Lydia's phone out of Meg's hand.

"We're going to have a long talk about keeping your nose in your own business."  
"Hey, at least she gets it honestly."

Brooke narrowed her eyes at Peyton, who held up her hands as she laughed. Sawyer stepped back, a smile on her face.

"You're going to dinner with him?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders, taking her phone from Brooke.

"Yeah, he told me he'd pick me up and take me somewhere earlier."

Sawyer laughed, leaning over and slapping Ellie's hand.

"I just _knew_ this would happen! Text him back, tell him to come here and get you."  
"Saw, I—"  
"Or give me the phone. I'll do it."

Sawyer took the phone from Lydia's hand, typing as Peyton spoke.

"Sawyer Brooke Scott, I know I'm not seeing what I'm seeing."  
"Too late; it's done."

Sawyer smiled as she handed the phone back to Lydia, who just rolled her eyes. Brooke stood up, a smile on her face.

"I might have something you can change into back here, if you want."

Lydia looked over and smiled, and Brooke led her to the back. Sawyer walked over, taking a seat beside her mother.

"This is good, right, Mama? Did you see her smiling?"

Peyton ran her hand over Sawyer's curls.

"Yeah, honey, I did. And I think … I think this will be good. You think so, Quinn?"

Peyton looked over, and Quinn sighed.

"I really hope so."

Sawyer stood up, walking over to Riley and Ellie, and Meg followed close behind. Quinn leaned over, whispering to Peyton where the girls couldn't hear.

"He sneaks over every night."  
"What?"

Quinn shushed Peyton, looking at the girls, making sure none of them heard. She whispered again.

"Jude. Clay watches him leave every night."  
"Wait a minute. Are you telling me that—"  
"Jude sneaks over to our house every night, climbs the tree outside Lydia's bedroom."

Peyton let out a laugh.

"Well, wow."  
"Nate used to do that with Haley. Not every night, but Mom and Dad would just laugh about it. When he came over to ask them if he could marry her, Haley said that both Mom and Dad asked him if he was able to find the front door, or if he just climbed into Hales' room again."

Peyton laughed.

"So… Do you think they're…?"

Quinn sighed.

"I don't know. I don't think so. Actually, I really doubt it. No. No, I don't think they are."  
"But they're sixteen years old. You don't have to slide into home to hit a home run, if you know what I mean."  
"Dear God, Peyton. Please don't go there."

Peyton laughed again, and Sawyer glanced over at her.

"What's so funny, Mom?"

Peyton and Quinn exchanged a look, then laughed again. Brooke poked her head into the room.

"Girls, I hope you're ready for this."

Everyone moved to look at where Brooke was standing, and she stepped through the doorway, holding out her arm. Lydia followed her, standing before them in a soft yellow sleeveless dress. Brooke had fixed her hair where it was in a ballerina bun on the top of her head, and she wore white ballet flats. Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"I told her I usually wear heels, because I'm so short and Jude is so tall, but… I like these."

Everyone just blinked, until Meg walked over, standing in front of Lydia.

"You are so pretty."

Lydia smiled a soft smile, reaching out and running her finger down Meg's nose.

"You're the pretty one."

Quinn and Peyton exchanged a glance, and Brooke closed her eyes. Sawyer let out a shaky breath as she turned to look at the wall, and Ellie reached up to take her sister's hand. Riley stared at her paper, and they all turned around when they heard the bell on the front door jingle.

"Mom? You got the 'Closed' sign up and the door unlocked. We've talked about this. … Ma, where are you?"

Brooke winked at Lydia, and the other women smiled. Meg walked into the other section of the store.

"Hey, big guy."  
"Hey there, squirt. Where's Mom at?"  
"Over here. Just wait till you see."  
"See what?"

Meg took Jude's hand, dragging him behind her, away from the main floor of the store.

"Close your eyes."  
"Meg, I can't see where I'm going if I close my eyes."  
"Just close them!"

Jude sighed, but did as she asked.

"Don't let me—Ow! Damn it, Megan."  
"Watch your mouth."  
"Mom?"

Jude rubbed his knee, which he'd rammed into a table Meg forgot to warn him about. Brooke stepped forward, taking Jude's chin in her hand.

"After I finish with your nosy little sister, we'll have a talk about your potty mouth."

Jude sighed.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

Brooke and Meg exchanged a smile, and Brooke nodded. Meg smiled.

"Okay, open!"

Jude opened his eyes, looking to the couch.

"Oh, hey Quinn. Aunt Peyton."  
"Hi, Jude."

He started to make his way around the room, waving to Ellie and riley, who returned his waves, and his eyes widened when he looked at who was standing in the middle of the room.

"Lydia."

She smiled, clasping her hands together behind her back.

"Hey, Jude.

He swallowed as he stepped over to her, looking her up and down. Her cheeks grew red, and he smiled.

"You look incredible."  
"Gross."

Quinn and Peyton burst out laughing, while Brooke clamped a hand over Meg's mouth.

"So sorry."

Lydia smiled, and Jude reached out, taking one of her hands. Peyton, Sawyer, Quinn, and Brooke watched as he did, and saw how Lydia seemed to physically relax, like some of the weight was taken from her shoulders, and she leaned closer to him. Sawyer and Quinn had to look away when Jude leaned over, gently kissing the top of Lydia's head. Brooke blinked back tears as she stepped up.

"Okay, you two. Get out of here."

Jude held up a hand.

"Okay, just … wait a second. Why does this feel weird?"  
"What? You holding Lydia's hand?"

Jude and Lydia both looked down, like they hadn't even realized. They looked back at each other, and Sawyer crossed her arms over her chest. Jude narrowed his eyes at her.

"What did you do?"

Sawyer blinked her eyes, laying a hand over her heart.

"Me? I didn't do anything. Meg was the one who read the text."  
"Oh, sure. Blame it on the eleven-year-old."

Meg rolled her eyes, while Brooke let out a laugh. Jude smiled at his little sister, then looked back to Sawyer.

"Wait, what text?"

Sawyer looked over to Meg, and Jude followed her. Meg stared at a spot on the floor.

"Megan? What text?"

Meg shrugged her shoulders, and Jude looked to Lydia, who smiled.

"She saw the one where you asked what I looked like in my dress."  
"But it's not like it was shocking or anything. We all know how much you guys _love _each other."

Ellie and Riley giggled at that, and Sawyer leaned back to gently slap her sister's shoulder. The blush raged on Lydia's cheeks, until Jude reached under her chin, tipping her face up. She sighed.

"I told them that we're going to prom."  
"Not just as friends going to prom, but that you're actually _going_ to prom. Together."

Jude looked over to Sawyer, who was unable to hide her smile. Quinn and Peyton bumped shoulders on the couch, both wearing wide smiles. Jude ran his tongue along his teeth and nodded.

"So, I guess … I guess this would be a good time, huh?"  
"A good time for what?"

Lydia looked up at Jude, and he looked around the room, smiling.

"To ask, officially, if you'd be my girlfriend. I mean, that's what they're all hinting at, right? Vultures."

They all laughed, and Lydia stared up at him. Jude smiled.

"And I'm sort of hoping you won't be able to say no in front of freaking everyone."

They laughed again, and Meg reached up to take her mother's hand. Brooke smiled, giving her a squeeze. Lydia glanced around, catching Sawyer's eyes, smiling as Sawyer mouthed _Say yes! _She looked to Quinn, who smiled and shrugged her shoulders. She looked back to Jude, his dark eyes warm as he searched hers.

She wished she could tell him no. She wished he could just smile at her and walk away, but she knew that would never happen. She wished he could say those words to anyone else, because anyone would be better for him than she was. He deserved so much more. But she was selfish, and she needed him so much more than she should be able to. She tried to pull up a genuine smile, because Jude was so good at telling when she forced them. She nodded, speaking quietly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I will."

Jude smiled, letting out a laugh. Sawyer covered her mouth to hide her squeal, and Jude looked over at his mom and his sister.

"Hey, Meg? Shut your eyes."

She cocked her head to the side, and Jude reached up to take Lydia's face in his hands, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

"Oh, gross! I'm going to throw up!"

Jude and Lydia laughed, as did everyone else in the room. Jude pulled Lydia close, wrapped his arms around her.

"Couldn't help it. And I tried to warn you."

Meg stuck her tongue out at Jude, and he laughed again, tightening his arms around his girlfriend. God, that felt good to say. He smiled, moving to kiss the top of her head again. And that was when he felt it, the feel of her arms around him, how tight her grip was. He closed his eyes for a second, then opened them, gently rubbing his hand down Lydia's back. She loosened her grip on him, moving to stand beside him. Jude grinned at Brooke.

"Guess we better get out of here if we want any food."

He looked back to Quinn.

"I'll bring her home."  
"Not too late. It is a school night, you know."

Jude nodded, waving to the girls and Peyton as he held Lydia's hand, leading her out to his car. Once the bell rang above the door to the shop, Sawyer threw her hands into the air.

"Yes!"

Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Finally."

They laughed, and Quinn stood up.

"Riles, go grab your stuff. We need to get home and do something for dinner for your dad and your brother."  
"Yeah, Scott girls need to do the same. Daddy was in charge of supper tonight."

Sawyer and Ellie groaned, and Peyton and Brooke laughed. The girls grabbed their things, hugged Brooke and Meg, and soon, they were the only two left in the store. Brooke walked around, shutting off the lights and putting little things away. She walked to the main floor of the store, and Meg was sitting up on the counter. Brooke let out a laugh.

"How'd you get up there?"

Meg shrugged her shoulders, smiling at her mom.

"It's a secret."  
"Little acrobat."

Brooke ran a hand over Meg's hair, and Meg sighed. Brooke shut off the lights in the back, then picked up her purse as she walked over to her daughter.

"What's on your mind, my little beauty?"

Meg smiled, then looked down as she dangled her legs off of the counter.

"Do you know why Lyddie's so sad?"

Brooke stopped digging through her purse and looked over at Meg.

"What makes you think that she's sad?"

Meg shrugged her shoulders.

"I can just tell. And when I tried to ask her what was wrong, she just started crying."

Brooke let out a sigh, moving closer to Meg.

"Sometimes … Sometimes people just get sad."  
"Is there some way to make her happy again?"  
"We're trying to figure that out."

Meg nodded, and Brooke helped her down from the counter. She held onto her hand as they started out of the store.

"I hope you figure it out soon. It makes me sad that she's sad."  
"I hope so too, love bug."

Meg climbed in the car, and Brooke shut the door behind her, letting out a sigh.

"I hope so, too."


	17. Chapter 16

_SIXTEEN_

Lydia was quiet on the ride to the restaurant, and while they ate. Jude talked, kept up a steady stream of conversation, but it was kind of one-sided. He kept hold of her hand, until he absolutely couldn't anymore, since Lydia was left-handed and needed hers to operate her utensils.

He took hold of her hand again as they walked out of the restaurant. He held their box of leftovers in one hand, and the hand of his girlfriend in the other. He couldn't stop smiling every time he thought about that. He knew he must look like a complete nerd, but he just couldn't help it. He walked around to Lydia's door, setting the food on the hood of his car.

"Hey, hang on. Can I just—"

Lydia looked up at him, and he wrapped her up in his arms. She closed her eyes, letting out a long sigh, letting her arms come around him, gripping tightly for a few seconds before one of her hands moved up through his hair. Jude closed his eyes as well.

"You okay?"  
"Little better now."

He tightened his arms around her, as she turned her head, making him shiver when he felt her breath on his neck. He moved his hand up, looking at his watch, then set it back, low on Lydia's waist.

"Do you want to go somewhere? It's not even eight yet."

She nodded, and he smiled, leaning to press a kiss to her cheek. He opened the door for her, closing it behind her before he walked to his side. He drove them down the streets of Tree Hill, stopping and parking the car, looking over to Lydia. She leaned her head back against the seat, turning to look at him with a smile. He winked at her, and they climbed out of the car. He wrapped an arm around her waist until they reached their destination. Lydia smiled as she walked around, smoothing her dress under her as she sat on the swing. Jude took hold of the chains, pulling her back, and stopping.

"Hey."

She leaned her head back to look at him, and he moved down, catching her lips in a deep kiss. He pulled back, smiling.

"That's the perfect position."

Lydia laughed, and Jude gently gave her a push. He pushed her for a while, neither of them saying anything, and Lydia was watching the stars through the trees. During a particularly quiet stretch, she gasped.

"Look!"

Jude looked up, just in time to see a shooting star.

"Hey. Make a wish."

Lydia closed her eyes, and when Jude pulled her back, she moved her finger to touch his arm. He stopped, looking down at her with a smile.

"Did you make a wish?"

He grinned at her.

"Nah. Why should I, when I've got everything I need right here?"

He bent down, pressing his lips to hers again, and she sighed.

"You're too good to me, Jude."

He let go of the chains, walking around to face her, kneeling and setting his hands on her knees. She jumped when he did, giving him a little smile.

"Your hands are warm."  
"Oh, are you cold?"

Lydia brought her eyes to his.

"I'm always cold these days."

Jude stood up, shrugging his button-up off, leaving himself in only a white t-shirt. He draped the button-up over Lydia's shoulders and she sighed.

"You should have told me, babe."

She shrugged her shoulders, and Jude reached up, taking her hands, tangling his fingers with hers.

"What's up?"

Lydia sighed.

"It's just … It's been a day, you know? I don't even know why. I couldn't tell you why. It just … It was so hard to get out of bed this morning, and ever since then, all I've wanted to do was crawl back in."  
"Yeah, I knew something was up at school."

Lydia nodded.

"You make me feel better. Being around you, feeling you hold me. That makes me feel better, and I couldn't tell you why there, either."

Jude smiled, running his thumb up and down the side of her finger.

"But Jude … Putting that dress on was so bad."  
"Why?"

She looked down at him, blinking the tears away from her eyes. She shook her head, and Jude stood up, pulling her to her feet. He tucked her under his arm, and they walked across the playground. Lydia smiled when she saw where he was going, and he winked at her as he lay down on the merry-go-round, his feet dangling off the edge. She lay down beside him, rolling as close as she could, laying her head on his chest. Jude began to move them around, in a slow, slow circle, and Lydia sighed.

"Tell me about the dress, Lyd."

She sighed again, closing her eyes.

"It was a bad day to begin with. I didn't want to do anything, much less try on a dress. But Sawyer was so excited, and I didn't want to disappoint her, so I went. The dress …"

She shook her head, and Jude ran his hand up and down her arm.

"What?"

She sighed.

"I lost some weight since the last time I had the dress on, and it … You should have seen the looks on Peyton and Quinn's faces. Sawyer, too. But Meg … she told me I looked beautiful."  
"Well, she gets her intelligence from me."

Lydia smiled.

"And your mom… She just smiled and said that everything would be fine. She pinned the dress up and said she could take it up and it would fit perfectly."  
"That's good, honey."

Lydia nodded.

"Jude … All I could think about was my mom. She should be here to help me get ready for prom."

Jude closed his eyes, letting out a long sigh.

"Babe, I'm so sorry. I didn't even—"  
"No, it's okay. Aunt Brooke helped."

Jude sighed again, pulling her closer to him, and she let out a breath.

"Did you know my mom was a singer?"  
"I did not know that."  
"Yeah. She went on tour her junior year of high school."  
"Really?"

Lydia nodded.

"With Chris Keller."  
"_The_ Chris Keller?"  
"The one and only."

Jude sat up.

"You're serious?"

Lydia nodded, pushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yep. Aunt Peyton and Quinn corroborated Aunt Brooke's story. And then Brooke found … She gave me a CD that my mom made her. Songs that she sang."  
"Whoa."

Lydia nodded, looking down at the painted section they were sitting in. Jude stopped the motion, looking over at her.

"Have you listened to it yet?"

Lydia shook her head.

"No, I … It's so crazy, but I'm scared to."  
"What are you scared of?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders, still looking down. Jude reached over and tipped her face up. She shook her head, shrugging her shoulders again.

"I don't know."  
"Do you want me to listen to it with you?"  
"Would you?"

Jude smiled.

"Do you even have to ask?"

Lydia smiled a little then, and Jude helped her to her feet. They got back in the car, and Lydia pulled the CD from her purse. She held it in her hands, ran her fingers over the cover, tracing the letters of the dedication. Jude looked over at her as he lowered the volume on the radio.

"Do you want to listen to it in here?"

Lydia shook her head.

"No, I … It's weird, I know."  
"It's not, I swear. We'll wait until we get to your house."

The drive was quiet to the Scott house, and Jude felt uncomfortable there for the first time in his life as he walked inside and felt the intensity of Clay's stare. As Lydia took his hand and led Jude up the stairs, Quinn walked up and smacked the back of Clay's head. He let a hand come up, gently rubbing.

"Ow! What was that for?"  
"Seriously? What is wrong with you?"

Clay shrugged his shoulders.

"I just … He's dating our girl. I don't know, I thought it was what I was supposed to do."

Quinn rolled her eyes, taking his hand and dragging him back to the kitchen.

* * *

Lydia sat on her bed, just staring down at the CD. Jude sat beside her, one arm around her, gently running his fingers up and down her bare arm. She finally let out a sigh and looked over to him. He gave her a smile.

"You ready?"

She let out another breath.

"I really don't think so."  
"I'm right here, babe. Not going anywhere."

Lydia nodded, and Jude stood up. He held out his hand, and Lydia just looked at it for a while, back to her CD, and finally, with shaking hands, she opened the case and handed the purple CD to Jude. On the inside of the case was a track listing, written in the same script as the dedication on the front of the case.

"Look."

Jude looked back to Lydia, smiling when he saw the track listing.

"Awesome. Now we'll know what we're listening to."

Lydia nodded. Jude set the CD in her stereo, and Lydia closed her eyes. She was breathing hard, wishing she'd taken another one of those pills. She felt a hand on her neck, and she opened her eyes, looking up and meeting Jude's eyes. He bent down, gently pressing his lips to hers. He pulled back, running his thumb along her cheekbone before he sat beside her again, settling as close to her as he could. Her stereo had a remote control, and he held that in his hand.

"You ready?"

Lydia closed her eyes, breathing hard, and nodded.

"This one's called _Halo._"

Lydia nodded again, and Jude pressed a kiss to her temple, then pressed "Play." The singing started right away, as soon as the music did. Lydia's eyes flew open, suddenly full of tears, and she let out a shocked sob.

"That's my mom. Jude, that's—"  
"I know, baby. It's okay."

She let out another sob, leaning over and crying hard as Jude wrapped his arms around her. She went off of the bed, falling to her knees on the floor, and Jude went with her, holding her, stroking her hair. She reached over, gripping the sleeve of his white t-shirt, and bent over to where her ear was right over his heart. He ran his fingers through her hair, holding her close to him, and the song came to a close. Lydia looked up at the stereo, tears sliding down her cheeks. The next song began, Haley's soft voice ringing out again. Jude looked over at the stereo.

"Hey, I've heard this one. Not your mom's version, but I know this song. It's _Where The Stars Go Blue_."

Soon, a familiar voice rang out, and Lydia looked back to Jude.

"That's Chris Keller."

He nodded, and she looked back to the stereo. He moved one of his legs, pulling her back to his chest, and she relaxed against him, tears still traveling down her face. This song wasn't quite so hard on her, and she was able to talk, even though she was still crying.

"Her voice is beautiful."  
"It is."  
"It's soft. Gentle."

Jude nodded, running his fingers through her hair.

"You kind of sound like her when you sing."  
"You think so?"

He nodded again.

"I love to hear you sing."

She turned her head, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you, Lydia."

She let her eyes drift close, feeling a fresh pain in her heart every time her mother's voice came through the speakers. Halfway through the song, she whimpered and turned around.

"Jude."  
"I'm right here."

She put her face in his chest, then moved to put her forehead in his neck. He held a hand to the back of her head, wrapping the other around her waist, and she sobbed. He laid back on the floor, bringing her with him. They listened to the entire CD that way, Lydia crying out when she couldn't hold it in anymore, Jude just holding her and stroking her hair, whispering to her in between songs. As Haley's version of _Behind These Hazel Eyes_ came to an end, Lydia let out a sigh. She sat up though, as she heard her mother's voice.

"_All right, Brooke. There you go. I made this CD for you as a … a kind of thank you for putting up with me through all of this. You've been a really great friend, and I'm lucky to have you. Hope you like it. And hey, maybe one day our kids will listen to it. How weird will that be? You can tell them how cool their mom/Aunt Haley is. Oh, who am I kidding? They'll already know. Love you, Brooke."_

Lydia curled her knees up, pillowing her arms on them, burying her face in her arms. Jude reached for her and picked her up, laying her on the bed as he lay beside her. She curled into him, letting out a long, shuddering sigh.

"I just want to listen to it over and over again. I want to keep hearing her voice."  
"We can, babe. We can listen to it as much as you want."

Lydia nodded, then sighed.

"You better go. It's getting kind of late, and Quinn or Clay will be up here soon."  
"Speaking of, what was with Clay tonight?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't notice."

Jude nodded, noticing how tightly Lydia gripped his shirt. He kissed her forehead.

"You gonna be okay?"

Lydia gave him a smile and nodded. He leaned over, bending to kiss her lips. She let her hand come up into his hair, stroking the hair just above his neck. He pulled back from her mouth, letting out a quiet moan, making her smile.

"Did I find a spot?"

Jude laughed quietly, letting it trail off into another moan as he nodded.

"But it's okay, because I know…"

Lydia gasped as his warm hands touched the small of her back.

"_Jude_."  
"There it is."

He grinned as he leaned over, kissing her again.

"I love you."  
"I know."

He kissed her once more, then crawled out of her bed.

"Sweet dreams, Lydia."

She kept her eyes closed, listening as he walked down the stairs and out the door. She heard his car start up and she opened her eyes, opening the drawer in the table by her bed. She pulled out the book, an old copy of _Little Women._ She flipped to Chapter 13, which was hollowed out, and pulled out the little baggie that held the pills. She took one out and swallowed it dry, walking to the bathroom to drink a little water with it. On the way back to her bed, she re-started the CD. She changed into her pajamas while she listened to the first song, then restarted it as she climbed under the covers. Her mother's voice rang out, in words that perfectly fit her relationship with Jude.

"_One thing is clear, I wear a halo. I wear a halo when you look at me. Standing from here, you wouldn't say so. You wouldn't say so if you were me. And I, I just want to love you. Oh, I just want to love you."_

Lydia closed her eyes as the words washed over her, as the pill began to kick in. She wanted to love Jude, more than anything. She couldn't understand why she couldn't just bring herself to do so. He certainly put her up on a pedestal, and she was so afraid that she'd fall off, disappoint him in some way. Then he'd leave her, the same way everyone else had her entire life. She didn't know what she'd do if that ever happened. But at the same time, she did.

She closed her eyes, willing the pill to kick in, to stop the thoughts that were churning through her mind.

Thoughts that said she'd end up exactly like her mother.

* * *

Lydia stared out the window, watching fat bumblebees buzz around the roses. The roses outside her ... no. She hated to think that way, and she refused to refer to Jenny as her ... you know. The ticking of the clock was the only sound in the room, aside from the breathing. Jenny let out a sigh, leaning back in her chair.

"So prom's tomorrow, right?"

Lydia brought her eyes to her—_ugh_—therapist, and nodded. Jenny smiled.

"You excited?"

Lydia gave a soft smile, then shook her head.

"Not … not really."  
"Why not?"

Lydia sighed.

"I don't know."

She looked down at her hands, twisting her fingers together. She sighed, and looked out the window, letting a smile cross her face. Jenny watched, not saying anything, looking down at her notepad, and after a minute, Lydia spoke.

"Butterflies."

Jenny looked up, and Lydia was still staring out the window.

"What?"  
"Butterflies. Butterflies always remind Aunt Quinn of my mom."

Jenny smiled.

"What reminds you of your mom?"

Lydia snorted.

"Nothing. Not a single thing reminds me of her. I was one when she killed herself."

Jenny blinked, at the almost casual way Lydia said that. She wrote a little on her notepad, and Lydia looked over at her.

"It's weird."

Jenny looked up, meeting Lydia's eyes again.

"What is?"

Lydia leaned forward, setting her forearms on her knees.

"Basketballs always remind me of my dad. Little ones, big ones, even stuffed ones. I found a stuffed basketball one time when I was little, and I slept with it for years. Mainly because it reminded me of my dad."

She sat back, glancing back out the window as she spoke quietly.

"I was a year old when he died. I can't remember a single thing about him. All I know is what people have told me. But every time I see a basketball, I think of him."

She looked over to Jenny, tears filling her eyes.

"Why is that? Why is it that basketballs make me think of a dad I can't remember, but nothing even remotely makes me think of my mother? I don't … I don't understand that."

Jenny let out a breath, and Lydia looked back out the window.

"Books make me think of Uncle Lucas. Not just his books, but any in particular. Music reminds me of Aunt Peyton. Pictures make me think of Quinn, and sports—any sport at all—makes me think of Clay. Classic cars make me think of Logan, because he loves them; art makes me think of Riley, because she's such an incredible artist. Sunshine makes me think of Jude. Movies remind me of Davis. And Julian, even though I haven't seen him in years. Dancing reminds me of Megan. I associate clothes with Aunt Brooke. When I see the beach, I think of Aunt Karen, Uncle Lucas' mom. TV and radio announcers remind me of Mouth and Millie, and they've been gone for years. Summertime makes me think of Sawyer, and when I think of laughing, I think of Ellie."

She leaned forward again, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"How is it that I associate things with all of those people, some that I haven't seen since I was little, and nothing at all makes me think of my own mother?"

She took in a shaky breath, and Jenny looked down at the ground.

"Jamie."

Lydia's voice was quiet, and Jenny looked back over at her.

"Jamie?"

Lydia nodded.

"My brother. He, uh … He makes me think of my parents."  
"Why is that? What about him makes you think of them?"

Lydia looked up, meeting Jenny's eyes, a small smile on her face.

"He left."

Jenny opened her mouth, letting out a long sigh and closing it again. Lydia looked back out the window, wiping a tear away.

"People always leave."


	18. Chapter 17

_SEVENTEEN_

Lydia let her head fall back, letting her breath out in a sigh as the massage chair worked out the kinks in her back, while the warm water swirled around her feet. Sawyer took a sip of her frozen coffee, sighing as her own massage chair rolled up and down her back. She smiled when Lydia's eyes opened, glancing over at her before a smile spread across her face.

"Pedicures. Brilliant idea, right?"

Lydia laughed.

"One of the best you've ever had."

Both girls let out a groan as the chairs hit a particularly tough spot. Lydia closed her eyes again, a small smile playing on her face. She'd taken one of the pills as soon as she'd woken up, and she was feeling damn near perfect right now. Prom was that night. Brooke had finished their dresses, even holding one last fitting for them. Lydia's dress didn't look quite so bad anymore, since Brooke had taken it up for her. She was still thin, much too thin if she was honest with herself, but she just couldn't bring herself to care about it. Sawyer had ordered silver strappy heels for both of them, and they'd worn them as soon as they got out of class every day this week. Jude still hadn't seen the dress, or the shoes, but he would tonight.

Jude. A smile crossed Lydia's face. Her boyfriend. She tried to ignore the thoughts that rose up in her mind, of how she wasn't good enough for him, how he deserved someone so much better than her. She knew it, but she was selfish. She was only hurting Jude, holding him back, and as long as he didn't realize it, everything would be okay. Of course, he'd come to his senses soon, and she'd be alone, but until then…

"Earth to Lydia."

She blinked her eyes, looking over to Sawyer, who smiled.

"Your cappuccino's probably cold."

Lydia smiled.

"I'm almost done with it."

Sawyer smiled, looking again at the pale pink polish she'd chosen, that almost perfectly matched her dress. Lydia was going with the same color, because the pale pink would complement the turquoise of her dress. Sawyer pushed her sunglasses back on top of her head, through the riotous curls. She leaned her head back as she looked over at Lydia.

"How are you doing your hair again?"

Lydia finished off her cappuccino and set the cup aside.

"Quinn and I decided to just roll it with hot rollers, let the curls settle, and leave it down. You're putting yours up, right?"

Sawyer nodded.

"Yeah, Aunt Brooke's coming over and helping me with the hair and makeup and all."

Lydia nodded.

"Quinn's doing all of mine."

Sawyer nodded, then reached out her hand. Lydia smiled, reaching out to slip her hand in Sawyer's.

"You're okay, right, Lyd?"

Lydia blinked, and Sawyer sighed.

"I just … I've been worried about you for a while, but you seem better."

Lydia smiled, hoping that it seemed normal, instead of forced.

"Yeah, Saw. I'm better. Just a rough patch, you know?"

Sawyer smiled and nodded, squeezing her best friend's hand.

"I can't believe our first prom is tonight! And I can't believe that we're going with our boyfriends."

Lydia smiled.

"Me either."

She turned her head away from Sawyer, letting the smile fall away, letting out a shaky breath through her teeth.

* * *

Lydia sat at the bench of her vanity, eyes closed as Quinn's fingers gently moved through her wet hair. Her head was hurting, and she was so damn thirsty. She tensed up as Quinn's fingers rolled over a particularly sensitive spot on her head, and Quinn stopped.

"Honey?"

Lydia opened her eyes, looking into the mirror, meeting Quinn's gaze.

"You okay?"

Lydia nodded.

"I just have a little headache."

Quinn nodded.

"You want something for it?"

Lydia thought about it, but she knew taking an aspirin or something wouldn't touch this. She thought of the little pills she had hidden around her room, a little bit of worry crossing her mind. This time, it had worn off faster than usual. She glanced at the mirror, at Quinn's waiting expression, and she put a smile on her face.

"No, I'm okay."

Quinn smiled, running a hand over Lydia's hair, adding some more of whatever product she'd been putting in. Lydia actually dozed off a little, while Quinn dried and set her hair in rollers. Quinn smiled, gently running her finger down Lydia's nose.

"Sleepy. Wake up, sleepyhead."

Lydia blinked her eyes open and saw Quinn's grin. Her cheeks flushed and she tightened her bathrobe around her.

"I'm so thirsty."  
"Well, let's hop down to the kitchen before we get started on Phase 2."

Lydia smiled, standing up as Quinn walked out of the bathroom. She gripped the counter suddenly, as a wave of nausea hit her. She shut her eyes tight, until she heard the footsteps behind her.

"Lyd? Honey, are you okay?"

Lydia let out a breath, then turned to face Quinn with a smile.

"Yeah. Just a little lightheaded. Got up too fast."  
"Well, be careful, goober."

Lydia let out a laugh, following Quinn down the stairs. She drank three glasses of water before she'd even realized it, and slid a piece of ice into her mouth, rolling it around as Riley and Clay walked in from the garden. Clay stopped in front of Lydia, looking her up and down.

"Now, Little Scott, you know that I think you're beautiful. And I know tonight's prom, and styles have changed a bit since my day, but honey … I'm not so sure about this outfit."

Lydia reached out, pushing Clay's shoulder with a laugh.

"You're so funny, Uncle Clay. Really, you should quit your job and be a comedian."  
"Hey, I am funny, thank you very much. Right?"

Clay looked down to Riley, who pursed her lips together as she looked up at him, then shook her head. Clay sighed.

"All these girls in this house. I'm outnumbered. Stupid boys, going to hang out with their stupid friends and the stupid NBA, leaving me here in Estrogen Land."

Quinn, Lydia, and Riley laughed. Quinn walked over and pressed a kiss to Clay's cheek, and Lydia turned to look out the window, laying a hand against her stomach. She reached for her glass, drinking the rest of her fourth glass of water, taking another piece of ice in her mouth. Quinn walked up and laid a hand on Lydia's head, and they walked back upstairs.

* * *

"Okay. That should do it. One more …"

Quinn picked up the hairspray, spritzing Lydia's hair one last time. She stepped in front of her, fluffing the curls on her shoulder one more time before she stepped back.

"Oh, baby. You are a knockout!"

Lydia smiled, and Quinn nodded at her. Lydia turned around, looking at herself in the mirror. Her dark hair, the color of milk chocolate, waved gently around her face, curling over her shoulders, above the top of her strapless dress. The turquoise color set off her lightly tanned skin, and made her dark blue eyes seem bright. Quinn had given her smoky eyes, making her eyelashes seem to go on forever, and paired it with a pale pink lipstick. Lydia blinked her eyes, turning her head.

"Oh, I almost forgot."

Quinn stepped out of the room, leaving Lydia alone to look at herself. She closed her eyes, laying a hand on her stomach as she let out a shaky breath. She could do this. She could get through this one night without the pills. She glanced back at her nightstand, where she knew the pills were, hidden away in her book. She let out another breath, turning back to the mirror. She didn't look a thing like herself, which she thought was a good thing. Quinn came back into the room, popping open a velvet box.

"These were your mom's. I know she'd want you to wear them, if you want."

Lydia stared at the beautiful earrings, which had to be diamonds. She looked up to Quinn, who smiled.

"They'd look fabulous with this dress. You're responsible, and I know you'll take care of them."

Lydia couldn't speak, but she nodded. Quinn smiled, gently moving Lydia's hair aside and sliding the diamond studs in her ears. Lydia reached her hands up, gently running her fingers along the earrings, and Quinn stepped back, smiling wide.

"Beautiful. Oh, honey."

Tears sparkled in Quinn's eyes, and Lydia gave her a smile.

"Thank you, Aunt Quinn."

Quinn took Lydia in her arms, running a hand over her hair.

"I want you to have fun tonight, but I want you to be safe, okay?"

Lydia smiled and nodded.

"Don't take a drink from anyone. Get your own. Don't go anywhere by yourself. Take Sawyer if you need to go to the bathroom, or get Jude to go with you if you need some air. And—"  
"I won't talk to strangers and I'll look both ways before I cross the street. Aunt Quinn."

Lydia put her arms on Quinn's shoulders and smiled.

"I'll be careful, I promise."

Quinn nodded and sighed, then hugged Lydia again.

"I know you will."

Quinn leaned back, fixing one of Lydia's curls.

"But you're the only Lydia I've got, and I need you, okay? Just … just keep that in mind."

Lydia blinked at her, swallowing as the words rolled through her head. She gave Quinn a small smile, missing the way that Quinn's smile faded before she put it back on her face. Quinn nodded, running a hand over Lydia's shoulder.

"Well, come on. I know Clay's dying to see you. You know how he is with the camera."

Lydia smiled. Clay was a stickler for taking pictures. They had tons of photo albums, all thanks to Clay. She stood at the top of the stairs while Quinn went down. Lydia heard the door open, and knew that Jude must have arrived. Lydia glanced back at her room, seeing the clock on her bedside table.

And the book.

She sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head. She didn't need it. Just one night. She could get through this one night. And behind those closed eyes, she saw Quinn's face, her sad eyes. She saw Sawyer's face from earlier, how worried she was. And Jude, always Jude. Worrying about her, loving her, even though she didn't deserve it. Lydia closed her eyes and gripped the bannister, doing her best to fight off the wave of nausea that hit her suddenly. And damn it, her head hurt. She glanced back at her room, giving a burning stare to the secretly hollowed-out book.

* * *

Jude blushed as Quinn fussed over him, how good he looked in his tux. Clay stood behind her with a camera, snapping pictures while grinning like an idiot. Jude always found that funny. Quinn was a photographer, made her living taking pictures. But when it came to their family, Clay was the one behind the camera. Always had been, as far back as Jude could remember.

"Jude Baker! Looking good, son!"

Jude shook his head, glancing over to see Riley smiling at him, holding an iPad in her hands. Jamie Scott's face was smiling at him, from what looked like a locker room. Jude held up a hand.

"Hey, Jamie."  
"Hey, Riles?"

Riley turned the iPad around, where she was facing Jamie.

"Hand me to Jude."

Riley rolled her eyes, handing Jude the iPad, and he looked at it with a smile. Jamie's face was serious, and Jude let his smile fade.

"Do we need to have a talk, Baker?"

Quinn choked back a laugh, pretending to busy herself with Clay. Jude cleared his throat.

"Nah, Jamie. We—we're good."  
"I sure as hell hope so. Because that's my baby sister, and I swear to God…"  
"Jamie, seriously?"

Riley walked over and took the iPad out of Jude's hands.

"Dude, he's been in love with her since they could, like, walk."  
"Hey, it's his duty as a big brother to put the fear of God into anyone who wants to date his little sister. Logan will do the same thing with you. When you're like, thirty. Or forty."  
"Dad!"

Quinn laughed, running a hand on the back of Clay's neck. Clay handed her the camera as he kissed her cheek, then walked over to Jude, smoothing the lapels of his jacket and pretending to straighten his tie.

"It's also my duty, as her father figure, to warn you that if you do anything to hurt my girl, I will rip out your lungs and feed them to you, you got it?"

Jude bit his tongue to keep from laughing out loud and nodded. Clay nodded back with a smile and turned to Quinn. She rolled her eyes before she walked to the stairs.

"Lyd? Honey, I think we're ready for you."

She heard the heels begin clicking as Lydia came down the stairs and everyone turned to look at the stairs.

"Hey, turn me around. Turn me around!"

Riley flipped the iPad over, and Lydia came into view, strappy silver high heel first, easily seen since she had to lift the bottom of her dress so she wouldn't step on it. The turquoise dress that had the bead detail at the sweetheart neckline, the chocolate-colored curls around her face, and when she lifted her eyes as she stopped on the next-to-last step, she saw their wide gazes, their open mouths. Even Jamie on the iPad was speechless. Lydia looked off to the side, where Jude stood, hands clutching a small plastic box, a look of hunger on his face. Lydia forced a small smile, staring at him.

"Hey, Jude."

That seemed to snap him back, and he blinked before he smiled.

"You … Lydia."

He stepped over to her, holding onto the bannister as he stared at her. She looked him over, her cheeks growing red.

"You look good in that tux."

Jude smiled as he looked down, then looked back to her.

"Baby, you're gorgeous. I mean …"

He just shook his head, and Quinn smiled. She stepped over to the steps, going up to stand beside Lydia, fixing one of the curls on her shoulder. She glanced over at Jude, pointedly looking down at the box in his hands, and he took in a breath. He popped the box open and Lydia and Quinn both took in a breath at the corsage that lay there. Jude took it out, then took hold of Lydia's hand, sliding the corsage onto her wrist, and keeping hold of her hand.

"Mom wouldn't tell me what your dress looked like, but she did tell me to go with white flowers."  
"You did good, kid."

Jude and Quinn exchanged a smile, while Lydia stared at her wrist. She brought her eyes up, smiling at Jude.

"I've always liked lilies."  
"I know. And roses are classic, so…"  
"Thank you."

Clay was constantly snapping pictures, and Jamie was able to find his voice again.

"You look beautiful, kiddo."

Lydia turned at the sound of his voice.

"Jamie?"  
"Over here."

Lydia looked to Riley, who didn't miss the hopeful sound of her voice, and the way she sagged just a little when she realized Jamie wasn't actually there. Unfortunately, neither did Jamie. He swallowed hard, and Lydia put another smiled on her face.

"Hey, James."  
"I couldn't miss my little sister going to her prom, so I conned Riley into FaceTiming me."

Lydia laughed quietly.

"I miss you, James."  
"I miss you too, kid. But, hey, you're—you're coming to the game in Charlotte in a few weeks, right?"

Lydia smiled.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it."

Jamie smiled, and Clay stepped in, organizing everyone for pictures. After nearly an hour, Jamie was the one to speak.

"Hey, Ansel Adams."

Clay put down the camera and turned to Jamie, who let out a laugh.

"Let the kids go! You've got enough pictures, I swear."  
"No one asked for any comments from the screen, all right? One button, and I can have you gone."

Jamie laughed again, and Quinn stepped up.

"The boy's right, you know. We've got enough pictures."  
"And this is coming from the professional photographer."

Clay turned to Riley.

"Hey, honey? Press that End button right there."

Riley laughed as she shook her head. Jude gently ran the tips of his fingers up and down Lydia's spine, and she kept taking in hitching breaths. Jude smiled over at Quinn.

"We're supposed to meet up with Sawyer and Davis at her house. Mom's there too, and she's dying to see Lydia."

Quinn smiled, walking up to Lydia and doing some last minute touch-ups. Clay snapped a few more pictures, while Jamie let out a longsuffering sigh from the iPad, while Riley giggled. Quinn nodded.

"Remember what I said, okay?"

Lydia nodded, and Quinn kissed her forehead. Clay walked over, after setting the camera down, and gently took Lydia in his arms.

"Have fun tonight, Little Scott."  
"I will, Uncle Clay."

He murmured that he loved her, and Lydia squeezed him for a second. She took the hand Riley reached out towards her, squeezing it, and she looked down at the iPad. Jamie grinned at her.

"Have fun, little sister."  
"I will."  
"And be careful. Jude, you take care of her, or I'll kick your ass."  
"Jamie!"

Quinn turned around, and Jamie just shrugged his shoulders.

"I mean it."

Jude smiled.

"I've got her Jamie. Don't worry."

Jude stepped over, taking Lydia's arm and looping it around his own, leaning over and whispering.

"Let's get the hell out while we can."

She laughed, nodding at him. She grabbed the little bag Quinn had made up for her, waving to her family as Jude led her outside, helped her into his car. Quinn leaned back against Clay, while Riley stayed inside, chattering away to Jamie about a television show they were both avid fans of. Clay ran a hand through Quinn's hair, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"She'll be fine, babe."

Quinn nodded.

"I know."  
"Try not to worry about her."  
"I can't help it."

Clay kissed her lips, taking her hand and leading her back inside.

* * *

Jude drove them to the Scott house, after stopping at the end of Lydia's street, putting the car in park, leaning over and kissing Lydia so passionately and hot that they were both panting by the time it was over. Somehow, they were able to get away from the Scott house and to the restaurant in time for their reservations. Everyone, again, was shocked by how beautiful Lydia looked, and she stayed close to Jude. Lucas couldn't get over it, and Peyton snapped the perfect picture of Lucas holding Lydia's hands, staring at her with a look of awe. Brooke cried, making Davis and Jude roll their eyes.

No one noticed the way Lydia's hands were shaking.

They enjoyed their dinner, while the patrons in the restaurant stared at Sawyer, looking classically elegant, and Lydia, looking effortlessly, breathtakingly beautiful. Lydia didn't eat much, because she kind of felt sick, and her head was still throbbing. She was determined to make it through the night without the pills, but her resolve was crumbling.

They arrived at the dance, smiles on their faces quickly replaced by looks of awe when they saw the way the gym had been transformed into a romantic wonderland. Jude took note of the way everyone stopped when Lydia walked in, the way the room went quiet, except for the music, how all eyes were on them. She had a death grip on his arm, and he leaned down, brushing a kiss against her temple. Her eyes fluttered closed, and when she looked back to him, he smiled and winked at her. She mustered up a smile, and they walked down the steps onto the gym floor. She let out a sigh as Jude came to stand in front of her, and she gripped his forearms. He leaned forward, kissing her forehead.

"You did good, babe."

She let out a sigh, and he gently picked her face up in his hands, kissing her lips before flashing her a smile.

"Come on. Dance with me."

* * *

Her head was pounding, her stomach rolling. Her skin felt like it was on fire, and her entire body was itching. She'd danced three dances with Jude, before she'd broken out of his arms, telling him she was dying of thirst. He'd offered to grab her some punch, but they were fairly certain someone had spiked it, and Lydia was not up to getting drunk. She'd managed to talk him into letting her go down the hall to the water fountain, and she'd nearly sprinted there. She held onto the sides, breaths heaving in and out of her chest.

"I can't. I tried, and I can't."

She sighed, glancing around behind her before reaching into the tiny pocket Brooke had sewn into the inside of the dress, right over her heart. She thought back, seeing the smile on Brooke's face when Lydia had given her a look.

"_Secret compartment. Slide in your lip gloss, money, tampon, whatever you think you might need. Trust me, you'll thank me for it one day." _

Well, she was certainly thankful for it now.

She looked around one more time, then reached into the pocket, pulling out two little pills. One just wasn't cutting it anymore, and besides it had been way too long since she'd taken one. She slid the pills onto her tongue, letting them sit there until the bitter taste flooded her mouth. She bent to take a sip of water from the fountain, then leaned up against the wall. She let her head fall back as her hands opened and closed on the wall. A few minutes later, a smile crossed her face. She took one more sip of water, feeling the beginnings of a good buzz settling in her body. She slowly made her way back to the gym, and Jude let out a sigh of relief when he saw her. She walked into his arms, settling her cheek against his chest, her ear against his heart.

"I was starting to get a little worried."  
"I just needed some space for a minute."

She went up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips to his, making him smile. She glanced around them, and Jude smiled.

"Sawyer had to go to the bathroom. Couldn't wait for you, even though I know the female population feels better going to pee in packs."

Lydia laughed.

"Saw's a big girl. She'll be okay."

Jude nodded and smiled. The beginning strains of a slow song began to play, and Jude smiled.

"Dance with me?"

Lydia smiled back, laying her hand in his as he led her onto the floor. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she looped her arms around his neck. He pulled her close and she let out a sigh. She felt so good right then. The pills had kicked in, her boyfriend was holding her close as they danced.

And she didn't even notice the eyes hidden in the shadows, the ones that stayed locked on her.

* * *

They danced all night long, stopping only a few times when a bad song came on, or when one or more of them needed a break. Sawyer was so incredibly happy. Her first prom was freakin' awesome. Her best friend was obviously feeling better, and if anyone asked Sawyer, it seemed as though little Miss Scott had gotten into the punch. Sawyer knew she herself had, and honestly, the rum only made it better. Davis was smiling, holding her when they danced, and consistently making her laugh.

On one particularly slow song, Sawyer was nestled in Davis' arms, her head on his shoulder as she looked around the room. Lydia was in almost the exact same position across from her, in Jude's arms. That was the place where Lydia seemed to belong, in Sawyer's opinion. She watched, lifting her head up when Jude stopped, moving backwards to take a good look at Lydia. His eyes narrowed, and he glanced up, meeting Sawyer's eyes before he hurried with Lydia, out the back door. Sawyer stumbled as she started to follow.

"Whoa, whoa. Hey. What's up?"  
"Lydia. Jude just gave me a look."  
"Are you drunk?"

Sawyer turned back to look at Davis with wide eyes.

"No!"  
"Sawyer Scott, don't you lie to me."

She narrowed her eyes at him, then sighed.

"All right, I've had like three cups of punch."  
"Damn it, Sawyer!"  
"Just come on."

Sawyer led Davis through the doors, where Jude was standing under the awning, holding both of Lydia's hands. She was taking in shaky breaths, her face flushed. Jude glanced over, letting out a sigh.

"She got too hot, I think."  
"Did she get in the punch, too?"

Jude looked at his brother, who motioned towards Sawyer. Jude sighed.

"Seriously?"  
"That is not important. And besides, it's prom. Lydia?"

Lydia looked to Sawyer.

"You okay?"

Lydia forced up a smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just got a little too hot in there."  
"Did you get in the punch?"

Lydia glanced up at Jude. That might be more believable than the truth.

"I may have had a glass. Or two."  
"Oh, come on!"

Davis threw his fists out in front of him, and Sawyer giggled. He glanced back at her, and the look on his face just made her giggle more. Lydia was even smiling, and Jude squeezed her hand.

"Think we can head on back in?"

Lydia smiled and nodded up at him. He took a few steps, gently pulling her behind him, when she suddenly stopped, gripping his hand hard. He turned back, just in time to watch as her eyes rolled back in her head, catching her as her body crumpled to the ground as she fainted.

"Whoa! Lydia? Hey, Lyd?"

Jude knelt down, holding Lydia's limp body in his arms, propping her up on one of his knees. Davis knelt down beside him, and Sawyer stared at them, one hand over her heart.

"Jude, is she breathing?"

Jude didn't answer Sawyer, and her throat dried out. She spoke again, harsher, her voice rising.

"Jude!"  
"She's breathing."

Sawyer let out a breath of relief, putting one hand to her forehead, one to her chest. Jude kept running his hand over Lydia's face, and Davis stood back up, wrapping one arm around Sawyer's waist and pulling her to him. Jude gently shook Lydia's shoulders.

"Sweetie. Hey."

Lydia let out a groan and shifted in Jude's arms. Sawyer let out another ragged sigh, and Lydia blinked her eyes open, turning closer to Jude. He blew out his breath, closing his eyes and holding Lydia tighter.

"You scared the crap out of me."

Lydia groaned again, lifting a hand to her forehead. Jude helped her into a sitting position, and she leaned closer to him. Jude ran a hand up and down her bare arm.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."  
"Don't. You have nothing to apologize for."

Davis ran his hand through his hair as Jude kissed Lydia's forehead. Sawyer let out a sigh as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"What happened, Lyd?"

Lydia shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. I … I guess I just got overheated. Little too much too fast, maybe."

Davis and Jude slowly nodded, and Lydia smiled as she laid a hand on Jude's knee.

"How about one more dance?"

He smiled, giving her a kiss on the mouth before he stood up, bringing Lydia to her feet with him. He led her into the gym, and Sawyer whirled around to stare at her boyfriend. She tossed out her arms, and Davis let out a sigh, running his fingers through his hair again.

"Did … Did you just see that?"

Davis nodded, scrubbing his hands over his face.

"She passed out. Right there, in his arms, just out cold. And he just picks her up and goes to dance with her?"  
"Saw…"  
"No, are you fucking kidding me right now?!"

Davis sighed as Sawyer started to pace. After a minute, she turned back to look at him.

"Should we take her to the hospital or something?"

Davis smiled, shaking his head.

"Nah, I think she's fine. I mean, I know I'm not a doctor or anything, but…"  
"What the hell just happened, Davis?"

He swallowed. He hated to lie to her. Even if it was for her own good, Sawyer would be furious at him when the truth came out. And, Davis knew, it always had a way of doing that. He looked up, putting a smile on his face.

"I don't know, babe."

Sawyer sighed, walking over and letting Davis wrap his arms around her, putting her face in his chest. Davis squeezed his eyes shut, opening them again to look through the doorway, eyes locked on the girl nestled in his brother's arms.


	19. Chapter 18

_EIGHTEEN_

Davis sat on a high stool behind the counter in his mother's store. He had been roped into working this Saturday morning, but he didn't really mind. It had been almost two weeks since prom. And in that time, Lydia had changed almost drastically. Davis sighed as he stared out the window, at the sunshine filtering through the trees just outside the store. He narrowed his eyes without realizing it, as thoughts filled his head. He didn't hear the door open, or see the tall, dark-haired man step inside the store. Davis was so distracted he didn't even notice the man walking up to him, standing at the counter, until he spoke, his deep voice shattering the quiet stillness.

"Davis?"

Davis jumped, stumbling as he got to his feet, blowing out his breath as he laid a hand over his heart.

"Damn it, Owen, you scared me to death!"

Owen laughed quietly.

"Sorry, man. I noticed you were all deep in thought, and I tried not to scare you."

Davis sighed, feeling his heart rate ease a little. Owen smiled.

"So I got a text from your mom this morning, asking me to meet her here a little bit before lunch."

Davis smiled back.

"Yeah, uh… That wasn't from Mom, actually."

Owen raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, really?"

Davis put his lips together, nodding his head. Owen nodded, his face breaking into a smile again.

"You know, you could have just called me. Or even texted me yourself. I like you and your brother. You don't have to pretend to be your mom just to hang out with me."

Davis laughed, feeling a little more comfortable at the teasing. He looked down at the counter, then sighed.

"I, uh… I wanted to see if … If I could talk to you about something."

Owen nodded.

"Shoot."

Davis left the counter, walking to the door and sliding the lock in place, flipping the OPEN sign around. Owen watched, crossing his arms over his muscled chest. Davis walked back, taking his seat again, and Owen walked behind the counter, leaning up against it, across from Davis.

"This seems serious."

Davis sighed.

"It is. I, uh… I wanted to ask you about …"

He sighed again, and Owen smiled.

"About what, Davis?"

Davis looked up, his dark eyes reflecting the storm raging in his mind. Owen watched him, before he spoke softly.

"You know you can ask me about anything, right? I don't mind. Something's obviously weighing on your mind, kid, and I'll help you any way I can."

Davis nodded, letting out another sigh. Owen stepped closer, laying a hand on Davis' shoulder. Davis closed his eyes, spitting out the word.

"Drugs."

Owen's eyes widened, and he blinked as Davis opened his eyes, looking up at him. Davis sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

"I need to talk to someone about this, and I can't talk to my mom. I sure as hell can't talk to Jude, and my dad's kind of lost his damn mind lately. Everyone else I could possibly talk to is somehow involved in the situation, and you are literally my last hope. Jesus Christ, I am such a girl."

Owen let out a laugh.

"Calm down, dude."

Davis sighed, feeling a little bit of comfort at the warm feel of Owen's hand on his shoulder.

"Before we really get into it, though, I feel like I need to tell you a few things."

Davis looked up then, and Owen sighed as he stepped back, pulling his jacket off of his broad shoulders. He folded the jacket up, looking down at it as he quietly spoke.

"I'm an addict, Davis. I've been sober for twenty years now."

Davis blinked.

"Whoa. Owen, I didn't … I can talk to someone else, man. I don't—"  
"No, no. It's okay. I don't mind talking about it. It actually helps. And if I can help somebody else, even by association, then it's worth it."

Davis nodded slowly.

"Are you sure?"

Owen smiled as he set his jacket on the counter.

"Positive, bud."

Davis nodded again, and Owen watched him as he stared at the floor.

"Do you have any questions before we get to your situation?"

Davis looked over at the man, who crossed his arms over his massive chest. Owen smiled again.

"Usually the main question is 'what were you addicted to?' And for me, at first it was heroin. I got off of that, stayed clean for a little while, then turned to booze."

He left out the part their mother played in that little turn of events. It was water under the bridge, and he had her back now. Well, almost. They were getting there. Owen realized the kid was still staring at him, so he finished up his story.

"I found myself at the bottom, again, and went to rehab. Again. The second time, it stuck, and I've been stone cold sober for twenty years in May."  
"That's awesome, man."

Owen smiled, nodding to the kid.

"Now, what's going on?"

Davis sighed.

"I … I think one of my friends is on something. I don't know what, but … She's not the same person she used to be. She's been kind of down for a while, and then all of a sudden, she's fine. But it kind of seems like the 'fine' part comes in waves. Sometimes I'll see her and she's smiling at me, other times she's blinking back tears."

Owen nodded.

"Personalities can change for a multitude of reasons, Davis. And accusing someone of being on drugs is a big deal."

Davis sighed, pushing his hands through his hair.

"I saw her take something."  
"You saw her?"

Davis nodded, looking over at Owen.

"She didn't notice me. I was in the shadows because my girlfriend—Sawyer, you know her—was in the bathroom. I couldn't let her go by herself, so I just stood outside the bathroom like a dork. I saw L—her. I saw her coming, and I was going to go to her, but she seemed so upset, so wrapped up in whatever was in her head right then. I stayed back and watched her, and she took some pills out of her dress and took them. She leaned up against the wall, and I just waited, and I like… I saw it happen."

Owen was confused, and Davis sighed, mentally kicking himself for his almost slip-up.

"I watched her relax, almost like I could see the pills kicking in. And the next thing I knew, she was back on the floor, dancing and acting like she was having the time of her life."

Owen nodded, looking over at Davis. Davis sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes again.

"She passed out, later on. Scared the shit out of me. I actually had my phone out, ready to call 9-1-1, but she woke up. And she was just fine, acting like nothing had happened."

Davis looked over at Owen, his dark eyes worried and pleading.

"She doesn't know that I saw her. No one knows. I haven't told anyone, and I just … I can't hold it in anymore. I haven't seen her do it again, but the way she's acting … She's still doing it. She's got to be."

Owen nodded, letting out a sigh.

"Davis, if one of your friends is on drugs, and you know that they are, you need to help them."

Davis nodded.

"I know. I know I need to help her. She needs it. I just … I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help, what I should do. I don't know where to start."

Owen smiled.

"Talk to her. Most likely, she'll deny it. Call you a liar, lash out at you. If you can't talk to her, talk to someone close to her. Someone who could watch her, see if they see what you're seeing."

Davis nodded, and Owen could almost see the kid's mind working.

"Davis, whatever you're going to do, you need to do it. It's been a while since prom, and if your friend is really on the downhill, like you described, then she needs help fast."

Davis sighed and nodded. He spoke quietly, on the tail end of a hitched breath.

"Will you … Could you not tell my mom?"

Owen watched the kid for a minute, the way he stared at the ground.

"Today's conversation stays between us. As long as you promise to do something about your friend soon."

Davis looked up, dark eyes grateful.

"I promise. Thank you."

Owen smiled, reaching to ruffle Davis' dark hair.

"Anytime, kid."

Davis sighed, looking out over the store, and Owen smiled again.

"Tell you what."

Davis looked up.

"What do you say we shut this place down and grab some lunch?"

Davis grinned.

"Mom will kill once she finds out the store closed down in the middle of the day."  
"What, all the people knocking down the door? It's a Saturday. And you've been closed for about an hour now. Brooke will get over it."

Davis's grin grew.

"I knew I liked you."

Owen laughed, grabbing his jacket off the counter while Davis got his from the back room. He came out and Owen draped an arm over his shoulders as he slid his sunglasses on his face. Davis could look him in the eyes and he smiled.

"Let's go to the café. We can see Mom's reaction to this middle of the day break."  
"Sounds like a plan."

* * *

Brooke was surprised, and just a little ticked about Davis' impromptu lunch break. But she was overjoyed that he was hanging out with Owen, giving him a chance, and she even let them both have a piece of pie on the house. Owen offered to go back to the store, give Davis the afternoon off, and after a generous amount of nagging from her son, Brooke agreed to spend the afternoon at the store, with Owen keeping her company.

Unbeknownst to her, that was all a plan concocted up by Owen and Davis, so that he could go and talk to his "friend" with the drug problem. He was in the car, actually on the way to the Scott house when he stopped at a red light. After sitting through the third rotation of the green light changing to yellow, Davis sighed. He couldn't go and confront Lydia. One look into her sad eyes and he'd forget everything he wanted to say. He couldn't talk to Sawyer, couldn't worry her with this. He knew what he had to do, and knew it was going to suck out loud.

* * *

Jude had just finished up a shower when Davis knocked on his bedroom door. As usual, Davis waited a beat, then opened the door. Jude tied the drawstring on his shorts and looked in the mirror, seeing his twin behind him.

"Dave. Something on your mind?"

Davis sighed.

"You could say that."

He walked over, taking a seat on Jude's bed.

"No, please. Make yourself at home."

Davis sighed again, looking up at his brother.

"Jude, can we talk?"

Jude cocked his head to the side.

"We are talking."  
"No, I mean, can you come and sit down and let's have a conversation."

Jude nodded slowly.

"Sounds serious."  
"It is."

Jude walked over, sitting down across from his brother. Davis was usually the joker, charming everyone with a smile and the dimples in his cheeks. He wasn't smiling then, though. Jude could see that something was bothering Davis, and it was weighing on him.

"Hey."

Davis met his eyes, and Jude gave him a smile.

"What is it?"

Davis swallowed.

"It's about Lydia."

The smile fell from Jude's face.

"What about her?"

Davis sighed, glancing over at the small pile of clothes behind Jude's door.

"I think … I think Lydia might be on something."  
"What do you mean, 'on something'?"

Davis sighed again, and Jude went on.

"Are you… What are you saying here, Davis?"

Davis closed his eyes for a moment, then met Jude's eyes.

"I think Lydia's on drugs."

Jude was silent for a second, before he burst into laughter. Davis narrowed his eyes, until Jude's laughing spell had subsided.

"That … That's a good one."  
"Jude—"  
"No, really. I mean, how long did it take you to come up with that?"  
"It's not—"  
"No, it had better be a joke. What the … What the hell is wrong with you?"

Davis sighed, closing his eyes again.

"Jude, just listen."  
"Why? Why should I listen to you? Do you have any idea what you're saying?"  
"Yeah, I do."  
"You're saying that Lydia—Lydia Scott, now, the girl we've grown up with, one of our very best friends—is on drugs? Davis, that's … that's ludicrous!"

Davis sighed, and Jude stood up, pacing around his room.

"Will you just listen to me for a second?"  
"No. I don't know what your agenda is here—"  
"I don't have an agenda! I'm trying to help my friend."  
"This is what you do for your friends? I'd hate to see what—"  
"Stop. Jude, just stop."

Davis sighed again, and Jude set his hands on his hips, staring at his brother. Davis met his eyes.

"Prom night."  
"What about it?"  
"When we met up, Sawyer and I both noticed that something was up with Lydia."  
"And?"  
"And, an hour after we got to the dance, she was a completely different person."

Jude shrugged his shoulders.

"She got into the punch. Sawyer did too; they both admitted it."  
"Lydia didn't get into the punch."  
"So you're calling her a liar."  
"Damn it, Jude, no I'm not!"

Davis stood up then.

"Lydia didn't get into the punch."  
"Yeah, you said that already. How do you know? Did you stick around her all night?"  
"No."  
"Then you can't really say that she didn't drink, can you?"  
"Jude, I know, okay?"  
"How?"

Davis closed his eyes again, trying not to get angry, continuing to tell himself that Jude was just protective, and he would do the same things if Jude were saying this about Sawyer.

"I know that Lydia didn't—"  
"Damn it, Davis, you said that already."  
"If you'd just let me finish—"  
"Why, so you can accuse my girlfriend of some other bullshit?"  
"I saw her, Jude!"

Jude stopped, turning to face Davis as it all came spilling out.

"I saw her, but she didn't see me. She went to the water fountain and took two pills out of her dress. She took them, drank some water, leaned up against the wall until they kicked in."

Jude shook his head.

"No, it … She had a headache. It was Tylenol, or something."  
"Jude, I've taken Tylenol before. It doesn't make you feel that good."

Jude shook his head again.

"She's not on drugs."  
"You can keep saying that, but it really doesn't seem that way."

Jude stared at the floor, swallowing hard. Davis sighed as he stepped closer to him.

"She passed out, right into your arms. She's never done that before."

Jude looked up, met Davis' eyes. Davis went on.

"She was passed out, then suddenly, she was fine. Up, ready to dance."  
"Shut up."

Jude closed his eyes, and Davis ran a hand through his hair.

"Listen, I don't want this to be true any more than you do."  
"Davis, shut up."  
"It doesn't change anything."  
"Davis, I said to stop."  
"I can't. Someone needs to help her."

Davis turned back to Jude, letting his breath out.

"Lydia's doing drugs, and she needs help."

Jude wasn't even sure what happened, or even a reason why. He was standing there, and the next thing he knew, he was cradling his hand, stretching his fingers out from the fist, while Davis looked up at him from the floor, blood pouring from his nose. Davis groaned, getting to his feet.

"I'm not even going to hit you back. Even though you deserve it, you son of a bitch."  
"Davis—"  
"Fuck you."

Davis walked downstairs, leaving Jude alone. Jude pulled a shirt on and grabbed his keys, ignoring the kitchen where Davis was holding a bag of frozen peas to his aching nose. Jude walked past his mother and Owen on the way out, causing the adults to exchange a glance as Brooke shut the door. She smiled up at Owen.

"Teenage boys."

Owen nodded.

"I used to be one. I understand."

Brooke laughed.

"Can I get you something to drink?"  
"Sure."

Owen slid his hands into his jacket pockets, following Brooke into the kitchen. They stopped near the doorway, seeing Davis leaning over the sink.

"Shit."  
"Davis! Jeez, language."

Owen smiled, and it slid from his face when Davis turned around, lifting the frozen peas from his face, leaving the bloody paper towel against his nostrils. Brooke sprang across the kitchen, taking the peas from him, taking his chin in her hand.

"What the hell happened to you?"

Owen stepped up behind Brooke, moving her wrist from side to side, checking out Davis' injury himself. After being on the receiving end of quite a few punches, Owen was fairly sure he knew exactly what had happened. He was also fairly sure Davis' nose wasn't broken, but that he'd have a hell of a bruise for a while.

"Davis Baker, I asked you a question."  
"Yeah, I know. It just kind of hurts when I breathe. Give me a second."

Brooke propped her hands on her hips, and Owen let out a sigh.

"Could this be the result of what we talked about earlier?"

Brooke looked back at Owen, then to Davis, who sighed and nodded his head. Owen sighed, taking the peas from Brooke's hand and handing them back to Davis, who gave him a grateful look, wincing as the coldness settled back on his nose. Brooke looked between the boys again.

"Someone want to fill me in here?"

Owen let out a sigh.

"Can you just trust us?"

Brooke looked back at her son, then back to Owen.

"What do you mean? What the hell is going on here?"  
"Mom, just … Do what Owen said? Please?"

Brooke stared at Davis, and Owen walked around her, leading Davis to the sink.

"Lean over it, not back. Let the blood flow out, and it should clot soon."

Davis nodded, and Owen patted his shoulder before turning back to Brooke.

"I think I'd better go."

He walked past Brooke, and she looked at Davis for a moment, then followed Owen. He opened the front door, and she walked out behind him, pulling it closed behind her.

"Hey."

Owen turned back to her, and Brooke stepped close to him.

"Is he all right?"  
"Davis?"

Brooke nodded.

"He should be fine. His nose isn't broken, and his pride was probably more damaged than anything."  
"No, I mean… What did you mean, 'what you talked about earlier'?"

Owen sighed.

"Brooke, the kid called me, asked me to talk with him. I gave him some advice, he asked me to keep it between us."

Brooke nodded slowly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"But he … he's okay?"

Owen smiled.

"He's okay. You've got a good kid, Brooke Davis."

She smiled.

"Thank you, for talking to him."  
"Anytime. I mean that, and I told him the same thing."

Brooke nodded, closing her eyes at the sudden tears that threatened.

"He's hurting, and I … I don't know—"  
"Hey."

Owen stepped closer, laying his hands on Brooke's shoulders, gently rubbing her arms.

"He's okay, I promise."

She nodded, and Owen gently lifted her chin, looking in her eyes.

"He'll tell you when he's ready."

She nodded again, and Owen moved close to her, gently pressing his lips to hers. The kiss was over far too soon for either one of their liking, and Owen pulled her to his chest when it was over.

"You know I'm here for you, too."

Brooke smiled, closing her eyes as she turned her face closer to his wide chest, inhaling his scent.

"I know. Thank you for that, too."

Owen smiled, leaning back to kiss her one more time before he walked down her front steps, sliding his hands into his jacket pockets as he walked away. Brooke sighed, then walked back inside, shutting the red door behind her as she went to find her son.

* * *

Jude pulled up to the Scott house, looking at the front door. Davis was out of his friggin' mind. There was no way Lydia—_his_ Lydia—would ever do drugs. Jude noticed that the garage was open, and that only Lydia's car was inside. Good. Clay had gone to pick Logan up from school, heading out to some football game or something, and Quinn and Riley were spending the day together. Which meant Lydia was inside by herself. Perfect time for Jude to talk to her, tell her what Davis was saying, apologize for his dumbass brother.

And for some reason that he hated himself for, Jude wanted to make sure it wasn't true. The fact that he was even entertaining the thought was bad enough. The little seed of relief that had appeared in his mind when Davis had brought it up was almost too much for Jude to handle. He shook his head, opening the car door, letting himself inside the big house.

"Lyd?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Little bit of a cliffhanger, I know. But I'm going to try and get the next couple of chapters up soon. I've been working to get here for a while, so just bear with me. In other news, I haven't gotten any reviews on this story in a while, since I put the last couple of chapters up. If anyone wants to drop a review and let me know you're still interested, still reading, I'd appreciate it. It helps to know people are still keeping up with this, especially since I've been writing this story for the past 6 months. Those of you still reading, thanks for hanging in there with me!**


	20. Chapter 19

**I wanted to say a quick thank you to LVEU and my anonymous guest for your reviews! More reviews will help get more chapters up sooner, so... ;) Just so you know, this chapter absolutely broke my heart to write. I've always planned for this to happen this way, but it was just so sad to me. Hope you're ready. If not, grab the tissues.**

_NINETEEN_

Lydia turned over in her bed, pulling the covers tighter around her, floating in that place where sleep was still gripping her mind, but she was slowly drifting out of it. She was dreaming of Jude, the way she usually did, and this time, they were at the beach. She was out in the water, laughing every time a wave washed over her feet. Jude stood back from her, smiling as he watched her. He said her name, and she looked back at him with a wide smile. She walked forward, deeper into the waves, and Jude continued to call her name. She glanced back at him, noticing that he wasn't following her. She stopped as she turned to face him, and she watched as he began taking steps backwards.

_Wait._

Where was he going? Why couldn't she call out to him? The distance between them continued to grow, and Lydia discovered that she was much further out in the water than she'd thought, because she suddenly couldn't touch the bottom anymore. She closed her eyes as a wave washed over her, and suddenly, her arms were so heavy. Much too heavy to try and use to swim. She surfaced once more, not bothering to take in a breath. As the next wave came over her, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Lydia. Hey, wake up."

She blinked her eyes open slowly, looking up at Jude, who was wearing a gentle smile as he brushed his hand over her forehead.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty."  
"Hey Jude."

He leaned down, pressing his lips to hers. Lydia let her hands come up, threading through his hair, pulling him close to her as he continued to kiss her. Jude tugged his shirt off as he stretched out on top of her, kissing her chin, down her jaw, down to the place where her neck and shoulder met. Her fingers tightened in his hair, sliding down to brush through the hair at the bottom of his hairline, at the top of his neck. Jude moaned into her neck, coming back to latch his mouth onto hers. He let his hands slide down to her waist, slipping under her shirt to rest on her belly, and she pulled away from his mouth to let out a shuddering gasp. He started to push her shirt up when her phone began to ring loudly. Lydia pushed a hand through her hair, reaching over onto the nightstand and grabbing her phone. Jude put his forehead on her shoulder as Lydia answered the phone.

"He—hello?"

She let out a sigh.

"Sawyer, this is an unbelievably bad time. … What? … When?"

Lydia pushed Jude's chest until he looked up at her. She sat up, and he followed her actions.

"You're kidding me. … Why … No, he's here. … I know. Saw, I—… Okay. … Yeah, I will. Bye."

Lydia set her phone back on the nightstand, then folded her hands in her lap as she looked to Jude.

"That was Sawyer."  
"Yeah, I got that."  
"She was just calling to let me know that for some unknown reason, you apparently attacked your brother and nearly broke his nose."  
"I didn't break his damn nose."

Jude spoke quietly, barely even a whisper, and Lydia's eyes widened.

"Jude."

He looked to her, and she blinked at him, clearly waiting for an explanation. He sighed, pushing his hands through his hair, standing up and grabbing his shirt from the floor.

"Davis and I … had a disagreement."  
"Yeah, I figured as much."

Jude pulled his shirt back on, straightening it out. Lydia brought her legs up, sitting Indian-style on her bed.

"Care to elaborate?"

Jude smiled, shaking his head.

"Nah, it's ludicrous. I told him as much, so…"  
"Why don't you tell me anyway?"

Jude closed his eyes, looking back to the beautiful girl on the bed. He let out a sigh.

"He, uh … He said some things that I didn't agree with."  
"Things?"

Jude nodded, walking to Lydia's dresser and resting an elbow on it. He looked at the picture of her mother, looking down at newborn baby Lydia. He glanced back, where Lydia was just sitting and staring, and he let out another sigh.

"He said … he said he was worried about you, because he thought you …"

Jude laughed quietly as he shook his head. He couldn't even say the words, because it was such bullshit. He looked at the bed again, into Lydia's eyes and smiled. There was no possible way it was true. Lydia was so good, so beautiful and too damn smart to get involved with drugs. He let out another laugh, smiling at her.

"Davis said … he thought you … that you were on drugs."

Lydia's eyes widened before falling to her bedspread. Jude watched her, feeling a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Lyd?"

She looked up at him, blinking quickly. Jude swallowed.

"You're … you're not, right?"

She blinked again, swallowing before she shook her head.

"Of course not. I … I wouldn't do that. Why—why would Davis say something like that?"

_ Oh, God. _Lydia's heart was pounding. How could this have happened? She was so careful, so sure to take the pills when no one was around. She looked up, back at Jude, and she could almost see his mind working.

"Jude, I—"  
"Don't lie to me, Lydia. I've never lied to you, not once."

She stared at him, as he stood to his full height. She shook her head, putting a smile on her face.

"I'm not. I—I wouldn't."

God, he hated himself for it, but he didn't believe her. Not in the least little bit right then. She was lying to him. He didn't know why, but she was staring him right in the face and lying to him. He nodded, looking down as he swore he could feel his heart break. Lydia stood up, walking to him and laying a hand against his cheek, pulling his face down until their lips met. He kissed her for a minute, then took hold of both of her arms, pulling her close to him, kissing her almost brutally, as though he'd never get to do it again. Her hands tightened on his face, returning the kiss just as harshly, before he let her go, both of them breathing hard, her lips swollen from his. Jude nodded.

"Let's go to the pool house."

He was talking about his dad's, and Lydia nodded. It wouldn't be the first time they'd gone swimming late in the day, into the night, and Quinn and Clay wouldn't be home for a while.

"Yeah. Just let me get ready."

He nodded, and Lydia walked into the bathroom. When she shut the door behind her, he covered his face with both hands bending over before grabbing onto the dresser. He was breathing hard, and he glanced around the room. He thought, for just a moment, of going through her things, searching until he found something. Or nothing. Maybe that would make him feel better, if his search turned up empty. He gave it a thought, but just as quickly, he shook his head. He couldn't destroy her trust that way.

"Hey, Jude?"

He turned to the bathroom door, which Lydia had cracked open and was poking her head out of. He smiled at her, and she returned it.

"Can you pass me a suit from my second drawer? I thought I'd left one in here, but Quinn must have taken it to wash."

He smiled.

"Yeah, sure. I get to pick it out, though."

Lydia rolled her eyes, shutting the door as she went back into the bathroom. Jude smiled again, shaking his head, thinking he'd give Davis another piece of his mind when he saw him again. He walked over to the dresser, pulling the top drawer open and rifling through it. And that was when he realized he was touching Lydia's underwear. _Wow_, wrong drawer! Jude dropped the panties in his hand, going to close the drawer.

And that was when a reflection of light caught his eye.

He wrinkled his forehead as he pushed some more underwear aside, until he saw a small mirror. He swallowed, reaching in to pick it up, his fingers brushing across something else. He picked it up without looking at it, his heart falling when he realized what it was. A rolled-up five dollar bill. He pushed more underwear aside, letting out a shaking breath when he found the tiny baggie, still nearly full of white powder. He held the objects in his hands, walking backwards until he collapsed on Lydia's bed.

No.

_No._

He closed his eyes, feeling tears gathering. She did lie to him. In the worst possible way. He looked down, at the mirror, the money. The bag. God, he was going to be sick. He heard the bathroom door open, looking up to see Lydia walk out in her short robe.

"Jude, what happened? I've been waiting …"

Her sentence trailed off, and the smile fell from her face when she saw what he was holding.

"What are you … What are you doing?"  
"I think I should be asking you that."

She looked behind her, at the dresser, where the top drawer was still open. She closed her eyes.

"Second drawer, Jude."  
"Seriously? That's what you're worried about right now?"

She turned back to him, seeing his dark eyes in a way she never had before. He held out his hands, but she couldn't look at them.

"What is this?"

She didn't answer him, eyes darting around the room, hands coming up to pull her robe tighter around her.

"Lydia, what _is_ this?"

She swallowed, trying to think of something, anything to say. Jude stood up, hands shaking as he held the items out to her.

"Lydia, what the _fuck_ is this?"

She looked up at him, finally meeting his eyes.

"You don't understand."

He blinked, hands tightening on the things he held.

"Enlighten me, then. Why in God's name would this stuff be in your drawer?"  
"You shouldn't have been in there."  
"That doesn't matter. Answer my question."  
"Jude, I—"  
"Goddamn it, Lydia. Don't you dare lie to me. Not again."

She was trembling, wanting more than anything for Jude to wrap his arms around her, tell her it was okay. He spoke again, yelling this time, making her jump.

"_Lydia_!"  
"I just wanted to feel something."

He stared at her, eyes wide and unbelieving as he shook his head.

"You wanted to feel something?"  
"Jude, you don't know what it's like to feel the way I do."  
"I might if you'd just talk to me."  
"I do."  
"No, you lie to me, then you go and fucking snort cocaine."

He tossed the mirror back onto her bed, and Lydia stared at it.

"I didn't lie to you."

He whirled around to face her, eyes wide, face turning red.

"I just stood there and asked you if you were on drugs and you said no! Then I open your drawer and I'll be damned if there's not the checklist for snorting coke right in front of my fucking eyes."  
"Jude, I stopped!"

He leaned back.

"What?"  
"I stopped. I—I haven't done the coke in a long time."

He took in a deep breath, and it was almost as if Lydia could see him trying to get his temper under control.

"How long?"

She blinked, and he spoke again, slowly, through gritted teeth.

"How long has it been?"  
"A—a couple of weeks."

Jude looked at her, trying to decide if she was telling him the truth. Something clicked in his mind, and he let out a breath.

"When I went to see my dad, I came back and you … You were so mad at me. Your nose started bleeding."

She looked up at him, and he ran a hand over his face.

"That's when I started."

Jude covered his mouth with his hands.

"Jesus, Lydia, that was a month ago!"  
"I stopped, though!"

Jude stared at her, saw the way she was shaking, the way her eyes kept looking at something behind him. He closed his eyes, thinking back to the conversation he'd had with his brother earlier in the day. He let out a breath, walking back to the bed, dropping onto it, looking up at Lydia.

"Davis said he saw you."

Her eyes widened at that, and that was really all the answer Jude needed.

"And it wasn't coke that he saw you do. What are you on, Lydia?"  
"Jude—"  
"Goddamn it, Lydia!"

He stood up again, walking over to her, trying not to let the pain in his heart show as she tried to back away from him.

"Do not lie to me again! What are you on?"

He watched her eyes, and he turned to her nightstand. He took a step towards it, and Lydia reached out, grabbing his arm.

"Don't. Jude, please!"

He wrenched his arm out of her grasp, walking over to the nightstand.

"Where is it?"

Tears were rolling down her cheeks, and she sucked in a broken breath. He shook his head.

"I'll tear the goddamn thing apart, Lydia. Where is it?"

She let out a sob, and Jude knelt down, opening the cabinet.

"Jude, stop!"

He didn't, pulling everything out of the cabinet, letting out a breath when he didn't find anything. She kept crying, kept begging him to stop, pleading with him, but she knew better than to approach him. He opened the drawer, ignoring her cries, and pulled out a Bible. He laughed, shaking his head as he tossed it aside, then reached in, pulling out an old copy of _Little Women._ He opened the book, flipping though, coming to an abrupt stop at Chapter 13.

God, he'd wanted to be wrong. He felt the tears in his eyes as he reached in to hollowed-out part of the book, pulling the little bag of pills out. He nodded, glancing behind him to where Lydia was standing, tears streaming down her face.

"Anything else you want to lie about?"  
"Jude."

She said his name on a sob, and he looked back down, staring at the pills until a tear fell onto the book. He shook his head, standing up, gripping the book in his hands. He looked at her then, tears pouring from her eyes, tears pooled in his, dripping down his face.

"I can't even … How could you do this?"  
"Jude."

He shook his head, pulling the bag out of the book, letting it fall to the floor with a loud thump.

"What are they?"

She didn't answer him. She couldn't, because she had covered her face with her hands as she was sobbing. He sniffed, wiping his eyes.

"Davis tried to … God, and I just punched him in the face."

He looked at her, shaking his head.

"I punched my brother in the face because I couldn't even fathom that you would ever do anything like this."

She looked down, and he sighed, running his hands over his face.

"You need help. Help that I can't give you. I—I can't… I can't do this anymore."  
"What?"

She looked up, letting her hands fall from her face. Jude shook his head.

"I love you. I love you more than anything, but you don't feel the same."  
"Jude."  
"You've never said it. I've never needed you to, but … You lied to me."

The pain was evident in his eyes, and it broke her fragile heart. Tears were in his eyes again, sliding down his cheeks as he spoke, his voice thick and rough through his tears.

"The one thing. You know how I felt."

Lydia closed her eyes, the betrayal he felt from her suddenly making sense. Jude stared at the pills, moving the bag around his hand.

"Jude, I—"  
"Don't tell me that you're sorry."

He met her eyes then, as a tear slipped down his cheek.

"My dad's accident. When it all came out, how he'd lied to us, the pills he was on… How Alex was the only one who could get through to him. When his all fucking lies came out, and Julian left, you were there. You knew how bad it hurt. You knew how much I hated him, and now… You've done the same damn thing."

Lydia closed her eyes.

"I never wanted to hurt you."

Jude let out a laugh, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Of course you didn't. I bet I wasn't even on your mind, was I?"  
"Jude, you were always on my mind."  
"Obviously not."

He made a fist with his hand, crumpling the top of the bag. Lydia watched him, and met his eyes again.

"Flush them."

Her eyes widened, and Jude held the bag out to her.

"Show me that you don't want to hurt me. Get rid of the pills right now."

She blinked. She couldn't. She didn't need them really, but the thought of them being completely gone was a little bit too much for her to think of. Jude smiled, a smile that broke her heart, and nodded.

"Okay, then."

He turned away from her, wiping a hand across his face, doing absolutely no good, since the tears continued to fall. God, it hurt so badly. He choked back a sob as he gathered up the stuff on her bed. She watched him, standing back, confused.

"Jude?"

He looked at her, the pain clear on his face.

"I love you. But I can't stand here and watch you do this to yourself."  
"Wait. What—what do you mean?"

He shook his head, sliding his feet back in his shoes.

"No. No, Ju—Jude, what are you … No. You promised."

She ran to him as he got to the door, laying a hand on his arm. He turned back to face her, and she grasped his shirt in her hands.

"You promised me. You promised you'd never leave. You—you can't go!"

He shook his head, lifting a shaking hand to brush through her hair.

"You knew. You knew how I felt about this. It ruined my family, Lyd. I never thought you'd ever, ever do this to me."  
"I'm so sorry. I am so very sorry, Jude. Please. Please don't go."

He gave her a small smile, tears sliding from his eyes.

"I can't stay. Not if you're going to keep on."

She put her face in his chest, sobbing out loud. He cradled her against him, looking up at the ceiling as he cried.

"Tell me you'll stop. Please, baby, please. Give it up, and I'll stay."

She barely heard him, his voice was so quiet. Her mind was racing, her heart aching. She looked up at him, and he stared into her eyes. He let out a broken sob, taking her face in his hands, pouring everything he had into the kiss he laid on her lips.

"I'll always love you, Lydia."

He turned and walked away from her, and she stared after him, as the realization slammed into her.

"No. No. Jude? Jude!"

She ran down the stairs, throwing open the front door, screaming his name as he climbed into his car. She begged him to stay, begged him not to leave her, falling to her knees on the porch as he backed down the driveway and drove away. She brought her knees up, resting her face on them, crying harder than she could ever remember.

* * *

Brooke was sitting at the kitchen counter, flipping through a magazine, searching for her Clothes Over Bros ad, for the new his-and-hers line she came up with. She could only come up with one name for it, and was met with resounding approval from Peyton, Quinn, and even Owen when she'd bounced the idea off of him. She smiled when she found the ad, pulling it out of the magazine and putting it on the refrigerator. Yes, Clothes Over Bros was going to have another success with the Naley line. She opened the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water, bringing it with her back to her seat. She flipped through the rest of the magazine, cringing when she saw what Madonna's daughter was wearing that week, gasping when she saw the beauty of Reese Witherspoon's gown at her latest movie premiere. She heard the front door open and shut, heard the sob that seemed to echo through her quiet house. She sat up, recognizing when another sob sounded.

"Jude?"

He walked into the kitchen, tears pouring down his face, crying harder than Brooke could ever remember seeing.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

She stood up, walking around the counter, and Jude reached into his pockets, pulling out a mirror, a rolled-up five, and a tiny bag of white powder. Brooke froze when she saw the items, her heart pounding in her chest.

"Jude Baker, what the hell is this?"

He looked up, meeting her eyes, and the absolutely shattered look in his bloodshot eyes broke her heart.

"Honey, what—"  
"It's Lydia's, Mom. She's … she's been…"

He sobbed again, shaking his head, and Brooke covered her mouth. She helped him into a chair, sitting beside him. She took her hand from her mouth, reaching and taking one of Jude's hands in both of hers.

"Talk to me. What's going on?"

He shook his head, tears pouring from his eyes, sobs getting caught in his chest.

"Davis confronted me about it, tried to tell me, and I punched him in the face."

He shook his head, crying hard as Brooke leaned over and gently rubbed his back.

"Honey…"  
"Lydia's on drugs, Mom. She's been snorting coke. Said she stopped, but she's on some kind of pills now."

He dragged his hand over his face.

"I begged her to stop, and she wouldn't even say anything. I told her … this was my breaking point. I can't …"

He shook his head.

"I left. Left her alone with those damn pills, and I … Mama, it hurts."

He leaned over, and Brooke caught him, gently pulling him close to her.

"I know, baby. I'm here."

He cried for a long time, holding onto Brooke, letting her hold him and stroke his hair. After nearly an hour, Jude pulled back from her, breath still hitching in his chest, tears still rolling down his face.

"Clay and Quinn should be home now. You … You need to call them."  
"Okay."

Jude met her eyes.

"She needs help, Mom. More than I can give her now."  
"Sweetheart… You're sixteen years old."  
"So is Lydia. And I want to see her make seventeen."

Jude sniffed, wiping his hands under his eyes.

"If you don't want to call them, I will. They need to know."

Brooke sat back, watching Jude stare at the paraphernalia on the counter.

"She may hate me for this, but at least she'll be alive."

A chill ran down Brooke's spine, and Jude walked over to the wall beside the refrigerator, hand hovering over the phone. Brooke stood up to go to him, glancing over at the stairs and seeing Davis sitting there, tears silently falling down his face. She motioned to him and he stood up, walking to the kitchen and into her arms. She kissed his forehead, and he laid a hand on Jude's shoulder. Jude glanced back, meeting Davis' eyes. His face scrunched up as fresh tears came to his eyes.

"Davis, I … I'm so …"

He couldn't get the words out, but it didn't matter. Davis stepped forward, wrapping his brother in his arms, squeezing him tightly. Jude let out a cry, and Brooke covered her mouth so her sob wouldn't echo through the kitchen. As her sons stood in the middle of the floor, Davis holding Jude up as he cried, Brooke walked to the phone. She dialed a familiar number, letting out a sigh as a happy voice answered the phone.

"Quinn? It's Brooke. We need to talk."


End file.
